World's Most
The Source
When the Dubai Tower opened officially a couple of weeks ago I was reminded once again how badly we need something of world class stature in the Jacksonville area. Tiny little Dubai’s name is splashed across the world media simply because they stacked I-beams taller than anyone else has and the country still uses only septic tanks. Heck, we have things around here that are a half-mile high (of course they’re all laying on their sides at the moment) and we have modern sewage systems. Which got me to wondering once again if there’s surely not something we could be known for other than long-dead elm trees and a Ferris wheel company that no longer gives tours. There must be something we’re missing. Like maybe… THE WORLD’S MOST EXPENSIVE EGG. Within a half-hour drive of Jacksonville you can sit at a Japanese restaurant in Springfield featuring the priciest egg this side of Faberge. All I can remember is that is has the word “Tokyo” in the title, you sit around elevated grills to watch the chef throw your meal around the griddle, and if you want an egg tossed into your rice it costs an extra four dollars. I asked the chef, by the way, and you’re not allowed to bring your own (cheaper) egg. Something about health regulations. Miffed that he seemed to be accusing me of possessing diseased eggs, I didn’t push it. THE WORLD’S MOST BORING STRETCH OF INTERSTATE. I’m sure that there are stretches of Arizona and Montana that would give the Jacksonville-Springfield jaunt a run for it’s tedious money, but at least around here the road to the state’s capital is still the best cure for insomnia. “Look, daddy! A fence!” Look, Daddy! Another fence!” Anytime the exit for New Berlin is the highlight of your trip, you know you’re on a tiresome road. THE WORLD’S FRIENDLIEST HOSPITAL. Okay, I’ve never actually visited all the others, but I’ve spent my share of time at the reception desks of some of our neighboring communities’ hospitals and can say with some certainty that when you walk in the front doors of Passavant you’ll be greeted with more than a perfunctory “May I help you?” True, the counter is way too high or the receptionist’s chair is too low and all you usually see is the top of a graying head peeking out over the top (Why don’t they at least buy them a large book to sit on?), but it’s a friendly head…always…without exception. If you seem worried about remembering the number of the room they’ll write it down for you and if you look as totally flummoxed as me, the lady behind the Dubai-sized counter will actually draw you a map. THE WORLD’S MOST RESILIANT DREAMERS. I know that every community has its quota of nay-sayers, pooh-pooh-ers, and sticks-in-the-mud, but I’ve never seen a community where the complainers crawl out of the woodwork so regularly as our little town on the prairie. There’s never a civic improvement, building plan, or renovation proposed in J’ville without an accompanying chorus of braying crows denouncing the idea. Okay, many communities can share this human propensity for doing nothing and complaining a lot, but what surely sets us apart from most other cities is the way our civic leaders and dreamers continue to lead and dream. It’s almost without parallel. Giving up and doing nothing is the lollygagger’s M.O., but in Jacksonville the dreams go on. Yes, we’re sometimes dammed up temporarily until the funding comes through, but once a trickle of support is detected they tend to plunge ahead, doing what should be done, often eventually benefiting the heretofore complainers the most. WORLD’S GREATEST AUTO SHOP. Dave Zink of Jack’s Auto Body promised me a free oil change if I’d put that in there.