Travis and God, PAC I, 2, 2007
TRAVIS: Hey God. GOD: Hi, Trav. TRAVIS: Got a minute? GOD: Eternity. TRAVIS: Oh.. (laughs) Yea, I guess you do. Look, can I share something with you? GOD: That’s my favorite part of camp. Just talking. TRAVIS: Okay…I mean, I don’t really don’t how to say this. I’m not criticizing anybody or anything, but I’ve noticed something. GOD: Yea? TRAVIS: These people around here… GOD: Uh-huh. TRAVIS: (a beat, look both ways, then) They pray all the time. GOD: No! TRAVIS: I don’t mean that’s wrong! I mean, that’s what you like and all that stuff. But I mean…well…it’s just all the time! Every time you turn around somebody’s praying. GOD: Must be weirdoes. TRAVIS: (laughs, then) Seriously. I know you’re supposed to pray but holy cow…Can I say “Holy cow” to you? GOD: It’s okay with me. I haven’t checked with the cow. TRAVIS: I mean, when we eat we pray, and when we perform, and in small groups, and sometimes just right out there in the open! GOD: No! TRAVIS: Okay, I know that’s not bad. But…I mean…and don’t get mad. But do you really have to pray that much? GOD: (a beat, then) No. TRAVIS: (a long beat) That’s all you’ve got to say? You see, I want to do this right ..I don’t want to make you mad or anything. GOD: Do a hand-stand. TRAVIS: What? GOD: God just said “Do a hand stand.” Don’t argue. TRAVIS: (does a handstand…while he’s doing it) Like this? GOD: Nice job! Okay, that’s enough. Now…run around in circles. TRAVIS: Is this some kind of test? GOD: Yea. And you’re flunking. Move it, Travis! TRAVIS: (after he’s run a bit) For how long? GOD: Okay, you can stop. Now…were you just talking to me? TRAVIS: Yea, I was asking you if we really had to pray all the time. GOD: I love impersonations. Are you talkin’ to me? Are you talkin’ to me? TRAVIS: Robert DeNiro! Taxi Driver! GOD: Travis Deaver! Idiot! TRAVIS: Huh? GOD: You’re talking to me, Travis! Right now you’re talking to me! That’s called prayer! TRAVIS: But..I mean…I’m not in a circle and I don’t have my head down and… GOD: And who cares? You’re talking to me! TRAVIS: (a very long beat, then) Wow. GOD: (a beat, then) Wanna hear my Eddie Murphy? TRAVIS: (laughs, then) I get the point. GOD: Trav, I don’t care if you’re standing on your hands or running in circles or taking a test or just sitting there. Just…just talk. TRAVIS: You know..this is easier than I thought. GOD: Yea. For me too. I like talking. Wanna hear my Johnny Depp? TRAVIS: (smiles.., then) We’ll be talkin’. (he runs off)
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