← Poetry

“The Dirty, Rotten Kid”

Kid:: I’M A DIRTY ROTTEN KID, THERE AIN’T NOTHIN’ I AIN’T DID. I DID IT ALL AND I’M DERNED PROUD TO BE A DIRTY, ROTTEN KID. I’VE DONE MORE STUFF THAN ALL OF YOU THERE’S NOTHIN’ I AIN’T TRIED TO DO. THERE’S REALLY NOTHIN’ I AIN’T DID. I’M JUST A DIRTY, ROTTEN KID. GROUP I: HIS MAMA SAYS, AUDREY: “HE’S RIGHT, THAT’S TRUE. THERE’S NOTHING THAT THAT BOY WON’T DO. HE PICKS HIS NOSE, HE ALWAYS BURPS, HE MAKES WEIRD NOISES WHEN IN CHURCH. HE SCRATCHES THINGS THAT SHOULDN’T BE AND MAKES A NERVOUS WRECK OF ME!” GROUP II: HIS DADDY SAYS, ERIC: “HE DRIVES ME NUTS! I’D LIKE TO REALLY KICK HIS BUTT! HE FLUNKS HIS CLASSES ALL YEAR LONG, HE PLAYS THOSE LOUD DISGUSTING SONGS. WHY CAN’T HE BE LIKE ME WHEN I WAS SUCH A SWEET, YOUNG LOVING GUY?” GROUP I & II: HIS TEACHER SAYS, ERIN: “I’D LIKE TO RIP HIS LITTLE HEAD PLUMB OFF HIS NECK! HE’S ALWAYS ACTING LIKE A PEST AND NEVER PASSES SPELLING TESTS! HE CROWDS IN LINE, HE STACKS THE LOCKERS! THE KID JUST DRIVES ME NEARLY BONKERS!”

KID: OH GOSH IT’S FUN, OH GEE IT’S GREAT TO BE A ROTTEN KID! JUST LOOK AT ME! MY FRIENDS ALL LOVE TO STOP SAY, SARAH: “I’D LIKE TO SEE HIM GO AWAY.” ALEX: “I WISH HE’D JUST LEAVE ME ALONE.” BRANDI: “WHY CAN’T THE ROTTEN KID STAY HOME AND GIVE US ALL A LITTLE BREAK? GO SUCK ON TOADS? GO EAT A SNAKE?” GROUP I: BUT LATE AT NIGHT WHEN NO ONE KNOWS, HE’D SNIFF AND CRY AND BLOW HIS NOSE AND WISH THAT PEOPLE LIKED HIM BETTER KID:‘STEAD OF TREATIN’ ME LIKE AN OLD BED WETTER GROUP II: AND SO HE’D CRY AND WISHING SO THAT MAYBE SOMEDAY ALL THE WORLD WILL BE HIS FRIENDS WITH LOVE AND HOPE! WOULD IT BE WORTH IT? (a beat, a smile) KID:: NOPE!