Oh Baby, baby.
The Source
Oh Baby, baby. It’s not often you start off a newspaper column by saying that you’re wrong about what you’re about to say. I’m in the minority, I’m not seeing the matter clearly, and there’s absolutely no excuse for my attitude….except it is my attitude and I can’t shake it. But before you label me the worst old curmudgeon on the block…the Scrooge who lives down at end of the street and whose attitude has soured toward the world….who needs to eventually be locked up someplace where his cranky, cantankerous attitude can’t harm others, let me give a recent example of the problem. I had maybe five minutes to dash into Shopko, buy a stick of eyeliner for an upcoming theatrical production, and rush back to the classroom. Shopko does a good job of moving folks along in the checkout line, and whenever the line of carts reaches the constipation point you can always go over to customer service and they’ll zip you out the door…which I did. Only one rather large man was between the checkout lady and me. He had only one item…. Listerine. Fine. One minute and I’m outta here. Then it happened. It happened as it so often happens in meetings, in stores, at funerals, wakes, and weddings…he whips out his cell phone to show the clerk “just a few pictures” of his grandkids. My friends, it was obvious that this man was not talking to a long-lost cousin behind the cash register. He didn’t even know the girl! Out of the blue he clicked through his voluminous files of digital photos and started presenting a prolonged travelogue of his family’s cutest moments to a complete stranger. Meanwhile my class was waiting for the teacher to arrive. The guy finally turned around to me and I quickly busied myself with my eye makeup for fear that I too would be subjected to this litany of digital monotony. It’s tough enough for me to stand in line holding a tube of mascara. I am not anti-baby! Really! Babies are fine! And although to me they all look exactly alike until their Junior Prom, they’re probably cute. In fact, I would even go so far as to say that in some cases babies are necessary, but dog-gone it, do we have to show the entire world their pictures at every opportunity? Out of respect for the dear lady, I’ll not name the town, but a recent area town board meeting was delayed ten minutes in starting as one of the village’s council members insisted on passing around photos of her grandchildren around the Thanksgiving table. Isn’t this a conflict of cherubs and state? Admittedly, the digital revolution has taken a minor irritation and blown it into a full-scale nuisance. Back in the day, you had to reach into your purse or wallet, search for the photos, then drag them out one at a time. Today with even the elderly having their cell phones surgically attached to their palms, it takes no time at all to take all the time in the world in showing off your current crop of cuties. On a recent Facebook entry, I read of a young mother in a panic. She’d misplaced her digital camera and it had been a week since she’d taken photos of her newborn. A week! I’ve been reading a history of Cass County and stumbled across this: “Christmas was a special event for the well-to-do citizens of Virginia, for it was on that occasion that the family would gather for a family photo. Of course photographs were only taken in years when the corn crop had been especially bountiful.” Can you imagine a family today waiting an entire year to snap a photo? Instead we have “Baby’s first sneeze.” “Baby after his first sneeze.” “Mother taking picture of baby after both baby and mother express delight at his first sneeze.” Did I mention that I’m wrong? Nothing can bring more delight to a family than the addition of a newborn. It revives the soul, it lightens the heart, it stimulates the economy, it keeps Gerber in business (and you can submit your “cute baby” photos to their website!) Would I ever voice my displeasure publically? Nope. Will I get in trouble for writing this? Probably. Will I smile and tell you that you have the cutest little digitalized darlings God ever made? You betcha. I may be a grouch, but I’m no idiot.