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I Am Not Sexist

The Source

I am not sexist. I’m not. I was raised around strong, independent women…teachers, school administrators, and farm operators. I spent 35 years teaching Jr. High, pleading with girls to stand up for themselves, to not be satisfied for a lifetime of servitude. Really…I’m not sexist. But…. I was playing the piano for a bridal expo, one of those springtime punch & pastry & potpourri pastimes designed to sell wedding gowns and deflate fathers’ wallets. After the runway show was finished, they invited the spectators to try on any gown they wished. Somehow this invitation got extended to the mothers of the prospective brides and before I knew it my 60-minute gig had stretched out to 2 hours of middle-aged women strutting their stuff on the runway. I’m not complaining…such things happen, but the point is, I didn’t understand it. These women who just minutes ago seemed mature, collected, and refined suddenly turned into giddy little girls when given the opportunity to dress up. I’m not sexist…really. It was a muscial with an all female cast, a tough show, a good show. I’d worked with seven of these nine ladies many times in the past and believe me, they were the stalwarts of the previous shows…reliable, well-mannered, and the most responsible members of those casts. Then we began rehearsal of our all-lady show and something happened. No one had warned me. It wasn’t necessarily bad or destructive to the show, but something happened. They formed a club…a pact….a sisterhood. I’m not a tyrannical director, but after just a few nights it became “Me…and Them.” Not me versus them, but there was a definite separation taking place. They had formed a sort of communal spirit that I could never quite invade. I’d give a bit of direction to a veteran actress of many years…a lady who’d trusted my direction through many shows…but this time…this time she hesitated. Her eyes would quickly “check out” my suggestion with one of her stage sisters. I’m not sexist…really...but there was a bit of voodoo taking place and the witch doctor had not invited me to the party. I’ve seen it in employment situations. The employees will be skilled and talented. The new administrator will be highly capable. But…..but she is a woman and the employees are women and something…something happens. You could place a male administrator in the same position…a genuine idiot of a male administrator, and things would somehow work, but a woman directing women.....uh. One of my first Christmas presents was a chemistry set from my Uncle Tobe. One post-holiday morning I through away the instruction book and started mixing chemicals together willy-nilly. The result was a nasty burn in mom’s carpet. I’m really not sexist…it’s chemistry, man. And women in the pulpit? Without doubt one of the finest preachers I’ve ever known was well-schooled, compassionate, creative, bold in her thinking…and a woman. Although women pastors have made remarkable strides and are doing extremely well in most places, this one didn’t mesh with the ladies in the congregation. Something unseen was happening…something that they never taught me in my Psychology 101 course. I once conducted an experiment when I was teaching at Triopia. I devised a fake scenario…the location of the annual senior trip was to be changed from St. Louis to Chicago. I’d rehearsed two members of my senior speech class, a boy and a girl, to make the identical announcement to two different sections of their classmates. It read something like, “Okay guys, our trip committee has decided to change our trip to Chicago because we can get to see more things there and we think we’ll have a better time.” The reactions of the two groups…although purposely similar in makeup…was night and day. They willingly bought into what the boy had to say and admired him for taking a bold stand. They thought the girl was being …well, the word they used was “bitchy.” Yes, it was a small sampling and I shouldn’t draw any huge conclusions, but darn it, there was a difference. There was a definite difference and it made me sad. I recently shared this quandary with a female friend. She said, “You’re not sexist…maybe a little naïve and stupid.” Thank God. I’m not sexist.