← Poetry

Laura’s Squad, 1997

Gettin’ Along

A Bee C LauraAlisonJoshJaneShanitaGusJennyMalloryAaronKatieRachelLuke

Laura: Hi, we’re a Chorale Presentation Group from Triopia and we’d like to…. Josh: Eighth-grade. Laura: Huh? Josh: We’re in eighth-grade. Laura: Well I know that, silly. Josh: But they don’t….. silly! Tell them. Laura: Oh, like it really matters. (to the audience) Hi. We’re the 8th-grade Chorale Presentation Group from Triopia and …. Gus: One of them. Laura: What?!! Gus: We’re one of the 8th-grade groups. We’ve got two. Laura: Would you just let me finish? Jenny: Then would you just say it right? Laura: (a sigh, then turns to the audience) The people you have to put up with.. Just to be a (hits a pose) Star! (the group groans and rolls its eyes) So…without any further adieu… I hope!… Here we go. One, two, ready, go! (all three groups speak simultaneously) Group A: I’ll tell you the story of Cloony the Clown, Who worked in a circus that came through town. His shoes were too big and his hat was too small and he just wasn’t, just wasn’t funny at all……. Group Bee: Well the Rock Island Line is a mighty fine road, Well, the Rock Island Line is the Road to Ride. Well, the Rock Island Line is a mighty fine Road, If you want to ride it, then you ride it like you’re….Group C: Buffalo Gals won’t you come out tonight, Come out tonight, Come out tonight. Buffalo Gals won’t you come out tonight and dance by the light of the moon…. (all three groups stop and stare at each other… something is terribly wrong) Laura: What…..may I ask, is going on here? Mallory: We were about to ask you the same thing. Alison: You guys don’t even know what poem we’re doing first! Shanita: We know. What happened to you? Luke: The boys were the only ones who got it right. (then an ad-lib argument breaks out as the group breaks their positions and get in each other’s face) Laura: Hold it! Just hold it a minute! (they quiet) Do you have any idea how ridiculous you all look? Katie: You’re standing in front. Laura: Well somebody’s got to take control of this mess. Luke: If you guys would come to practice once in a while….. Jane: Us? You were the ones always practicing basketball! Luke: Hey, you play, too! (and another ad-lib confrontation takes place) Laura: Hold it! Hold it just a dog-goned minute! Gus: There she goes again. Josh: The “Star!” Laura: Look, we’re already down to a second place. We’ve only got one more place to drop. Let’s try to make the best of this. Ok, guys, you go first. Group C: They’ve put a brassiere on the camel! Aaron: She wasn’t dressed proper, you know. C: They’ve put a brassiere… Mallory: (stopping them) Now wait a minute! Aaron: What’re you doin’? Mallory: That is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard! Alison: And sexist! Luke: Sexist? A camel? Come on, it’s just a poem! Laura: Next year I’m taking a monologue. Group C: They’ve put a brassiere on the camel. Aaron: She wasn’t dressed proper, you know. C: They’ve put a brassiere on the camel. Luke: So that her humps wouldn’t show. C: They’re making other respectable plans. They’re even insisting that pigs should wear pants. Josh: They’ll dress up the ducks if we give them a chance Since they’ve put a brassiere on the camel. They’ve put a brassiere on the camel! They say she’s more decent this way. They’ve put a brassiere on the camel. Gus: The camel had nothing to say. C: They squeezed her into it. I’ll never know how. They say she looks more respectable now. Luke: Lord knows what they’ve got in mind for the cow. C: Since they’ve put a brassiere on the camel! Mallory: (as the boys high and low-five each other) Well, we’ve certainly showed our culture, now haven’t we? Gus: Hey! That was a good poem. Mallory: Oh good grief. Now they’ll all think we’re from Pittsfield or somewhere. Alison: Mallory, you just blew it. Mallory: Huh? Alison: The judge is from Pittsfield. Mallory: Oh my gosh! (going to the judge) Look, I’m sorry. I was just kidding, really. It was a figure of speech. Some of my best friends are from Pittsfield. Rachel: Name one. Mallory: Be quiet! (to the judge) Really… Pittsfield people are great Luke: Of course, I wouldn’t let my daughter marry one. All: Luke! Luke: Kidding. Really. Jenny: Just stand back guys, and let us show you how it’s done. Group A: Willie, with a thirst for gore, Nailed his sister to the door. Mother said, with humor quaint: Jane: Now Willie dear, Don’t scratch the paint! Luke: Us! And you think we’re gross! Jenny: Whadda you want us to do, nursery rhymes? Group Bee: Little Miss Muffet, sat on a tuffet, Collecting her shell-shocked wits. There dropped from a glider, a nuclear missile beside her. Alison: And frightened Miss Muffet to bits! Josh: Now that is really crude! Katie: Just listen to this one! Group A: Mary had a little lamb, Its fleece was white as snow. And everywhere that Mary went The lamb was sure to go. But Mary found the price of meat had soared, which didn’t please her. Tonight She’s having leg of lamb. Katie: The rest is in the freezer! Josh: And you accuse us of bad taste? Aaron: Hey, we can do that, too! Group C: Hey diddle-diddle, the E-coli fiddle. The beef jumped over the moon. The little dog laughed to see such fun. Josh: And died the following June. Laura: Look, we’re getting nowhere. Let’s try one together. Gus: Good luck. Girls: One two, buckle my shoe.. Boys: Buckle your own shoe! Girls: Who said that? Boys: I did. What are you doing with those silly buckles on your shoes anyway? Girls: Three, four, shut the door. Boys: You shut it. You opened it. Girls: Uh… Five, six, pick up sticks. Boys: Why should I pick them up? Do you think I’m your slave? “Buckle my shoe, Shut the door, pick up sticks.” Next thing you’ll be telling me to Lay Them straight! Girls: But it’s only a poem….. Nine, ten, a big fat…….Oh never mind. Shanita: You guys can ruin everything. Jane: We are really depressing our audience. Luke: Some of ‘em looked pretty depressed when they came in. Laura: Come on gals, let’s do something happy. All Girls: Have you been to the Land of Happy? Where everyone’s happy all day? Where they joke and they sing of the happiest things Jenny: And everyone’s jolly and gay? There’s no one unhappy in Happy. There’s laughter and smile galore. Laura: I have been to the Land of Happy! Boys: What -------- A----------- Bore! Alison: All right! That’s it! I quit! (and she storms off to sit in the audience) Mallory: Me too! (and she leaves) Laura: Hey, wait a minute! Luke: Come on, guys.. We’ve blown it. Let’s go. Gus: Do we still get to stop at Hardees on the way home? (they roll their eyes at Gus and all exit the area, leaving poor Laura alone onstage) Laura: (standing there alone… looking lost and forlorn.. she smiles a smile but we can see that it’s not heartfelt…) (finally) O----kay. (a fake laugh) O----kay. They’re all looking at me. (a weak smile) Great. What am I supposed to do now? (thinks a minute, then begins to sing) “The sun’ll come out, Tomorrow….” (but she stops…) Oops. Wrong contest. (and she slowly begins to lose her determination) All I wanted to do was come to speech contest. But if we don’t get along with each other, we…(begins to tear up a little) ..If we don’t get along, we….(suddenly, pulling herself together) I can deal with this! I can cope! (shouting) I am Woman, hear me roar! (but then she sees that it’s done no good…crumbles a little, then) Me-ow. (begins to cry) I give up. I mean, if we can’t work together, what good will it do to…(and she buries her head in her hands) …. Alison: I feel awful. Aaron: Me too. Jenny: Whadda you think we oughta do? Katie: Laura’s right. We’ll never get anywhere unless we stick together. Luke: We ain’t got a barrel of money. Jane: Maybe we’re ragged a funny. (and the others start to come out of the audience, onto the stage) Group A: But we’ll travel the road. Group Bee: Sharin’ our load…. All: Side by side. Group C: Through all kinds of weather.. Group A & Bee: What if the sky should fall? Group C: Just as long we’re together. All: It doesn’t matter at all. When we’ve all had our quarrels and parted, We’ll be the same as we started. Group C: Just a travelin’ along… Groups A & Bee: Singin’ our song.. Side by side! That’s all!

PAGE

PAGE 7