Lincoln’s Chopsticks
The Source
Abraham Lincoln uses chopsticks. In fact, he’s very good at it. He also prefers a slice of lemon in his Diet Pepsi and he’s Lutheran. I find it amazing that when some historians spend entire lifetimes trying to dig up a single new discovery about Lincoln, I discovered so much in 90 minutes. He also drives a maroon pickup with a customized lock on the rear end. It’s eerie to sit eating Egg Foo Whatever in an Oriental restaurant, sitting directly across from Abraham Lincoln. The other guests stare. Our sweet little waitress came to take our drink order and was suddenly stunned. She just stood there, mouth agape. He asked if he could help her. At that moment, nobody could. This particular Lincoln is named Fritz Klein and if you’ve seen Lincoln portrayed on TV’s the History Channel, or in recent Civil War movies, chances are you were looking at Fritz. Although on our dinner date he was dressed in khaki pants and a polo shirt, it was still an intimidating experience. He was between movies so he’d let some of his natural gray creep into his Lincoln-black hair, and without his hairpiece our 16th President had a receding hairline…still…I kept stopping in mid-noodle to stare. “That’s okay,” he said. “It happens to people all the time.” Originally a Texan who spent many years in Hawaii then St. Louis, Fritz worked at a botanical garden until he was swept into the business of impersonating Lincoln and now makes a good living playing our state’s most famous statesman. We were meeting to discuss several upcoming projects, but while Fritz talked scripts and movies, I sat there wondering what it would be like to go through life looking like the most recognized dead man on the planet. “I love Lincoln,” he said, “but boy, I get tired of the Gettysburg Address. People always want it whenever I make an appearance. It’s a good speech but Lincoln wrote so many good things.” Fritz doesn’t do those gatherings of Lincolns that you see every February 12th. I’ve seen those groups of tall Lincolns, portly Lincolns, short Lincolns and don’t-even-resemble-Lincolns and they’ve made me laugh. Fritz is a nice guy. He wouldn’t comment. “I always respect my benefactor,” he said. A little girl in the booth behind us was pointing frantically to my lunch mate. Her mother was trying to explain that Abraham Lincoln had not come back to life and did not eat sushi. After so many years of impersonating the famous President, Fritz didn’t even notice that everyone in the restaurant was staring at him. I didn’t know the original Kentuckian personally, but Fritz had so many qualities that we’ve come to associate with the famous President….the way he’d toss his head back to laugh, his intense curiosity, his absolute sincerity, and above all, Lincoln’s modesty. “Oh, I guess I do okay,” he said. I’ve Fritz Klein onstage and he’s the best I’ve ever watched. Within two days time I saw him perform for an audience of elementary students, then turn around and do a hour for our local Chautauqua audience. He tailored his presentation beautifully to both audiences without sacrificing a bit of authenticity. Not only a scholar, but a genuine actor. “The toughest part of playing Lincoln comes in venues which allow for questions and answers,” said Fritz. “You have to be careful. You have to know your man forward and backward.” I told him that I’d noticed Central Illinois was a hotbed of Lincoln “experts” with an “authority on Lincoln” located approximately every three feet from Quincy to Decatur. “I know,” he said. “And that’s good. The important thing is to not say more than you know. And there’s nothing wrong with sometimes simply saying, ‘You know, I don’t rightly remember.’” As he signed the credit card receipt I noticed he was left handed. I said, “That’s not very authentic.” He said, “I can use my right hand if someone is watching.” Before we left and I found that Republicans sometimes do pick up the tab, I asked, “Do you ever just put on your Lincoln costume and …I don’t know…go walking through the mall?” He looked at me from his Mt. Rushmore-ian height and with all sincerity said, “No.”