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Telling Tourist Tales

The Source

I panicked. The tour director handed me the microphone and said, “Here, this is your territory. Narrate it for us.” We’d just unloaded our boatload of passengers from the Spirit of Peoria riverboat at Meredosia and were headed with two busses full of tourists to overnight in Jacksonville. Me? Tour guide? “Go ahead,” he said. “Tell us about the history of the place,” and we nosed our way through Meredosia. My mind spun…I mean, I’d grown up in this area, but to give a guided tour? Grabbing the microphone like I knew what I was doing I began…Meredosia…uh… mussel fishing, buttons, fish, Frank Skinner the musician who wrote the score for Shenandoah and Harvey…uh…uh….buttons? Did I mention the buttons? Then through the river bottom…Yes, I know the corn is planted in a strange pattern..it’s Burrus seed corn. The male row goes between two female rows. How do you tell the sex of corn? Well, you make it. You change the sex when you pull its tassel. They think I’m talking dirty. We climb up the glacier-carved hills onto the Morgan County flats. Bethel…What do you say about Bethel? Uh…the most CB radio towers of any town its size in Illinois. Chapin. Chapin? I’ve taught in this area for 40 years and I can’t remember a thing about Chapin. I keep thinking of Harry Chapin who wrote “Cat’s in the Cradle.” Uh...Onken’s General store, Ma Ranken who ran a hotel and talked to her long-dead son…uh…railroad tracks, Big Country Days…Chapin’s slow speed limit stretches me…on to Jacksonville… Another town I should know by heart but unfortunately at this moment it’s my brain and not my heart that’s been called into action. I’ve spent my life listening to Jacksonville history and now it’s a garble…it’s a muddle…it’s burgoo. Three colleges. Huh? Yes, three. Remarkable….MacMurray, Peter Cartwright…other assorted Methodists…not a fan of Lincoln…Lincoln Land Community College…Illinois College, the Yale Band. Yale Band? They were backups for Harry Chapin ….Illinois School for the Deaf..the Tigers…Governor Duncan…..the school for the blind, I keep forgetting the school’s exact title but it’s just the other side of Lonzerotti’s.. you know, the other side of Routt…(I’m lost…I’m glib…the passengers are soaking up everything I say and one lady is taking notes…No! Dear God, don’t take notes!) …Ferris Wheels…lots of Ferris Wheels, the guy drew out the plans on a table napkin…Peter Cartwright…Wait, I wait I said that…circuit rider, didn’t even know Harry Chapin… General Grant and thousands of soldiers, camping at the fairground, seeing the car races, then moving on to Naples to catch a boat…Beecher Hall…first something west of the Allegany Mountains…new square just opened…Jacksonville Developmental Center, former “Hospital for the Insane,” Sheriff Peter Rabbit, Lincoln kept coming here, General Hardin…uh….the Civil War guy who was a musician…you know…uh…Ron Gray’s resurrected him for the Grierson...That’s it! General Grierson, failed in Meredosia business, succeeded in the Army….I nailed one! Harry Chapin never did any Grierson tunes that I know of…railroads….J.B. Turner’s hedge balls…Land Grant Colleges….Strawn Opera House, Mark Twain, Ginny Lind….Buffalo Bill had his Indian blankets made here….Billy Sunday crusades….Chautauqua founded by Wolf Fuhrig, late nineteenth century….Cruise Night ….. Lincoln came again…and again…courthouse on the square, hogs rooting under the floorboards… dairy creamer and records manufactured on this end of town and Mother Tucker’s cooking oil on that end…Underground Railroad ran in between, I think…no..oh well, close…town has its own symphony, Garrett Allman, great-great-grandson of Ludwig Von Allman..(Come on! This bus is taking forever to get to the hotels!) … Journal Courier, oldest continuous published newspaper in the world for which Harry Chapin wrote a column …uh….uh….old medical school, students stole cadavers from what is now Turner Jr. High….Joy Becker founded a bank now celebrating its 100th anniversary, has her own parking place, can see whose entering the Three Legged Dog from her office….Did I mention that Peter Cartwright…I did. Well, he did. Once held a cusser under water under he promised to give his life to the Lord….came out of the water and founded a college…(The hotel! Look! There’s your hotel!)… The history? Uh…Lincoln was once traveling the Interstate between Springfield and Quincy, his horse gave out and he founded this… We’re here! The guests ask if we’re going to take a guided tour of what seems to be such a fascinating town. I tell them the Clydesdales are taking up all the space on the square and we’d never make it back to the boat in time for breakfast.