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Catch the Twain

The Source

I think he’s the funniest man I ever met. Okay, I’ve actually not met him, but he’s the funniest guy I’ve ever read. My introduction to Mark Twain came in 8th grade when our class was assigned the task of traveling the Mississippi with Huckleberry Finn. It was okay, but he paled in comparison to Batman and Gunsmoke. The very act of assigning reading somehow squeezes the juice right out of it. After all, the book was written for adults, not kids. Somewhere in the ensuing years we’ve classified it as a kids book, thus the recent tirade about the use of certain words by the bard of Hannibal. But as I’ve grown older (and older…and older) I’ve come to a new appreciation of Twain that borders on hero worship. I like funny people… Stephen Colbert tickles me. Jon Stewart is funny. Actually, I think that Larry the Cable Guy is the wittiest of the current lot. But nothing…nothing can make me laugh out loud like reading Mark Twain. When it comes to Twain’s humor, I’m serious. Early this summer I Kindled his “new” autobiography, the work that Twain insisted not be published until a hundred years after his death. Including large amounts of Twain material aside from his autobiography and many footnotes by the editor it weighs in at over 700 pages and this is just the first of three volumes! That’s a lot of Twain, but I enjoyed nearly every bit of the “new” work. Of course I’d not steer any new reader of Mark Twain to this lengthy tome to begin. In fact, I wouldn’t even let them read Huckleberry Finn until they’d first tasted Life of the Mississippi, Roughing It, and my all-time favorite, Innocents Abroad. I’ve never laughed aloud at Colbert, Stewart or Larry like I’ve guffawed with Twain as he describes Europe from his Yankee perspective. His insights into the various national characters are every bit as true today as when he wrote them, and he writes with an honestly that’s totally politically incorrect. I was once visited by a friend from England who when hitting the soil of the Midwest wanted to first be taken to Hannibal where he could be a copy of Innocents Abroad in Twain’s adopted hometown. The guy has a world-wide following. But this isn’t a book review. It’s simply a bit of advice for someone looking for great summer reading. Pick Twain. (Okay, you can skip A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court, but anything else will delight you.) Our first great and still greatest American author has held valid and relevant in the hundred years after his death, and his skewering of politicians, religious hypocrisy, and social stratification is as stinging as the day he first penned his delicious satire. His use of exaggeration is magnificent… for example, his friend who worked in a carpet-making factory, fell into the machinery, and was woven into 29 yards of the finest two-ply carpet. His wife “did the best she could by him and bought the whole piece.” She then searched for a long tunnel in which to bury the body. …..his friend in California who became depressed and tried to kill himself so Twain, being his good friend, sought ways to help him. He had no money for a gun so he threw himself into the ocean, only then remembering that he was an excellent swimmer. But at that moment a life raft washed up onto the shore, the two men sold the raft and purchased a small revolver with which Twain helped his brain blow a hole plumb through his brains. Twain said you could see through the hole. The man went on to serve two terms in Congress, had several bills passed including a measure to sponsor a $40,000 agricultural fair which grew three pumpkins…grown by the man’s brother. …the missionary to the Solomon Islands who became disconcerted in facing a congregation of completely naked natives. Knowing that they could not worship the Almighty wearing only the covering God gave them, the preacher had a boatload of clothing shipped in. The native people came to church the next Sunday proudly wearing their new dresses and pants…around their heads. ….his various attempts to hang his European tour guides. And among my favorite Twain-isms: “Concerning the difference between man and the jackass: some observers hold that there isn’t any. But this wrongs the jackass.” Or…“Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.” And “Let us endeavor to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.” Skip the car this summer, avoid the bus, and shun the jet. Take the Twain.