Don’t Bully Me, Bard!
Characters: LaFluer, a male Shakespearean actor Angelique: a female Shakespearean actor Belle, a female Shakespearean actor Pasqual, a student of either sex
ANGELIQUE: (entering, accompanied by a trumpet fanfare) Noble Lords, Ladies, Teachers, and even (name a student in the audience) ______________! Give ear to what I now proclaim! Presenting …for your enjoyment….Some Stuff by William Shakespeare! The players! (music as LaFluer and Angelique enter….nobly) Belle! (Belle bows) LaFluer! (likewise) And I am…Angelique! (If no tech person is available, Angelique can carry a boom box out with her.)
LaFLUER: What are we doing?
ANGELIQUE: Acting! We’re acting!
LaFLUER: But pray…what play?
ANGELIQUE: “Some Stuff By Shakespeare!”
ALL THREE: “Some Stuff by Shakespeare!”
LaFLUER: So what do we do?
ANGELIQUE: Pardon us…Many Shakespeare plays employed an actor known as “The Fool.” Need I point out which of us plays that role?
LaFLUER: (to the audience) Is she talking about me?
BELLE: Duh.
ANGELIQUE: Actors! Prepare!
ALL THREE: Prepare!
LaFLUER: For what?
ANGELIQUE: Follow me, Fool. And what better place to begin than Shakespeare’s greatest play about those star-crossed lovers!?
LaFLUER: Cool! Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie!
ANGELIQUE: No!
LaFLUER: Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston!
ANGELIQUE: Wrong!
LaFLUER: Oh! I know! I know!
ANGELIQUE: Finally!
LaFLUER: Brad Pitt and ___________ (name a female teacher at that school)
ANGELIQUE: (as Belle puts her hand over LaFluer’s mouth) Stop that! No, no! ‘Tis Romeo and fair Juliet of whom I speak! Romeo…(to LaFluer) …that’s you…Meets Juliet at a party!
LaFLUER: (eyeing Belle) Whoa, baby!
ANGELIQUE: He falls for her!
LaFLUER: (falls over onto his face)
ANGELIQUE: Idiot. I mean they fall in love!
LaFLUER: (still on floor) Oh. (to the audience) I tripped.
ANGELIQUE: They plan their wedding under her balcony.
LaFLUER: Her what?
ANGELIQUE: It’s a porch, fool!
LaFLUER: I knew that. (Belle climbs onto a chair)
BELLE: Oh Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou, Romeo? Deny thy father and refuse thy name!
LaFLUER: Why would I do that?
ANGELIQUE: Your families hate each other.
LaFLUER: Why?
ANGELIQUE: It doesn’t matter.
LaFLUER: But I like her!
ANGELIQUE: Pretend her father’s a Cubs’ fan.
LaFLUER: (growls)
ANGELIQUE: That’s better.
BELLE: If they do see thee, they will murder thee!
LaFLUER: Then forget it…(begins to exit)
ANGELIQUE: But he is not afraid!
LaFLUER: Yes, I am.
ANGELIQUE: No, you’re not! Speak!
LaFLUER: I have no cloak to hide me from their eyes, And, but thou love me, let them find me here; My life were better ended by their hate… What am I saying?
BELLE: If thou dost love, pronounce it faithfully: Or if thou thinkest I am too quickly won, I’ll frown, and be perverse, and say thee nay.
LaFLUER: Okay. “Nay” it is… (begins to leave)
ANGELIQUE: Stop! Speak!
LaFLUER: Lady, by yonder blessed moon I vow, That tips with silver al these fruit-tree tops!
BELLE: My bounty is as boundless as the sea, My love as deep, the more I give to thee.
ANGELIQUE: You love the girl! Her family hates your family! What will you do?
LaFLUER: Do?
ANGELIQUE: Do.
LaFLUER: I think that I’m in deep doo-doo!
ANGELIQUE: And so the lovers agree to sneak off and marry! (as LeFluer and Belle quickly arrange themselves as Angelique officiates) Do you?
BELLE: I do.
ANGELIQUE: Do you?
LaFLUER: Me too.
ANGELIQUE: You’re married.
LaFLUER: Wow! Like Las Vegas!
ANGELIQUE: But!!!
LaFLUER: What?
ANGELIQUE & BELLE: But!!!
LaFLUER: I hate the way they say that.
ANGELIQUE: Meanwhile, Juliet’s family wants her to marry a young man named Paris!
BELLE: We ran out of actors.
LaFLUER: We need a Paris.
ANGELIQUE: Oh. (looking at the audience) Is there a Paris out there somewhere? Would someone play Paris for us? (hands will go up…pick one) Aha! Paris! (as Belle grabs a Tudor hat or some Elizabethan bit of clothing and puts it on the boy) Ladies and gentlemen! Meet Paris! (LaFluer and Belle lead the applause) He is handsome! He is strong! He is mean! He hates Romeo!
LaFLUER: (falling to his knees and hiding behind Belle) Please don’t hurt me!
ANGELIQUE: There is a fight! Paris’s good friend Tybalt kills Mercutio, Romeo’s best friend! Romeo is angry!
LaFLUER: (growls again)
ANGELIQUE: He grabs his sword! (LaFluer grabs a sword) He is ready to murder someone!
LaFLUER: (growls)
BELLE: (as Belle quickly hands a sword to the young man from the audience) Here. Fight him.
ANGELIQUE: Hold it! (to the boy from the audience) You need a stunt man for this! They fight! (a bit of fencing between Angelique and LaFluer as Belle moves the young man back to the audience) (at the duel’s finale) And Romeo kills Tybalt! (LeFluer prepares for his death thrust as he’s interrupted by a voice from the audience)
PASQUAL: Hold it!
LaFLUER: (looking to the audience) Who said that?
PASQUAL: (standing) Me.
BELLE: Who is he?
ANGELIQUE: Ask him.
BELLE: Who are you?
PASQUAL: I just came to see the show.
LaFLUER: He’s stopping the show. (to Angelique) Tell him to stop stopping the show. (to Pasqual) Stop it.
BELLE: He just did.
ANGELIQUE: What’s uh…you know…what’s the problem?
PASQUAL: The plot…the story you’re telling.
ANGELIQUE: It’s Shakespeare! It’s a classic!
PASQUAL: It stinks.
THE THREE ACTORS: Ahhh!
LaFLUER: Did you hear what he said?
BELLE: I heard.
LaFLUER: (to someone in the audience) He said Shakespeare stinks. You can’t say Shakespeare stinks.
BELLE: He just did.
LaFLUER: (to the audience) He’s not with us! He just walked in! (to Pasqual) Mrs. ________(name local English teacher) isn’t going to like this. You’re in trouble, buddy.
PASQUAL: Shakespeare doesn’t stink.
LaFLUER: Huh?
PASQUAL: It’s Romeo.
BELLE: Romeo stinks?
PASQUAL: No…just the idea. You don’t just push people around. Poor Romeo…he falls in love so he kills somebody. That kid needs to talk to Dr. Phil.
LaFLUER: He’s ruining our show.
ANGELIQUE: Look…uh….what’s your name?
PASQUAL: I could be anybody. I’ll just borrow a name. (to a student in the audience) What’s your name? (the student responds) Cool. Mind if I borrow your name for a minute? Okay. I’m Bob. {We’ll use “Bob” as a stand-in for whatever name the student gives.}
ANGELIQUE: Uh…Bob… We just came to do a few scenes from Shakespeare and have a little fun with the kids here at (name the school) ___________________.
PASQUAL: That’s cool. But sometimes it’s not funny to be pushed around. (to the audience) Anybody here been made fun of? (gets a response) Anybody here feel lonely sometimes? (to Angelique) Think we ought to give them all swords and let them fight it out?
BELLE: No!
LaFLUER: If there’s gonna be a fight, I’m leaving…(begins to exit)
ANGELIQUE: Hold it! Hold it! Look…maybe we picked the wrong play. I know! MacBeth! We’ll do MacBeth!
BELLE & LaFLUER: MacBeth! Yes! (and they move to prepare)
PASQUAL: Hold it! Hold it! The play where Lady MacBeth bullies her husband into murder?
ANGELIQUE: Well…sort of.
PASQUAL: Still stinks.
ANGELIQUE: Then…uh…Hamlet! Shakespeare’s greatest play!
BELLE & LaFLUER: Hamlet! Yes! (and they again move to prepare)
PASQUAL: Wait a minute…wait a minute.
ANGELIQUE: Now what?
PASQUAL: The king murders his father, he drives his sister crazy, then half the cast dies in the end?
ANGELIQUE: Well…if you put it that way. But what about “To be or not to be?”
PASQUAL: I’d say… “Not.”
ANGELIQUE: Not?
PASQUAL: Not.
LaFLUER: Rot.
PASQUAL: This thing you were doing…
BELLE: Romeo and Juliet?
PASQUAL: Yeah. Maybe you could change it up a little.
ANGELIQUE: Change it up?
PASQUAL: Tweak it. You know.
BELLE: But we don’t have the script!
LaFLUER: I can’t work without a script!
PASQUAL: You’re actors aren’t you?
THE THREE: Yes!
PASQUAL: Then adlib…make it up as you go along.
LaFLUER: No lines? I have to have lines. I’m a nervous wreck without lines. Without a script I have to think.
ANGELIQUE: It’ll be something new.
PASQUAL: Okay…here’s the set-up.
LaFLUER: I’m scared.
BELLE: Just play along. Maybe he’ll go away.
PASQUAL: You ready? (the actors warily shrug “okay”) (to the audience) You ready? (they respond) Okay….let’s try this. Let’s see if we can make Shakespeare a nicer… Let’s show him how to work out his problems? (to LaFluer) Romeo?
LaFLUER: (warily) Uh…if you say so.
PASQUAL: You’re the new kid at school. It’s your first day at (name the school) ____________.
LaFLUER: (Xing to a member of the audience and shaking hands) Hi. I’m Romeo.
PASQUAL: Nice start. Okay…it’s lunch hour. You don’t know anybody. (LaFluer picks up a real or imaginary tray and begins looking out.) You don’t know where to sit. You see a group of boys sitting together. (Angelique plays the “group” of boys by sitting near some kids in the audience.) You walk over to where they’re sitting. They just stare at you.
ANGELIQUE: (to the kids around here) Let’s stare at him.
PASQUAL: They whisper to each other.
ANGELIQUE: (to the kids) Did you see what he’s wearing?
PASQUAL: This isn’t going well.
LaFLUER: I wanna go home.
PASQUAL: You see a girl sitting by herself. Her name is Juliet. (Belle takes a position.)
LaFLUER: (sighs sweetly, then) “Juliet.”
PASQUAL: She smiles at you. (she does) You walk over to her. (he does)
LaFLUER: Can I sit here?
PASQUAL: Hold it! Hold it!
LaFLUER: What’d I do?
PASQUAL: This is Shakespeare. Shakespeare wouldn’t say, “Can I sit here?”
LaFLUER: But I….
PASQUAL: Improvise!
LaFLUER: (thinks a brief moment, then) Dear lovely maiden, Juliet. . . methinks I need a place to sit.”
PASQUAL: Great!
LaFLUER: I did it!
ANGELIQUE: You did it!
PASQUAL: Go ahead…go ahead…
LaFLUER: This day bodes strange, for I am new And wondered I if perchance you Would welcome me and do so gladly While I eat my chicken patty?
PASQUAL: Hurrah!
LaFLUER: Wow! I’m good at this!
PASQUAL: Now Juliet speaks.
BELLE: I do?
LaFLUER: Speak you must, and make it bold, For my patty’s getting cold. (to the audience) Now that was clever.
BELLE: Please kind sir, your will is mine. I saw you in the ketchup line. Have your seat where e’re you may. You look so sad and lost today.
PASQUAL: Nice work! (to LaFluer) Well…go ahead! Sit and talk to her.
LaFLUER: (moving to a position beside her) That bully there, his name’s Tybalt. Could you kindly pass the salt?
PASQUAL: Uh…try again. That sounded pretty dumb. Come on, if you want somebody to be your friend, then you’ve got to be …you know…be their friend.
LaFLUER: Oh maiden fair, with lovely eyes! Are you going to eat those fries?
PASQUAL: You really don’t get it, do you?
LaFLUER: Hey! It rhymed!
PASQUAL: One more try.
LaFLUER: Uh….. Could’st we be friends, this moment, think ye?
BELLE: Sure. You want to share my Twinkie?
PASQUAL: Great! Great! (LaFluer and Belle look at each other…score!) Sometimes when we feel left out…when we feel we’re being pushed around or bothered. …well…sometimes we can do something about it.
ANGELIQUE: That is so cool.
PASQUAL: There’s always someone like us who needs a friend.
LaFLUER: Really?
PASQUAL: Really. Watch this. (moving to a child in the audience) Hi. My name’s Bob. What’s yours? (the child gives his/her name) (to the others) Hey guys, this is my new friend ____________.
THE ACTORS: Hi _____________!
PASQUAL: That wasn’t hard, was it? Just getting to know a new person’s name.
LaFLUER: But how do I get to know them?
PASQUAL: We’re all different, but we’re so much alike. Watch this. (to the audience) Okay…now I’m going to ask you a question and I want you to give me an honest answer, okay? (they respond) How many of you…when you go to bed at night…or maybe you used to do this….You took one giant step before you got to your bed so nothing would reach out and grab you from under the bed? (they respond) See? Just like me! Okay…one more question…How many of you…you’re in bed now… used to cover up every bit of yourself except one hole to breathe through? (they respond) (to the actors) See what I’m saying? The shyest person in this school…and even the kids who act like a bully sometimes…underneath it they’re just like me and you!
BELLE: Wow. I never imagined.
PASQUAL: Okay! On with the play!
THE ACTORS: On with the play!
PASQUAL: Romeo and Juliet grow up a bit…they begin high school….They’re still great friends!
LaFLUER & BELLE: (join hands and look at each other adoringly) Aww…..
PASQUAL: Friends.
LaFLUER: (disappointed as Belle drops his hand gently) Awww.
PASQUAL: And now it’s Juliet who has a problem. She learns about the Queen!
ANGELIQUE: Oh! Me! Me! Pick me! I love playing Queens!
PASQUAL: (looking at her) Perfect.
ANGELIQUE: What’s my name? What’s my name?
PASQUAL: Your name is….Queen Bee!
ANGELIQUE: Queen Bee! Wonderful!
PASQUAL: I thought you’d get a “buzz” out of it.
LaFLUER: Oh. I get it. That’s funny.
PASQUAL: Queen Bee is also a student at the school and they call her that because…
ANGELIQUE: She’s beautiful!
PASQUAL: No.
ANGELIQUE: They call her that because she’s talented!
PASQUAL: Not really.
ANGELIQUE: But…
PASQUAL: She’s called Queen Bee because she decides who’s popular and who’s not. She’s a bully.
BELLE: But that’s not fair for one person to decide who’s popular!
PASQUAL: I didn’t say it was fair. In some schools that’s the way it is. Hit it!
BELLE: (texting) Oh Romeo, my Romeo! The Queen Bee wants my neck! She’s told my friends to never speak to me or send a text!
ANGELIQUE: (texting) Juliet is not our type. She doesn’t fit in well. Just don’t speak to her today! Ignore her! L-O-L!
LaFLUER: (texting) Just ignore the old Queen Bee! You’ve got me as a friend!
BELLE: I can’t! LaFLUER: You must! ANGELIQUE: You wouldn’t dare! PASQUAL: This texting has to end! Just talk to her, don’t send a text! Don’t Facebook, call or write! Talk to her…just talk to her…and be, perchance, polite.
BELLE: But she’s the boss! The leader! The one the kids all fear! What if I approach her and the Queen bites off my ear!
PASQUAL: Stand up straight, be true and firm. In yourself be trusting. Besides, from what I know of ears, they taste just darned disgusting.
BELLE: But what if she…? PASQUAL: Just wait and see. BELLE: But what if she goes wild? PASQUAL: Inside every bully’s heart, there lives a little child. She has problems just like you, she fears the self-same fears. She laughs like you, she smiles like you…Like you, she sheds some tears.
PASQUAL: Do it, my dear Juliet. I know you can, my friend! To thine own dear self be true! Now do the deed… PASQUAL: And then… Juliet approached the Queen upon her royal throne. …Actually, it was the locker room, but she was there alone. (As Angelique and Belle pantomime the action.) She said, “My friend…I hope you are…I hardly even know you. And yet, I hear, you said some things…well, that really seemed below you.”
LaFLUER: They chatted in the locker room…it rather smelled a bit. And what was said, I can’t relate….But no one threw a fit.
PASQUAL: No one yelled… LaFLUER: No one cried… PASQUAL: No one lost her temper. LaFLUER: But from that very day ‘til now, things got somewhat better.
PASQUAL: The Queen had never had someone speak kindly…firm, but mild. LaFLUER: When she next saw Juliet…The Queen…PASQUAL: No kidding.. LaFLUER: …smiled!
PASQUAL: Now you see! Isn’t that better! You don’t stop a bully by fighting. Sometimes you just get the courage to stand up for yourself.
ANGELIQUE: And this always works?
PASQUAL: Sometimes…it depends. Sometimes you have to go to an adult you can trust. Sometimes you need to tell one of your parents. But sometimes….sometimes you can very firmly, but gently say…
BELLE: Please don’t do that.
PASQUAL: Or…..
BELLE: You’re a good person…so am I. Let’s just get along, okay?
LaFLUER: Amazing.
PASQUAL: But true. Now, about that sword fight.
BELLE: Sword fight?
ANGELIQUE: I thought you didn’t like that idea.
PASQUAL: I think you missed something.
LaFLUER: Yeah. She missed my heart…by about two inches.
PASQUAL: No…something else. Let’s do the scene.
ANGELIQUE: The fight scene? But you said…
PASQUAL: There’s something you missed…something about bullying.
ANGELIQUE: Look…uh…Bob. .. I know my Shakespeare. You can’t just walk in here and tell us how to…
PASQUAL: Oh come on. (going to a boy in the audience) This boy here really liked the swords. (to the boy) Wasn’t that cool? (he answers) Let’s see just little bit of it again. I want you to notice something. You ready?
ANGELIQUE: Humor him. (along with LeFluer, again taking up the swords)
PASQUAL: Great! Great! Act III! Scene one! Tybalt and his friends are just hanging out on the streets of ______ (name the local town) when Romeo and his friends come along. (Angelique and LaFluer take their opposing places as Belle watches) Okay…so Tybalt and his gang are just hanging out…when here comes Romeo and his home boys. Tybalt sees him! He is angry! He says,
ANGELIQUE: Romeo, the hate I bear thee can afford no better term than this…Thou art a villain!
PASQUAL: He said he doesn’t care for Romeo. They aren’t Best Friends on Facebook.
LaFLUER: Tybalt, the reason that I have to love thee doth much excuse such a greeting. Villain am I none!
PASQUAL: He said, “What’s the deal, bro? What’d I do to you?”
ANGELIQUE: Boy, this shall not excuse the injuries that thou has done me!
PASQUAL: “Too bad, Dude. You been bad to me!”
ANGELIQUE: Turn and draw!
PASQUAL: “Put up or shut up!”
LaFLUER: I do protest!
PASQUAL: “No way, man!”
LaFLUER: I never injured thee!
PASQUAL: “You started it, Dude!”
LaFLUER: But love thee better than thou canst devise!
PASQUAL: “Come over this afternoon and we can play Halo 2 on my Xbox!” They fight! (and a short skirmish ensues…then just at the fight’s climax..) Hold it!
ANGELIQUE: What now?
PASQUAL: See what you missed?
LaFLUER: My toe?
PASQUAL: No. You missed this (points Belle.)
BELLE: Me?
ANGELIQUE: Belle? She didn’t do anything. She just stood there.
PASQUAL: She didn’t do anything. You’re right.
BELLE: I don’t get it.
PASQUAL: When someone’s being bullied …and you do nothing… you’re partly to blame. Maybe you’re part of the problem.
BELLE: That’s not fair.
PASQUAL: I know. Too bad.
BELLE: But what should I do when I see someone being bullied?
PASQUAL: Oh, there are lots of little tricks.
LaFLUER: Like what?
BELLE: Like what?
ANGELIQUE: Like what?
PASQUAL: Watch this! Hey, it’s time for America’s newest game show! “Are…You…a Bully?” (to the audience) Okay…you all need to help me say this so we can start the show. When I point to you, you shout, “Are …You…a Bully?” Ready? (points to them) (with the audience) Are…You…a Bully? (Xing to Belle) Here’s contestant number one! (moving LaFluer into place) And contestant number two! And…(looking into the audience) I need a contestant number three. (to a boy or girl in the audience) How about you? (this is a pre-arranged audience member who’s been coached) Let’s hear it for contestant number three! (the three stand side-by-side) Okay everybody…Let’s play the game! And what’s that game called? (leading the audience) Are…you…a Bully? Here’s the situation…Jeana is new to this school. (Angelique X’s DS and plays the role) She doesn’t know anyone. She doesn’t dress like the popular kids and she speaks with sort of funny. The other kids whisper about her behind her back. Sometimes even in front of her back! Contestant number one! You see her standing alone in the hallway. The other kids are pointing and laughing. What will you do?
BELLE: Well, I mean, I not really doing anything. I’m just standing there.
PASQUAL: Are you offering to be her friend?
BELLE: Are you kidding? Then the other kids would make fun of me….
PASQUAL: (to the audience) Let’s ask her: Contestant number one.. (leading the kids to chant) “Are…You….a Bully?”
BELLE: (a beat, then) Oh…yes, darn it! (stomps off a little, disgusted with herself)
PASQUAL: Contestant number two!
LaFLUER: (quickly) I’m scared. Pick (pointing to the contestant three from the audience) her/him.
PASQUAL: Sorry. It’s your turn. Someone puts something really funny about the new girl on your Facebook page. What will you do?
LaFLUER: Uh…uh…
PASQUAL: I need an answer!
LaFLUER: If I delete it the person who posted it will get mad.
PASQUAL: But…
LaFLUER: But if I leave it, the new girl might find out and it’ll hurt her feelings.
PASQUAL: That’s right! So….?
LaFLUER: Gosh. I don’t want anyone mad at me. I’ll just leave it. I didn’t put it there. I can blame somebody else.
PASQUAL: Contestant number three…(encouraging the audience) “Are….You…a Bully?”
LaFLUER: Yes! Yes! I’m a bully, too! I’m sorry! I blew it! This isn’t fair. I want my mommy!
PASQUAL: Contestant number three . . . All she wants is a friend. What will you do? (The contestant from the audience…depending upon how well he or she takes directions, simply runs over and hugs Angelique.) (to the audience) Let’s ask her. Contestant number three… “Are …You…a Bully?”
CHILD FROM AUDIENCE: Nope!
PASQUAL: We have a winner! We have a winner! (he escorts the child back to the audience)
ANGELIQUE: And that’s it?
PASQUAL: That’s what?
ANGELIQUE: You can be a bully by just doing nothing?
PASQUAL: It doesn’t matter what you call it, when you hurt someone’s feelings, that’s not cool. You can’t always change the bully, but you can always help a friend.
LaFLUER: Gosh. I feel awful.
BELLE: Me too.
PASQUAL: It’s time for the Top Ten List!
ANGELIQUE: What? We came to ________________ to do Shakespeare and now we’re doing a Top Ten List?
PASQUAL: The Top Ten List of the Dumbest things you can say about bullying! (handing out slips of paper to the other three)
LaFLUER: What are we doing?
BELLE: Just humor him. He could be dangerous.
PASQUAL: (to the audience) You guys are so great. Can you help me one more time? Whenever I point to you, will you say, “Well…duh!”? Wanna try it? Here we go! (pointing to them) “Well duh!” Fantastic! Here we go! The top ten dumbest things you can say about bullying! Number Ten!
ANGELIQUE: (reading from her paper as do the others) “I sent that text but I was just kidding.”
PASQUAL: (Points to audience: “Well Duh!”) Number nine!
BELLE: Yeah, I took that picture, but I didn’t mean for anyone to see it.
PASQUAL: (Points to audience: “Well Duh!”) Number eight!
LaFLUER: “A loaf of bread, a package of baloney and a six pack of Mountain Dew.”
PASQUAL: Hold it! Hold it! That was my shopping list. (handing him another paper) Here. (to Belle) You go.
BELLE: “I wasn’t being a bully. I besides, she started it.”
PASQUAL: (Points to audience: “Well Duh!”) Number seven!
ANGELIQUE: “I was just teasing.”
PASQUAL: (Points to audience: “Well Duh!”) Number six!
BELLE: “If she sits by herself at lunch, that’s not my fault.”
PASQUAL: (Points to audience: “Well Duh!”) Number five!
LaFLUER: “From the police department of (name the town)________. You were illegally parked on _________ Street.”
PASQUAL: Hold it! Hold it! That’s my parking ticket! (hands him another paper)
LaFLUER: “How can I be ignoring her? I didn’t even notice her.”
PASQUAL: (Points to audience: “Well Duh!”) Number four!
ANGELIQUE: “I wasn’t making fun of him. I was just doing what everybody else was doing.”
PASQUAL: (Points to audience: “Well Duh!”) Number three!
BELLE: “It was the other kids. I was just watching.”
PASQUAL: (Points to audience: “Well Duh!”) Number two!
ANGELIQUE: “I was just whispering. Not about him.”
PASQUAL: And number one!
LaFLUER: “How can I be a bully if I didn’t do anything?”
PASQUAL: Now a really big one! “Well, Duh!!!” Sweet! Nice job!
BELLE: So you can be a bully just because you do nothing….
PASQUAL: Well, duh. When you see someone being picked on, being left out, being gossiped about…you have a choice. You can help or you can be part of the problem.
LaFLUER: I don’t understand.
PASQUAL: Oh, you Shakespearean actors! Everything has to be in verse! Could you understand it if it rhymed?
LaFLUER: Maybe.
PASQUAL: Look, handling bullies is so simple that anyone could catch on. Even …(pointing at a pre-coached child in the audience) …even him!
LaFLUER: Him? He’s an actor?
PASQUAL: (taking the boy by the hand and bringing him onto the stage) Are you kidding? He’s probably the best actor in (local town)__________! And he knows his lines!(to the boy) Don’t you? Gosh, I hope you do!
BELLE: What are we doing?
PASQUAL: We’re going to do our version of Shakespearean verse! Shakespeare was called “The Bard of Avon” so our play is called…. “Don’t Bully Me, Bard!”
ANGELIQUE: This is ridiculous! You can’t just pick a kid out of the audience and expect him to…
PASQUAL: Oh, this isn’t just any young man! Look at him! Tall! Strong! Intelligent!
LaFLUER: He scares me. (to the boy) Are you nice?
PASQUAL: Of course he’s nice! Let us begin…..The Play! Don’t Bully me, Bard! Act One! (pointing to Angelique) Lady MacBeth enters!
ANGELIQUE: Oh, I am the Queen! You know what I mean? Everyone listens to me! I decide what you wear and the cut of your hair… I’m the boss of this school, don’t you see? Now tell me young man, just where you stand…Do think that I’m acting too cruelly? Well, say something, Silly! …What I am really? PASQUAL: What do you think? BOY: You’re a bully.
ANGELIQUE: Ahh!
PASQUAL: (to the boy) Bravo! Bravo! Act Two! (LaFluer comes forward) Richard the Third is an ugly old nerd who always makes fun of the others. He calls kids cruel names and runs all the games and never obeys his own mother.
LaFLUER: (to the young boy) I’ll call you a name, and you can’t complain! And if you don’t like it, then sue me! PASQUAL: So what do you say to this kid who calls names? LaFLUER: What am I, then? BOY: You’re a bully! LaFLUER: Darn!
PASQUAL: Now one final scene with these villains so mean…Act Three! It features a girl! BELLE: My name’s Juliet! Have we yet met? I’m the loveliest girl in the world! PASQUAL: She thinks she’s the best. BELLE: She thinks? I protest! For none are as lovely as me! PASQUAL: She’s proud and she’s vain. BELLE: I’ve the prettiest name! PASQUAL: And as for her temper, you’ll see. BELLE: I must be the cutest, the finest, the coolest! PASQUAL: Oh give me a break, Juliet. BELLE: You can’t disagree! You must all worship me! I’m the prettiest girl! PASQUAL: Wanna bet? BELLE: You must dress just like me and do the same things that I do if you want to be cool. You must talk like I talk and walk like I walk if you want to be liked in this school. PASQUAL: The girl’s got a problem, it’s easy to see… She’s in love with herself, and quite fully. So what would you say if this girl came your way? BELLE: Yes, what would you say? BOY: You’re a bully. BELLE: Ahhh!
PASQUAL: (clapping and encouraging the audience to do so) Bravo! Bravissimo! Linguini! Pastrami! Buenos Tacos! Let’s hear for our actor! (and he leads the boy back to his seat.)
ANGELIQUE: Wow.
BELLE: What?
ANGELIQUE: I think I get it. I think I finally get it. You can be bully without even knowing it.
PASQUAL: You’re right.
ANGELIQUE: All you have to do is….is…
BELLE: Care about people. Put yourself in their shoes.
ANGELIQUE: Imagine how they must feel.
PASQUAL: You know, I think I like this show. (notices LaFluer off to himself) What’s the matter?
LaFLUER: I was just thinking.
PASQUAL: Yeah?
LaFLUER: My friend in fifth grade. Isn’t that weird that I’d think about him today?
PASQUAL: What about him?
LaFLUER: He didn’t come to school one day.
BELLE: What are you talking about?
LaFLUER: Jimmy. I just now thought about him. He was a little kid…shy. But he was my best buddy. The bigger kids would pick on him and call him names like Pipsqueak and Tiny.
BELLE: What’d you do?
LaFLUER: Nothing. I didn’t pick on him. I was nice to him.
BELLE: But what did you do to help him?
LaFLUER: Nothing. I didn’t want to make trouble. The one day…
BELLE: Yeah?
LaFLUER: One day he just didn’t come to school.
ANGELIQUE: Brittany.
BELLE: Huh?
ANGELIQUE: This girl named Brittany. She wasn’t very popular but it was her birthday and she invited us all to her house. The kids all decided they wouldn’t go. They told each other not to go…but my mom found the invitation and she said, “Angelique, you’re going.” So she took me to Brittany’s house and when we pulled up…(she stops)
PASQUAL: Go on.
ANGELIQUE: When we pulled up I saw Brittany’s eyes staring out from between the curtains. She had refreshments for like thirty kids and I was the only one who showed up.
PASQUAL: And….?
ANGELIQUE: And I’m glad I went. We had a great time.
BELLE: This one girl called me fat.
PASQUAL: That’s terrible.
BELLE: I was in grade school and she had the kids throw at me on purpose in dodge ball. I thought about telling the P.E. teacher that I was sick and couldn’t take P.E….then I changed my mind.
LaFLUER: What’d you do?
BELLE: I went up to her in the locker room…I was scared, but I did it. I made sure there was nobody else around and I said, “When you say things like that it really hurts my feelings.”
ANGELIQUE: (a long beat, then) What? What happened?
BELLE: She just stood there for a long time…nobody had ever told her that before. Then she said… She said, “I’m sorry.”
LaFLUER: (a beat, then he turns to Pasqual) What about you?
PASQUAL: It’s a dumb story.
ANGELIQUE: Go ahead.
LaFLUER: What happened?
PASQUAL: I pushed this kid down. He was always hanging around us in third grade and wanting to get in our games, but I was …you know…the boss. I told him to get lost.
ANGELIQUE: You pushed him down?
PASQUAL: He wouldn’t go away. He just kept hanging around…making me look bad. So I just pushed him…not even hard, but it was on the sidewalk. He just laid there…and then the teacher came running out and asked him what happened.
BELLE: (a long beat, then) And….?
PASQUAL: His lip was bleeding and he looked at me…then he looked at her… said, “I fell. I fell down.” (a beat, then) Man, I’ve felt bad about that ever since.
BELLE: You were…
PASQUAL: I was a bully. I’m sorry. I wish I knew where that kid was today. I want to tell him I’m sorry. (to the audience) Boys and girls…this is a real story. This part isn’t a play. Please…just stop and think before you do or say something that could hurt someone.
BELLE: Remember that everybody is different…not better or worse, just different.
ANGELIQUE: If it’s too hard for you to speak up to a bully, then walk away ..and stay away.
LaFLUER: Everybody’s got at least one adult you can trust, right? If you get bullied and you can stop it, tell that person.
BELLE: Be kind to the kid who’s being bullied. Show them you care. Just hang out with them and show them they’re not alone. That’s called being a hero.
PASQUAL: And it’s not too late…right now…today…to apologize to someone you’ve made feel bad.
LaFLUER: (a long beat, then) So what do we do now?
PASQUAL: What would Shakespeare say?
(Quickly) ANGELIQUE: Mount the battlements!
LaFLUER: Bullies beware!
BELLE: To be or not to be…Who cares?
PASQUAL: Be true to thyself!
ANGELIQUE: Don’t be alarmed!
BELLE: Just stand up and say…
ALL: Don’t bully me, Bard!