← Scripts

(this is a script change.. a shortening.. inserted into Jack Boy)

JACK: It’s him! JENNY: I’m skeered, Jack Boy! SHADOWS: (cackle) “I’m skeered, Jack Boy!” MARLEYBONE: (slowly turning) Who’s that boy come ‘round my place With the shaky knees and the ghost-white face? Why lookee here at what we got! Little panty-waist kid not worth his snot! Could dat be Jack Boy standin’ there with his spindly legs and his curly hair? JACK: I… I… I be Jack Boy! Who…who… be you? SHADOWS: (cackle) MARLEYBONE: Why, don’t chu know, you silly ass, ‘bout Marleybone? I’m s’prised you asked! I ruled this land ‘fore you were born, I raised myself on the rotten corn! Back ‘fore your family stumbled here ‘twas me that ruled the mornin’ air! Marleybone! They called me Lord! ‘Fore your Grandpap talked ‘bout God! I ruled the land, I ruled this sea, I ruled ‘bout far as you can see! ‘Til your old Grandpap started preachin’, it ‘twas me that ruled with all my legions! JACK: What chu want with me, Marleybone? I ain’t done nothin’ to you! MARLEYBONE: (laughs) Not now you ain’t, but soon you’ll try, like all your kin to make me die! You’re last in line o’ those with gifts to hear the voice of God, I guess! XXXXXXXX JACK: But… but I ain’t got no truck with you! MARLEYBONE: Like all your kin, o’ course, you do! It’s in your blood, it’s in your bones, it’s deep in places you don’t know! Before too long you’ll get the need to leave your Ma and come get me. I’ve knowed you, Jack, back ‘fore you’s born. I’ve watched you grow like locust thorn! JACK: That be crazy! I’m the worst! The Preacher Man says I be cursed! MARLEYBONE: There’s lots o’ things that man can’t see… JACK: But all the folks …. MARLEYBONE: …Don’t disagree when Marleybone, he say it’s true! There’s nothin’ you can ever do to keep you from what’s in your heart. That’s why I’ll kill you ‘fore you start. (as the swamp noises come in under) YARN WOMAN: Just then the Harvest Moon went dark, The air was split with fire and sparks And that ole wicked Marleybone with eyes that made your blood run cold, He sucked up one big wicked breath and breathed a fire like scalded death! CALLICO: And Jack, he fell onto his knees, his hair was singed, his belly freezed! JACK: Oh Jenny gal, come hold me close! I think I’m dyin’! SHADOWS: (cackle as Marleybone laughs) JENNY: Get up, Jack Boy! JACK: I can’t!!! My legs can’t hear what my brain’s a yellin’! JENNY: You gotta get up! He ain’t done nothin’ but skeered you! JACK: That be plenty! I can’t move! PA: Get to your feet, Jack Boy! JACK: Papa! Help me, Papa!

Have a Seat Celeste Woman One Woman Three Woman Two Guest Celeste sits at a desk.

Woman One: (rushing in) Is this it? Celeste: (a beat, then) Have a seat, please. Woman One: Is this it? Celeste: Are you here? Woman One: What do you mean? Of course I’m here. Celeste: Then this is it. Woman One: Oh. (she sits) Celeste: (to WOMAN TWO, running in) Could I help you? WOMAN TWO: Is this… Celeste: Yes. WOMAN TWO: But is this…. Woman One: Don’t argue. WOMAN TWO: What? Woman One: This is it. WOMAN TWO: Oh. Celeste: Have a seat. WOMAN TWO: (sitting) Oh. (a long beat, then) Woman One: (standing) Do we….? Celeste: No. WOMAN TWO: (standing) Should I….? Celeste: Not yet. Have a seat. (they sit) WOMAN TWO: Okay. Woman One: I mean, this is all new, you know. Celeste: Don’t worry. It’s quite simple really. Woman Three: (running in) Excuse me, is this….? Woman One & WOMAN TWO: Have a seat. Woman Three: (sits) Sorry. Celeste: (finishes writing something, then) Now. Who was first? (the three look at each other) Woman One: (finally, standing) I guess that would be me. Celeste: Then you’ll be last. Have a seat. Woman One: Oh. (sits) Woman Three: Me then? I’m last. Celeste: First. Woman Three: Right. My name is… Celeste: We know your name. Woman Three: Oh. . . .I suppose you do. Celeste: That’s why you’re here. Woman Three: Of course. Celeste: We know your name. Woman Three: Of course. Celeste: (looking through her papers) Now.. when did you die? Woman Three: (shocked) Oh. Celeste: Excuse me? Woman Three: I’m sorry, I… well, that’s the first time I’ve heard it put that way. Celeste: You’ll get used to it. Woman Three: I suppose so. Celeste: So? Woman Three: Uh.. just now. Just a moment ago, actually. Celeste: You came here directly? Woman Three: I think I did. I mean, there was no stopover or anything. Celeste: (writing) Protestant. WOMAN TWO: (a beat, then to Woman Three) You came direct? No waiting? How’d you do that? Celeste: (glancing at WOMAN TWO then writing) Catholic. Woman One: I’m not sure how I got here. Celeste: (writing) Universalist. Woman One: In fact, I’m not even sure where I am. Celeste: (scratching out what she’s written and writing again) Agnostic. Woman Three: Do you want to know how I died? Celeste: No. Woman Three: Oh. Celeste: It’s not important. Woman Three: Oh. WOMAN TWO: (to Woman One) How did you die? Celeste: It’s not important. WOMAN TWO: Oh. Woman One: (unable to hold it in) I was in a plane crash. (the three do a slow take to her.. she is cowed) Celeste: Thank you for sharing. Now, about your future here. . . (the three eagerly stand) What are you doing? Woman Three: Nothing. You just mentioned our future. Celeste: I know. Have a seat. (they do… a beat as Celeste continues to write) WOMAN TWO: (to Woman One) Domestic or International? Woman One: A little Cessna. I should have known better. Celeste: (a long stare…) Woman One: Sorry. WOMAN TWO: Sorry. Woman One: (a beat, then) Storm. Celeste: Excuse me? Woman One: It was a storm. (a beat) Sorry. (then looks around her chair) Oh, I lost my carry-on! Celeste: We don’t take luggage. Please, just relax. Woman Three: I’m terrified. Celeste: That’s natural. Woman Three: Thank God. Celeste: Yes. (a short take, then a laugh from the three) (to WOMAN TWO) And now you. Woman Three: You’re finished with me? (standing) I mean, don’t I have to …I don’t know.. sign something…put down a deposit? Celeste: Please have a seat. Your bill is paid. (Woman Threesits) Woman Three: (rising again) But isn’t there some sort of test or… Celeste: I’m afraid you’ve heard too many barroom jokes. Now please… Woman Three: (as she sits) .. have a seat. Celeste: Thank you. WOMAN TWO: (stands) Look . . (notices that she’s standing and the Celeste is staring, she sits) I noticed as I came in… Celeste: Yes? WOMAN TWO: Well, there were some people I was expecting to see. (Celeste simply looks at her) I mean, they weren’t here. Celeste: Many are called and few are chosen. Woman One: Sort of like the Marines? Celeste: (a short stare, then) No. Woman One: Oh. WOMAN TWO: (standing) But some of them were much better people than me. Celeste: I know. WOMAN TWO: Then… Celeste: I think you may have us confused with Santa Claus. It may affect housing, but it’s not an entrance requirement. WOMAN TWO: Oh. (then sits) Woman Three: Housing? Celeste: Yes. Woman One: Uh.. excuse me, I was wondering about my family… Celeste: Singles only. WOMAN TWO: But my husband… Celeste: Has his own plan. .. or he doesn’t… Woman Three: I never thought about housing. Celeste: We don’t do group bookings. WOMAN TWO: Oh.. Woman Three: (standing) Look, I’m really confused. (notices she’s standing) Uh.. do you mind if I stand? Celeste: There’s really no need. (Woman Three sits) Look, let’s all just relax, shall we? On the count of three, just take a deep breath. One.. Two… Three… (they do) WOMAN TWO: Wow. That feels great. Woman One: Can I do it again? (Celeste nods, Woman One breathes deeply again) Celeste: This is a tough transition for some people. It takes some getting used to. (gathering her papers) Well, I think everything’s in order. Woman One: (stands) That’s it? (sees she’s standing, sits) Celeste: I told you, it’s not a difficult process. Woman One: I’m sorry, but this all seems.. I don’t know.. too easy. Celeste: A common complaint. Woman One: Oh, I’m not complaining. Celeste: (to WOMAN TWO) You made your reservation at the funeral of your grandmother, 1988. WOMAN TWO: You knew that? Celeste: (to Woman Three) And yours has been in since that campfire when you were twelve. Woman Three: Oh my God. Celeste: Bingo. (to Woman One) And yours is rather more recent. Somewhere between 3000 feet and the ground in the backseat of a Cessna 210 just west of St. Louis. Woman One: (an amazed beat, then) It worked. WOMAN TWO: That hardly seems fair. Celeste: That’s irrelevant. Now it’s time to go in and I have others coming any minute. Ready? Woman Three: This is so wonderful. Woman One: I can’t wait! Elizabeth: Then don’t! Stand up! Stand up! Guest: (running in, breathless) Is this…. All: Have a seat! (and the three ladies leave)

The Spot

A duet for two persons …The characters are labeled simply “ONE” and “TWO.” As the scene begins, ONE stands in one spot. He is waiting for something. Occasionally ONE will check his watch or fiddle with an item of clothing.

ENTER: TWO, hurriedly. Having slept late, he is anxious to get here on time, perhaps still tucking in a item of clothing. TWO rushes into the space then sees ONE standing there. Surprise turns to anxiety. ONE takes a vague notice of TWO then goes about his business. TWO becomes increasingly anxious for no apparent reason. Finally, he can stay silent no longer.

TWO: Excuse me? ONE: (simply looks at TWO then continues his waiting) TWO: I said...Excuse me. ONE:Are you talking to me? TWO: Yes..uh..I was wondering.... ONE: What? You were wondering what? TWO: I... well, I was just wondering .... ONE: Do I know you? TWO: No. I don’t think so. It’s just that ... ONE: Are you sick or something? TWO: Sick? No. Not sick. It’s just that... ONE: Yes? TWO: You’re .. uh.. you’re standing.... Listen, could you move over just a bit? ONE: Pardon me? TWO: Could you just move over...just a foot or two either direction? ONE: (begins to chuckle, then checks himself) Why? TWO: I.... I mean, it’s hard to explain. You’re...uh... you’re standing on my spot. ONE: I’m doing what? TWO: My spot. Mine. You. You’re .. uh.. you’re standing on it. ONE: I’m standing on your spot? TWO: Yes. Exactly. ONE: You sure you’re all right? TWO: Yes. I mean No. Not as long as... Look, I really need to stand on that spot. I was late this morning, you see, and ... well, I’ve always stood on that spot and now you’re standing on that spot and I ....well, I can’t stand there as long as you’re standing there. ONE: Are you crazy? TWO: (a beat) Is that a serious question? ONE: Very. Are you nuts or what? TWO: No. . . I mean, not yet. Look, I know it’s a strange request and I know I must seem out of my mind to you but you’ve got to help me with this. I wait here every morning. I think about things. I work things out, you know? And.. .well, once you become accustomed to living so much of your life in a certain spot, to suddenly come along and see somebody else standing there.. It’s ... well, it’s a shock. It.. it throws you off your stride, if you know what I mean. ONE: Did..uh.. did you have it marked or something? TWO: Marked? No! Of course not. That would be ridiculous. I mean, it’s not like I actually own the property or anything. Everybody knows it’s my spot. ONE: I didn’t. TWO: Are you new here? ONE: No. Just early. I usually come later but it seemed like such a beautiful morning.. I don’t know. I just thought I’d come here and wait. To this spot. TWO: Oh. Oh, that explains it. I mean, I’m late and you’re early and ..well, we’ve probably been sharing the same spot for years and didn’t even know it. ONE: No. TWO: Huh? ONE: No, I usually stand over there but this morning...who knows why we do these things... this morning I just decided to stand here. On this spot. TWO: My spot. ONE: I’m sorry, but it’s not your spot. Spots are free. They’re community property. There’re lots of spots around here. Take one. Look... there’s a good one. Go stand in that spot. TWO: Look, that’s my spot, Ok? It’s not like you can’t stand somewhere else. You obviously don’t care where you stand but I do. It’s important to me. ONE: This is getting more ridiculous by the minute. TWO: You don’t understand. I... I’ve lived so much of my life in that spot. I’ve thought about my future there...I’ve planned things, I’ve dreamed dreams there. My....my family often comes here with me. I just don’t feel comfortable anywhere else. ONE: Your family comes here with you? And you all stand on this spot? Isn’t that crowding things up a bit? TWO: Well, not all of us actually on this same spot. They all have their little spots around my spot. Sometimes the kids will run off to a different spot but they always come back here. It’s a family thing. You’re standing on a family thing. ONE: I am not. Spots are free for the taking. Stand somewhere else today. Tomorrow you’ll be earlier and I’ll be later and we won’t have to worry about it. TWO: If that spot isn’t special, why do you insist on standing there? ONE: Well, frankly it’s because you’re making such a thing of it. I didn’t care where I stood until you came in and insisted I get off your spot. Sometimes we just get tired of being pushed around. You can understand that, can’t you? TWO: Of course, I can understand that. But this is such a piddly little issue. I mean, after all, standing on a spot. It’s not like I’m ordering you off of it. ONE: You aren’t? TWO: No. Yes I am! I am! Get off my damned spot! ONE: I won’t! TWO: I’ll make you. ONE: You’ll what? TWO: I’ll make you. I’ll make you get off my spot. Here. Here’s another spot. Look, I’ll clean it off for you. I’ll make it better than the spot you’re on. I’m going out of my way to make you happy. Can you see that? ONE: I see you’re rubbing the ground. I see you’re making a fool of yourself. TWO: (breaking down into tears) Why are you doing this to me? Why do you want to hurt me like this? ONE: I don’t want to hurt you. Look, it’s almost time to go. Surely you can hold out that long. TWO: I can’t! I can’t hold out that long! ONE: I’m not a mean person. Really. I don’t mean to hurt you. But if I let you have this spot, then where will it end? What if I stand over there tomorrow and someone else comes along and tells me to move. Then again.. and again, and again. When do I stop and say That’s it. I won’t move again. TWO: No one’s going to come along and... ONE: You did. TWO: I’m different. ONE: You didn’t have to tell me that. TWO: I can’t take it any more! (and TWO rushes at ONE, violently pushing him off his spot... ONE goes crashing to the ground as TWO stands in his spot, panting, seeming to breathe in the air of his spot like an addict finally satisfied) Oh! Oh! That feels good! Yes! Oh, I can breathe now. I never knew how good my spot felt until I was off it. I suppose I should thank you. ONE: (still on the ground) You hurt me. TWO: I’m sorry. I really am. Believe me, I’m not a violent person. I’ve never done anything like that in my life. ONE: Was it worth hurting me to get your spot back? TWO: (still panting) Someday. Someday we’ll meet here again.. once I get my spot first.. and I can explain these things to you. You can’t believe how terribly sorry I am. Please don’t take this personally because it has nothing to do with you. It’s just between me and my ... .. my spot. ONE: (is silent, looks at the floor) TWO: (after a moment, calming enough to notice) What’s .. what the matter? ONE: (still silent, stands and looks off) TWO: Oh, don’t do that. Please don’t take it like that. It’s not your fault, it’s mine. I know I shouldn’t be attached to this spot like I am. It really has nothing to do with you. ONE: (nothing) TWO: Please say something. I feel awful now. I’ll do anything you want... (stops, looks down at his spot) ...almost. But I can’t give you the spot. Do you understand that I can’t do that? ONE: (quietly) Yes. TWO: Then please don’t... ONE: Oh, keep your spot. It’s not that important to me. Not that spot anyway. TWO: Then why were you... ONE: Be lucky you have one. TWO: You...? ONE: No. Never have. I lied to you. I knew that was your spot. I’ve watched you. I don’t think you ever noticed me, though. No one does when they’re in their spot. I’ve seen the way it made you happy. I’ve seen you dream your dreams there. TWO: I never noticed. ONE: Why should you? You were in your spot. You were content. TWO: Look, I really had no idea... ONE: No. I appreciate your sympathy but I really can’t take it. It embarrasses me. It’s bad enough to not have a spot, but in my life I’ve talked about it all I care to. (finally looks at TWO) Don’t worry about it. It’s really nothing new. I’ve dealt with it for a long time. It’s an old friend. TWO: You’ve never had a spot? ONE: End of conversation, ok? (a long silence.. .finally, ONE begins to walk off) TWO: Where are you going? ONE: (thinks, then a small chuckle) I don’t know. But I’ll get by. TWO: This is the worst day of my life. ONE: Please… no sudden bursts of compassion. I’m easily nauseated. TWO: I can’t stand to hurt people. ONE: Do you see what you’re doing? You’re still thinking of yourself. TWO: I... ONE: I’m really not being critical. It’s just something you ought to realize. And if it makes you a little more sensitive to the next guy standing on a spot somewhere... then hey, it’s been a good day. TWO: What about you? ONE: (shrugs) I’m tough. Ok? For you, it’s a first-time experience. For me... well, another day. Look, enjoy your spot, okay? (begins to leave) TWO: I can’t. ONE: Huh? TWO: I can’t. I can’t enjoy this spot now. ONE: Sure you can. Just take a deep breath and forget you ever met me. I’ll bet you’ve had a lot of practice. TWO: You’re saying I’m too callous to even remember you? You think this hasn’t affected me? ONE: I know you better than you think. In a couple days, this whole conversation will have slipped out of your mind. TWO: That’s sad. I mean, if you’re right, that’s really sad. ONE: Yea. (looks at TWO a moment) It is sad. Look, you’ll get by. You will survive, my friend. You will always survive, believe me. TWO: I feel empty. ONE: Yea, well... you are. For the moment. See ya round. (and he again begins to leave) TWO: Will I see you again? ONE: Every day. Every day of your life. TWO: But I’ve never seen you before. ONE: Then start looking. (and he exits, leaving TWO standing alone)

Saved Again Talk all you want about God, when you’re ten years old, Hell gets your attention a lot faster. Bible Camp, Wheaton, Illinois. I memorized 300 Bible verses one at a time. Mom would listen to me every night then sign her name on the back of the little yellow card. “20 verses satisfactorily completed.” 100 verses and you got your own Bible written in a foreign language.. the King James Version. That was just the teaser to get you started. 200 verses got you a lousy bookmark with all the books of the Bible printed in gold. You didn’t care about the bookmark. It was the 300-verse bonanza you were shooting for: one week at the Rural Bible Crusade Camp in Wheaton, Illinois. We’d always heard that when Christ came back to Earth, he’d stop in Wheaton first because Billy Graham had a college there. Christ still had relatives who lived in Wheaton. The deadline for summer camp was on top of me so I forged Mom’s name to the last 50 verses and sent in the card. Mom was busy teaching summer school and she figured that she'd lost count. I suppose that Bible camp admission isn’t a good place to be lying, but when your ten, God’s rules are sort of elastic. You figure if Mom isn’t watching, then God isn’t either. My folks abandoned me in the middle of hottest July in recent Illinois history and I was dumped into a hot cabin inhabited by an entire tribe of granddaddy longlegs. I mean, they owned the place. I had the bottom bunk underneath Lamar from inner city Chicago. I was the only white boy in the cabin. Lamar talked in his sleep. Lamar talked to his brother in the bunk next to him while he was sleeping and his brother talked back. This made me think maybe I wasn’t part of the crowd. Every night Uncle Ernie would scare the hell out of us. I mean that. Uncle Ernie was the camp director. He’s was nobody’s and everybody’s uncle. He talked about hell every night at the evening service and every night I went down to the altar, scared to hell of hell. I didn’t know much about God, but I could describe hell in detail. It was like goin’ to the State Fair with your aunt on the day the water fountains quit. The Baptists say that once you’re saved, you’re always saved, but I was Presbyterian and I got saved every night… six nights running… from hell. I still wonder which one really counted.. or if any of them counted. Heaven? I don’t know. You’ll have to talk to somebody else, but buddy, you want to know about hell… see me. I’ve been to camp.

Congregation Callico Yarn Woman Jack Boy Marleybone Preacher Man Grandpappy Pa The Shadows Spindleshank Larksbreath Sculbucket Eyesocket Wizina Ginger Miz McQuire Lum Lou Anne Molly Oscar Jenny Clem Manzy Alberta (22)

EMBED MSWordArt.2 \s (An Appalachian Mountain tale for Readers Theatre)

The sound of a lonesome guitar is heard softly as the cast sits with backs to audience. Then they begin to sing “Amazing Grace.”

CONGREGATION: Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound That saved a wretch like me. I once was lost but now I’m found ‘Twas blind, but now I see. (and they continue to hum)

CALLICO: (over the music) It weren’t but yesterday, but it seem like… YARN WOMAN: It seem like yesterday…. CALLICO: When that Jack Boy he fought that awfulest fight. YARN WOMAN: That awfulest fight in the Scoagie Swamps. CALLICO: Like no other fight you ever seen in the hills of old Appalache! YARN WOMAN: In them weird an’ mystifical hills! CALLICO: ‘Tweren’t nothin’ but a tale so some folks said! YARN WOMAN: Not so! ‘Twas the gospel! True I say! You listen to me! CALLICO: I be listenin’, Yarn Woman. I be listenin’ good… Now you tell it true! YARN WOMAN: Like I won’t! Huh! That Jack Boy, he be a handsome lad. JACK: I be that! YARN WOMAN: He be brave! JACK: I be that too! YARN WOMAN: But he be not too smart! JACK: Huh? I got me a brain! YARN WOMAN: Then how come you not use it, Jack Boy? How come you let Old Marleybone pert near tie yer butt up in circles? Huh? JACK: He… he tried to… I was just…. I wasn’t my… (sighs) Maybe I just settle for handsome and brave. YARN WOMAN: Yea, maybe you just do that, Jack Boy. It was dark and smoky that night when Jack Boy, he try to cross them Scoagie Swamps all by his lonesome self. (swamp noises) JACK: This is ain’t no good place. This ain’t no good place a’tall! There’s somethin’ here and I can feel it! My daddy, he told me to neva neva go in these old Scoagie Swamps. He tell me there be spirits here that even the Great God Almighty couldn’t whip! PREACHER MAN: That not be true! JACK: Preacher Man! PREACHER MAN: That be hog-wash and you know it, Jack Boy! There ain’t nothin’ that the Great God Almighty’s a-feared of and you know it! JACK: I guess I do. But sometimes when I get skeered, I guess I don’t. PREACHER MAN: Whether you do or whether you don’t, don’t make a tinker’s damn of dif’rence to the Great God Almighty, Boy! JACK: But Preacher Man, what if ole Marleybone, he get me? He get me like he got my pa and my grandpappy?! PREACHER MAN: They was weak, Jack Boy. They wasn’t strong like you. They didn’t have your gift! CALLICO: That Jack Boy, he had this gift. He could hear folks talkin’ even tho they was dead. YARN WOMAN: He had himself ears that’d reach right into a grave. JACK: And it skered me sometimes. CALLICO: And it skeered him sometimes. YARN WOMAN: Skeered himself so bad he went and made water! JACK: Did not! YARN WOMAN & CALLICO: Did too! JACK: Did too. YARN WOMAN: And that night…. CALLICO: That night he was mighty near as skeered as he ever had been before. JACK: I’m skeered! PREACHER MAN: Your granddaddy, he had that soft spot and Marleybone, he found it out! JACK: What that, Preacher Man? PREACHER: He liked his likker! The Great God Almighty, he don’ like that likker! ALL: Amen! PREACHER MAN: And your daddy… Ole Marleybone, he found his soft spot, too! JACK: What that, Preacher Man? PREACHER MAN: His pride! Ole Marleybone, he found out! The Great God Almighty, he don’ like a prideful preacher man! ALL: Amen! PREACHER MAN: Amen! And you best watch yer scrawny little butt, Jack Boy. Or Ole Marleybone, he gonna get you, too! ALL: Amen! JACK: Amen! YARN WOMAN: But it were all young Jack could think about just to find his nose in front of his legs that night. ‘Cause there was somethin’ wrong. CALLICO: Mighty, mighty wrong! YARN WOMAN: There was somethin’ powerful wrong in them swamps that night. And them voices … them voices runnin’ ‘round his brain! GRANDPAPPY: Jack Boy! JACK: Grandpappy! You be dead! GRANDPAPPY: You think I don’t know that? You listen to me, boy. That Marleybone, he want chu! He want chu somethin’ powerful bad! He want chu so bad he do anything to get chu! JACK: Tell me what I do, Grandpap! Please tell me what I do! PA: Jack Boy! JACK: Papa! PA: You do what your Grandpap tole you, boy! JACK: But he ain’t tole me …. GRANDPAPPY: Listen! PA: You listen good! GRANDPAPPY: That Marleybone, he gonna look for your soft spot, boy. Like he did mine! PA: And mine! I was proud, boy! Too proud! Marleybone, he find that out! And he suckered me out to that old Scoagie Swamp one night! JACK: Where you say, pappy? PA: Scoagie Swamp! You stay outta that…. JACK: Pappy! PA: What, boy!? GRANDPAPPY: What is it, boy!? JACK: Grandpappy! I gotta tell you that…. YARN WOMAN: But just then……!!!! SHADOWS: (the Shadows, a gaggle of phantom-type creatures turn with a ghostly shriek and cackling) JACK: No!!!!!! SHADOWS: (another explosion of cackles) JACK: You leave me be! SPINDLESHANK: (as their words overlap one another) Lookee here! LARKSBREATH: Jack Boy WIZINIA: Our little Jack Boy! SCULBUCKET: Is he skeered of us? EYESOCKET: Why you cryin’, Jack Boy? JACK: No! SPINDLESHANK: (overlapping) What chu mean, “No!”? LARKBREATH: What chu screamin’ for Jack Boy? WIZINIA: Don’t chu like the shadows, Jack Boy? SCULBUCKET: Look at that boy scream, sisters! EYESOCKET: Oh Jack Boy! Jack Boy! Jack Boy! SHADOWS: Jack Boy! (a short silence, then the evil cackle) JACK: I ain’t got no truck with you! You fly on back to where you come from! YARN WOMAN: But then Jack Boy, he heard him a new sound! CALLICO: Somethin’ worse than what he’d heard before! YARN WOMAN: A sound that made his blood run cold! MARLEYBONE: (begins as a low, evil, chuckle which continues to grow in intensity) JACK: What that? What that noise! I neva heard that noise but I know it! I know it down in my bones! SPINDLESHANK: Come touch me, boy! LARKSBREATH: Come here and let me touch you! WIZINIA: Just come a little closer, Jack Boy! SCULBUCKET: Close enough I can feel your arms! EYESOCKET: Jack Boy! Jack Boy! Jack Boy! MARLEYBONE: (chuckle continues to grow) PA: What that noise, boy? GRANDPAPPY: What that noise! JACK: Daddy! PA: Get outta there, Jack Boy! GRANDPAPPY: Get out now! JACK: Yessir! MARLEYBONE: (lets out with a roaring laugh) YARN WOMAN: And he was off! CALLICO: Like a snake on ice! YARN WOMAN: Fire lickin’ at his heels! CALLICO: Paddlin’ his muddy feet through that Scoagie Swamp! JACK: (a scream) Mama! YARN WOMAN: Runnin’ so fast that he passed hisself twice! JACK: Mama! CALLICO: Runnin’ like the devil hisself was on his tail! JACK: Mama! (sobs as he collapses) MAMA: Jack Boy! JACK: (sobbing) Hold me, Mama. Hold me tight, Mama. I’m so skeered. I’m so awful, awful skeered! MAMA: Calm down, boy! What for you cryin’, child? What’s skeered you so bad? Talk to me, Jack Boy. JACK: I don’ know, Mama. I don’ know what it was. PREACHER MAN: What’s the commotion, Miz Allen? MAMA: Don’t know what’s come over him, Preacher Man. Somethin’ powerful, though. PREACHER MAN: Comes from missin’ church! The Great God Almighty don’ like folks missin’ church! CONGREGATION: Amen! MAMA: Amen! But you know we got to work to do, Preacher Man. Got no man around here now ‘cept Jack Boy. PREACHER MAN: That excuse be mighty piddlin’! CONGREGATION: Amen! MAMA: The good book, it say you got an ox in a ditch on the Sabbath, you can fetch him out! PREACHER MAN: That ox gettin’ plumb habitual, you ask me! MAMA: I reckon that be between me and the ox. JACK: Mama, I gotta talk. PREACHER MAN: It be Marleybone, ain’t it? JACK: I ‘fraid it is. MAMA: You see ‘im? JACK: Not quite. PREACHER MAN: You touch ‘im? JACK: Not hardly. MAMA: You smell ‘im? JACK: Not likely. MAMA: You hear ‘im? JACK: (silent, afraid to speak) MAMA: You hear ‘im, boy? PREACHER MAN: You answer yer mama, boy! You hear that Marleybone? JACK: I reckon I did! Oh, mama! I was so skeered. So awful, awful skeered! PREACHER MAN: Then you been cursed boy! Anybody hears Ole Marleybone’s laugh is cursed! JACK: I ain’t! I ain’t cursed no such thing! MAMA: What chu sayin’, Preacher Man? PREACHER MAN: The boy is marked. Just like your husband and his daddy was. MAMA: No! PREACHER MAN: He not be dead yet, but he got the mark upon him. JACK: Mama!

CONGREGATION: In the sweet Bye and Bye, We shall meet on that beautiful shore! In the sweet bye and bye We shall meet on the beautiful shore! MAMA: What chu mean, Preacher Man!? PREACHER MAN: Sunday mornin’, Miz Allen! JACK: What he mean, Ma? PREACHER MAN: It be the Sabbath! The Lord calls us to Worship! JACK: Mama! CONGREGATION: (sung) Amen! CALLICO: Miz Allen, she brought her Jack Boy to the Sunday meetin’. YARN WOMAN: They’d not been for some time but the urge was upon ‘em on this Sunday mornin’. PREACHER MAN: Let us come into the house of the Lord! CONGREGATION: Amen! PREACHER MAN: There are those among us, Amen, who have been flirtin’ with the devil hisself! CONGREGATION: (gasps) PREACHER MAN: There are those among us, Amen, who have caused the evil eye to come upon ‘em! CONGREGATION: (more gasping) JACK: He mean me, Mama? MAMA: Sound like it to me, Jack Boy! PREACHER MAN: There be one among us, Amen, who has dangled a toe onto the fiery path of destruction! CONGREGATION: (gasps) (a short pause then the following confession come tumbling out in tearful unison) GINGER: It was me, Preacher Man! John Greenseed tricked me! I didn’t want to do it! I swear, the temptation got too strong! I’m a fallen woman! MIZ McQUIRE: It’s than demon likker, Preacher Man! I just can’t help myself when I smell that moonshine sittin’ on the kitchen table there’s somethin’ that just comes over me! LUM: I feel the evil eye, Preacher Man! Oh, Lord help me! I took that hog right outa Jake Henson’s barn and that little sucker was bacon before I could help myself!

GINGER, MIZ McQUIRE & LUM: Lord have mercy on my soul! PREACHER MAN: Uh… Amen. CONGREGATION: Uh… Amen. PREACHER MAN: Could there… uh… could there be another in this den of sinners, who has dabbled in the deadly depths of deprivation? (a silence… all eyes searching) PREACHER MAN: I said, “Could there be another who has recently escaped the Tempter’s Snare? Who has heard the voice of evil and has not confessed it? (shouting) The Lord is startin’ to get riled! (the congregation makes audible squirms) He is gettin’ mighty, mighty riled! The sinner is in our midst! LOU ANNE: Confess it! MOLLY: Yield not to temptation, sinner! OSCAR: The hour of repentance is at hand! CONGREGATION: (singing) Onward Christian Soldiers Marching as to War With the cross of Jesus Marching as before. (then they continue to hum) JACK: Mama! Whatta I do? MAMA: You ain’t sinned, boy. All you did was hear the sound! JACK: I know, Mama. But the Preacher Man, he be talkin’ straight to me. I gotta go, Mama. I gotta get outta this place! MAMA: Don’t run, Jack Boy. That just prove your guilt. Don’t run! JACK: I gotta! I can’t bear this any more, Mama! CALLICO: And off he took! YARN WOMAN: Faster than a strip-ed hound! Faster than a buck in rut! CALLICO: Jack Boy, he tore out through that church house door and lickety-split he was down the road, like spit in the wind! YARN WOMAN: Straight to the one soul who could give him comfort. (singing stops) JENNY: Jack Boy! JACK: Jenny. Jenny, I’m so scared. CALLICO: His sweetheart, Jenny, she be waitin’ for him. JACK: Jenny, I be confused. I thought I heard the voice of Ole Marlelybone in Scoagie Swamp and now the Preacher Man, he say I got the curse upon me. The same curse that killed my daddy and my grandpap! Jenny, you got to help me! JENNY: That be hogwash, Jack Boy! Ain’t no hearin’ nothin’ that curses a body! That be plumb silly! JACK: But the Preacher Man…..! JENNY: Be wrong, that’s all. The Preacher Man be wrong. It ain’t the hearin’ of a thing that curses you… It’s the believin’ it! It’s the doin’! CALLICO: But all over Culpepper County, there be strange things startin’ to happen. CLEM: It was my best bull! A bolt of lightnin’ run down that oak tree and Buford just exploded! MANZY: Six years straight that old hen laid two eggs a day! Now nothin’! ALBERTA: I swear to God! Old man Hopper just fell off that bridge! Drunker’n a hoot owl! Nearly killed his horse, too! And the horse was worth somethin’! LOU-ANN: There’s somethin’s got into these kids. My little Tubby ain’t et for two days! LUM: Damn. Ever sow I got is constipated! And there ain’t nothin’ meaner than a constipated sow! PREACHER MAN: There’s somethin’ wrong. There’s somethin’ powerful wrong around here. YARN WOMAN: Jack Boy, he got skeered again. ‘Cause all them eyes… them eyes started lookin’ right at him! MAMA: Where you goin’, Jack Boy? JACK: I gotta get away from here, Mama. Them folks are lookin’ at me like I had the evil eye! MAMA: That be silly. Just silly, Jack Boy. JACK: I gotta find out, Mama. MAMA: You ain’t goin’ to them Scoagie Swamps, Jack Boy! JACK: Got to, Mama. I kept myself clean, I swear I have. And the Lord God Almighty says even the devil hisself can’t touch me if’n I keep myself clean of temptation! MAMA: But Marleybone, he got ways, boy. He got ways to get at chu. JACK: I reckon there ain’t nothin’ for me here. If there be a curse on me, then I reckon I gotta get rid of it! MAMA: You can’t rid your self o’ no curse lest you kill Marlelybone! CALLICO: But Jack Boy, he was mad! JACK: I be mad! YARN WOMAN: Jack Boy, he be determined! JACK: I be determined! CALLICO: And Jack Boy, he be mighty, mighty skeered. JACK: Am not! CALLICO & YARN WOMAN: Am too! JACK: Am too. JENNY: I be goin’ with you, Jack Boy! JACK: Tawsh! You be just a girl! This be between me and Ole Marleybone. CALLICO: But there wasn’t no tellin’ Jenny no. YARN WOMAN: Jenny’s drunken pappy had drowned hisself in Mongrel Creek when she was just baby and her Mama was a half-wit. That girl’d been growed since she was walkin’ and there wasn’t no tellin’ her nothin’! (Swamp noises begin) JACK: I told ju to stay home, girl. JENNY: And I told ju I’s comin’. JACK: I guess it does make me feel some better. This is one scary swamp when yer by yerself. JENNY: This be one scary swamp when you got company. Just ‘cause I’s a girl, don’t think I don’t get skeered. MARLEYBONE: (begins his low chuckle) JACK: You hear that? JENNY: No. JACK: You don’t? JENNY: Yea. I’s lyin’. I just wisht I didn’t. What it be? MARLEYBONE: (again, the growling laugh) JACK: Ain’t nothin’ human! JENNY: Ain’t nothin’ o’ this earth! JACK: You wanna go home? JENNY: Do you? JACK: You say first. JENNY: I spect I do. JACK: Then that make two of us! YARN WOMAN: But the choice weren’t theirs. CALLICO: ‘Cause before they could run, spit or fly, them Shadows came on ‘em! (they cackle, then) SPINDLESHANK: (overlapping) There be our Jack Boy! LARKSBREATH: ‘Evenin’, Jack Boy! Who’s zat chu got with you? WIZINIA: It’s his perty girl! It be his perty little Jenny girl! SCULBUCKET: You miss me, Jack Boy? You miss me so bad you come back? EYESOCKET: Come’ere, Jack Boy! Jack Boy! Jack Boy! Jack Boy! JENNY: What that? (a short silence then they Phantom’s cackle again) SPINDLESHANK: (overlapping, mimicking her) “What That? What That? What That?” LARKSBREATH: “What That? What That? What That?” WIZINIA: “What That? What That? What That?” SCULBUCKET: “What That? What That? What That?” EYESOCKET: “What That? What That? What That?” (and they laugh again) JACK: Don’t chu touch her! Don’t chu even get close! SPINDLESHANK: Mighty big talk for a boy’s about to pee his britches! JACK: Am not! ALL SHADOWS: Am too! JACK: Am too. MARLEYBONE: (not turning, roaring with laughter) Who’s that noise I hear in my woods, With a scrawny little gal, thinks he’s so good? JACK: It’s him! JENNY: I’m skeered, Jack Boy! SHADOWS: (cackle) “I’m skeered, Jack Boy!” MARLEYBONE: (slowly turning) Who’s that boy come ‘round my place With the shaky knees and the ghost-white face? Why lookee here at what we got! Little panty-waist kid not worth his snot! Could dat be Jack Boy standin’ there with his spindly legs and his curly hair? JACK: I… I… I be Jack Boy! Who…who… be you? SHADOWS: (cackle) MARLEYBONE: Why, don’t chu know, you silly ass, ‘bout Marleybone? I’m s’prised you asked! I ruled this land ‘fore you were born, I raised myself on the rotten corn! Back ‘fore your family stumbled here ‘twas me that ruled the mornin’ air! Marleybone! They called me Lord! ‘Fore your Grandpap talked ‘bout God! I ruled the land, I ruled this sea, I ruled ‘bout far as you can see! ‘Til your old Grandpap started preachin’, it ‘twas me that ruled with all my legions! JACK: What chu want with me, Marleybone? I ain’t done nothin’ to you! MARLEYBONE: (laughs) Not now you ain’t, but soon you’ll try, like all your kin to make me die! You’re last in line o’ those with gifts to hear the voice of God, I guess! I got your Grandad with the likker, just one drop, his fire just flickered. One little drop of demon rum, and Old Grandpap, he done be done! Your daddy, he was tougher stock, of likker, he’d not touch a drop, But when I found about his his pride, ‘twas on that day your daddy died! JACK: But… but I ain’t got no truck with you! MARLEYBONE: Like all your kin, o’ course, you do! It’s in your blood, it’s in your bones, it’s deep in places you don’t know! Before too long you’ll get the need to leave your Ma and come get me. I’ve knowed you, Jack, back ‘fore you’s born. I’ve watched you grow like locust thorn! JACK: That be crazy! I’m the worst! The Preacher Man says I be cursed! MARLEYBONE: There’s lots o’ things that man can’t see… JACK: But all the folks …. MARLEYBONE: …Don’t disagree when Marleybone, he say it’s true! There’s nothin’ you can ever do to keep you from what’s in your heart. That’s why I’ll kill you ‘fore you start. (as the swamp noises come in under) YARN WOMAN: Just then the Harvest Moon went dark, The air was split with fire and sparks And that ole wicked Marleybone with eyes that made your blood run cold, He sucked up one big wicked breath and breathed a fire like scalded death! CALLICO: And Jack, he fell onto his knees, his hair was singed, his belly freezed! JACK: Oh Jenny gal, come hold me close! I think I’m dyin’! SHADOWS: (cackle as Marleybone laughs) JENNY: Get up, Jack Boy! JACK: I can’t!!! My legs can’t hear what my brain’s a yellin’! JENNY: You gotta get up! He ain’t done nothin’ but skeered you! JACK: That be plenty! I can’t move! PA: Get to your feet, Jack Boy! JACK: Papa! Help me, Papa! PA: That mighty hard, bein’ dead and all. Get yerself up! GRANDPAPPPY: Up boy! Now! Before old Mandeybone get chu too! JACK: (crying out) I can’t, Grandpappy! I can’t! I can’t! CALLICO: Then Jenny girl, she reached down and grabbed a hank o’ Jack Boy’s curly hair! YARN WOMAN: She pulled like his very life depended on it! CALLICO: ‘Cause it did! JACK: ‘Cause it did! CALLICO: And Jack flew into the air like a goosed chicken and he was off! PA: Run, Jack Boy! GRANDPAPPY: Run, Jack Boy! YARN WOMAN: Run! Run! Run! SPINDLESHANK: (overlapping) Where you goin’, Jack Boy? LARKSBREATH: Come back to me, Jack Boy! WIZINIA: We gonna miss you, Jack Boy! SCULBUCKET: Gonna be sorry you left us! EYESOCKET: Jack Boy! Jack Boy! Jack Boy! CALLICO: (a long, silent beat, then) It was near three miles ‘fore Jack dared even open his eyes, and when he did… YARN WOMAN: When he did, he found his self face down …… JACK: Aw, shoot. YARN WOMAN: .. in the God-awfulest stinkin’ hog lot in Culpepper County. GROUP: (hog sounds) JACK: (slowly raising his head up out of the muck and spitting) Bleahyeack! MAMA: Welcome home, son. LUM: Who in hell’s skeerin’ my hogs? JACK: Sorry, Mr. Phillard. JENNY: There you are! Pooo-Weee but don’t chu stink now! LUM: Damn. Even the hogs are gettin’ sick! JENNY: Derned if’n I’ll go to the dance with anybody smells like that! JACK: . Guess I am a tad rank. LUM: Smell like hog bowels, boy. Get cher self up outa my hog lot. JACK: Jenny, I can’t go to the dance! JENNY: ‘Course you can! You can’t let them folks think you’s afraid! JACK: But I am afraid! JENNY: You wanna be a curse? JACK: No! JENNY: Then get yer scrawny butt up outa that hog poop and prove it! (clapping begins) YARN WOMAN: It was Saturday night and all over the county, folks was comin’ down to Kurfman’s store for the hoe down! CALLERS: (as the clapping comes up under) Chicken in the bread pan, pickin’ out dough! One more girl and on you go! Don’t be fast and don’t be slow! Chicken in the bread pan, pickin’ out dough! (eight beats of add-lib shouting, then) Fare thee well, my blue-eyed gal! Fare thee well, my lady! Fare thee well, my blue-eyed gal! You almost drive me crazy! Chicken in the bread pan, pickin’ out dough! One more girl and on you go! Don’t be fast and don’t be slow! Chicken in the bread pan, pickin’ out dough! (as Jack and Jenny turn to “enter” the area, the clapping stops, person by person, as they notice the two youngsters in their midst) GINGER: What’s he doin’ here? LOU-ANNE: Figures he’d bring her with ‘im. OSCAR: I reckon my chickens’ll be dead by mornin’. The jinx just walked in the door. JENNY: We come to dance! OSCAR: With who? Yerselves? (they laugh) JACK: I reckon I got as much right as…. MIZ McQUIRE: You ain’t got no right to nothin’, you little Jonah! Bringin’ such misery on this county all account of yer temptin’ Ole Marleybone! Get away from him, Jenny! JENNY: Ain’t doin’ no such thing! MIZ McQUIRE: You get away from that boy or you’ll find a new bed tonight! JENNY: Then that be just find with me, Mama! (they gasp) JACK: (tearing up) Let’s go, Jenny. JENNY: Yer all a bunch of Pharisees is what you are! A stinkin’ bunch o’ hypocrites! JACK: Jenny, don’t! JENNY: There’s always hogs that die and chickens that don’t lay! You just be lookin’ for scapegoat fer yer own bad luck! (they gasp) GINGER: (as the lines overlap) Traitor! Yer a traitor, boy! LUM: Jonah! He’s nothin’ but a stinkin’ Jonah! MIZ McQUIRE: He’s put the curse on her, too! Look at her! Look at her! MOLLY: Git outa here! Git! Git! Git! LOU-ANNE: He’s a jinx! Throw ‘im out! Jinx! Jinx! Jinx! CALLICO: And Jack Boy took outa that dance like a striped-tailed coon! With Jenny right behind him! YARN WOMAN: ….down the back roads to Jack’s house just as fast as… JENNY: Jack! JACK: (out of breath) What? JENNY: Look ahead through the brush! Yer cabin! There’s folks there, Jack . .. and listen to ‘em. JACK: They be lookin’ for me. They be wantin’ to put an end to the curse. JENNY: Don’t chu be sayin’ that! JACK: But it be true, Jenny! Just look what’s happened! Everbody’s got slammed with bad luck and it’s all because o’ me! JENNY: I ain’t gonna abide this! You hush that talk! You got a soft spot? JACK: Huh? JENNY: Marleybone, he can’t get chu lessen you got yourself a soft spot! It’s time you tole me what it was! JACK: I be pure, Jenny! Leastwise, pure as God can make me! There ain’t no soft spot in me that I can tell! JENNY: Then what chu be skeered of? JACK: (scared) Nothin’, I reckon. JENNY: Then talk like it! Then act like it! PA: Be brave, boy! JACK: I’m tryin’, pappy, but it be hard. It be God-awful hard! GRANDPAPPY: You be God-awful stupid if you let ‘im git you! JACK: Hey! That be plumb insultin’! GRANDPAPPY: Then git yerself dead like me and you can say what you please! JACK: I can’t help it, Grandpap! Marleybone, he know somethin’ I don’t. GRANDPAPPY: That Marleybone, he be a liar, boy! He be the king o’ liars! He make you think things is that ain’t. You hear me? You listen to you and nobody else! OSCAR: There he be! LUM: There’s Jack Boy! JENNY: They’re comin’, Jack Boy! MA: Run, Jack! JACK: Ma! MA: I can’t stop ‘em! They seen you! Run, Jack Boy! Run! CALLICO: And run he did! JACK: (shouting over the group’s chanting) I’m runnin’! JENNY: Hurry up, Jack Boy! Hurry! YARN WOMAN: Nothin’ could catch Jack Boy that night! JENNY: Hurry, Jack Boy! CALLICO: Passed ever hound in the county! JACK: Jenny! YARN WOMAN: Like a sow in heat! That boy could run! JENNY: They’re still comin’, Jack! JACK: Jenny! CALLICO: But Jack was gettin’ tired! That boy’d run near all day long! YARN WOMAN: And jist when they was closin’ in! CALLICO: Jist when they was closin’ in! GROUP: (with a whole new meaning) Chicken in the bread pan, pickin’ out dough! One more girl and on you go! Don’t be fast and don’t be slow! Chicken in the bread pan, pickin’ out dough!

Fare thee well, my blue-eyed gal! Fare thee well, my lady! Fare thee well, my blue-eyed gal! You almost drive me crazy! Chicken in the bread pan, pickin’ out dough! One more girl and on you go! Don’t be fast and don’t be slow! Chicken in the bread pan, pickin’ out dough! JENNY: Jack! JACK: (breathless) What? JENNY: Listen! You hear that? JACK: I can’t hear nothin’……. my heart be goin’ too fast! JENNY: Listen! They stopped! JACK: What for? JENNY: Don’t know. Somethin’ stopped ‘em. JACK: That be mighty strange. There only be one place ‘round here that folks won’t go and that’s… GROUP: (swamp noises begin) JACK: Oh, shoot! YARN WOMAN: They was in the old Scoagie Swamp. JACK: Wish to heck I’d look where I was goin’! GROUP: (the swamp noises get louder) JENNY: What we gonna do, Jack? JACK: I got the devil up ahead and my neighbors on my butt. Reckon I might well just sit down here and die. YARN WOMAN: That be stupid! JACK: Is not! CALLICO: That be plumb idiotic! JACK: Is not! JENNY: You be a fool, Jack. JACK: Reckon you got me there. YARN WOMAN: So on they slogged through the Scoagie Swamp, gettin’ deeper and deeper with each step. CALLICO: When somethin’ hit ‘em like a dark and lonely mist. JENNY: What is it, Jack? JACK: What chu mean? JENNY: Don’t chu lie to me, Jack Boy! You can feel it as well as me! There be somethin’ in that mist. I ain’t neva felt this before, Jack Boy! Hold me, Jack Boy! SPINDLESHANK: (overlapping) Hold me, Jack Boy! LARKSBREATH: Hold me, Jack Boy! WIZINIA: Hold me, Jack Boy! SCULBUCKET: Hold me, Jack Boy! EYESOCKET: Jack Boy! Jack Boy! Jack Boy! JENNY: (terrifed) Jack! JACK: You get away! MARLEYBONE: (an explosion of laughter) Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! JACK: Sweet Jesus! MA: Dear God! Listen to that! What is it, Preacher Man? PREACHER MAN: Don’t ask, Miz Allen. It ain’t nothin’ natural. MA: We gotta help ‘im! We gotta help my Jack Boy! PREACHER MAN: Man be crazy to go in there. ‘Sides… my guess is yer son’s gettin’ what’s his due! MA: How can you say that? And you call yerself a man o’ God! PREACHER MAN: Mind yer tongue, woman! MA: I will not! I’ll not stand here and ‘low my son to be sacrificed to that demon! PREACHER MAN: Can’t see as you got much choice in the matter. MA: I can pray for ‘im! We can all pray for ‘im! LUM: Fat chance! MA: You listen to me, you puffed-up bag o’ scripture-spoutin’ chicken snot! CONGREGATION: (gasps) PREACHER MAN: Now see here…….!!!! MARLEYBONE: (laughs and the congregation quakes) MA: You know dern well that ole Marleybone only goes after the strong! He only goes after them that can do him harm! Jack Boy’s grandpap preached the word ‘o God and Marleybone came after ‘im! Jack Boy’s daddy was the boldest man o’ God in these hills and Marleybone got him too! You deny it? You deny it??!!! PREACHER MAN: I…well, I don’t reckon I do. MA: So how come he ain’t come after you, Preacher Man? How come he ain’t come after any o’ you? (screaming it) Somebody talk to me!!!!!!!! MARLEYBONE: (laughs) PREACHER MAN: I think we should pray. GINGER: But …. PREACHER MAN: I mean now! YARN WOMAN: And right there, on the stroke o’ midnight on the edge o’ Skoagie Swamp, they knelt themselves down in the mud and they commenced amen-in’ to hell wouldn’t have it! SPINDLESHANK: Listen to ‘em, Jack Boy! Listen to them puny humans prayin’! LARKSBREATH: Think that gonna save you, boy? WIZINIA: Ain’t nothin’ can save you, boy! Even God hisself done turned tail! SCULBUCKET: God hisself done turned his back on you! EYESOCKET: You got the soft spot boy! And Marleybone, he know it! JACK: What? You tell me what it is! SPINDLESHANK: You know what it is. You already know. JENNY: What they talkin’ about, Jack Boy? You got somethin’, you gotta confess it, now! (sees something) Jack!!!! JACK: What’s happenin’ to me, Jenny? CALLICO: And that Jack Boy, he commenced to goin’ stiff. JACK: I can’t move! Jenny, I can’t move! MARLEYBONE: (laughing as he turns and the Shadows laugh with him) Well look who now with shaky tongue has now into my kingdom come! JENNY: Jack! MARLEYBONE: Your grandpap, he nigh nearly knew about the truth but how ‘bout you? JACK: Jenny! MARLEYBONE: Your daddy, son, was plumb man-grown but t’weren’t no match for Marleybone! I know your soft spot, know it well, know it like the map of hell And there ain’t nothin’ you can do to stop me, and you know it too! PA: He’s a liar, boy! JACK: Daddy! GRANDPAPPY: He’s a liar! MARLEYBONE: Your friends all know you got the curse, that you’re a Jonah, and what’s worse, You know it, too, you know it well! You’ll know it all the way to…. PA: Liar! JENNY: Don’t listen to ‘im Jack! JACK: But it’s true, Jenny! I brought nothin’ but trouble to nobody… and to you, too! PREACHER MAN: Lord, we beseech thee this terrible evenin’! CONGREGATION: We beseech thee! JACK: I gotta find it, Jenny. I gotta find that soft spot or I’m dead! MARLEYBONE: (laughs) You’ll never find it, never know, never ever ‘til you go The way your pap and grandpap tried. And now it’s time Jack Boy it’s time you died! CALLICO: A hot sulfur wind blew outa the swamp and choked Jack Boy ‘til he dropped! JACK: Jenny! GRANDPAPPY: Don’t believe him, son! PREACHER MAN: Lord, we beseech thee! CONGREGATION: Lord, we beseech thee! SHADOWS: (fill the air with their derisive laughter) JACK: (struggling for each breath) I can’t… Jenny, hold me. I can’t… PREACHER MAN: Lord, we beseech thee! CONGREGATION: Lord, we beseech thee! MARLEYBONE: (shouting) Spirits of the darkened world where pain first cried and trouble stirred! Come hither now and bid my will and all your prophecies fulfill! SHADOWS: (laugh) PREACHER MAN: As we bow before thee! CONGREGATION: As we bow before thee! MA: (crying) Don’t kill my Jack Boy! JACK: Mama! MA: Let ‘im go! Please let ‘im go! JENNY: You gotta find it, Jack! You gotta find that spot now! MARLEYBONE: (roars with laughter) JACK: I….I…….. PREACHER MAN: We call upon the name of the Lord! CONGREGATION: Upon the name of the Lord! PREACHER MAN: The name of the most high God! CONGREGATION: The most high God! JACK: (breathing hard) What… what’s He tryin’ to tell me? I gotta …I gotta know what He’s…. MARLEYBONE: Now! Die! Die! Die! SHADOWS: (taking up the chant) Die! Die! Die! JENNY: (screaming) Jack Boy! PREACHER MAN & CONGREGATION: (begin singing) Amazing Grace, How sweet the sound, That saved a wretch like me! MARLEYBONE: (laughs) MA: Jack Boy! PREACHER MAN & CONGREGATION: I once was lost, but now I’m found, ‘Twas blind, but now I see! (The Shadows begin to cackle during the following) JACK: It ain’t….. it ain’t…… MARLEYBONE: Shut up, boy! It is! It is! JACK: It ain’t me! You lied to me, Marleybone! I know it now! I can feel it! JENNY: What chu talkin’, Jack? JACK: It not be me at all! I been listenin’ to man! I been listenin’ to man! MARLEYBONE: (screaming now) Shut up! You shut up or I’ll kill you right now! JACK: I been listenin’ to man, and not God! MARLEYBONE: You hear me, Jack Boy! JACK: You hear me, you liar! You ole liar! You fooled my pap and grandpap but I got you, you ole….. you ole Nothin’! I find my soft spot! It be me! It be me too busy listenin’ to what folks think stead o’ what the Lord God Almighty says! MARLEYBONE: Jack Boy…..!!!! JACK: You almost did it! You almost fooled me into thinkin’ I was weak! That it was me had to beat you ‘stead o’ the Lord God Almighty! MARLEYBONE: No! No! (begins to choke, groaning which rises with the Shadows into a shriek, reaching a climax, then a deathly silence) JACK: (all is silent as Jack, too, fights for his breath, then, sobbing) Oh….Oh, Mama!

PREACHER MAN & CONGREGATION: Through many dangers, toils and snares, I have already come! ‘Twas grace that lead me here thus far And grace, ‘twill lead me home!

‘Twas grace, that taught my heart to fear, And grace by fears relieved; How precious did that grace appear The hour I first believed!

When we’ve been there, ten thousand years Bright shining as the sun, We’ve no less days, to sing God’s grace Than when we first begun! YARN WOMAN: (after another short silence) There be such things. I know there be. CALLICO: There be such things. We know that now. CONGREGATION: (softly hums “Amazing Grace” under) YARN WOMAN: Things that lay beyond the swamps and shallows. CALLICO: There be such things. We know that now. YARN WOMAN: There be battles we don’t know, takes place flyin’ o’er our heads, Things that we folks down below never see or hear or dread. Jack Boy, he know, he know darned well about what saved his soul from hell. But Jack Boy, he don’t often tell, still he know.. he know darned well. CONGREGATION: (singing) We’ve no less days to sing God’s grace… Than when we first begun…………

Camp Sunshine By Ken Bradbury

GLORIA: (an overly-sweet, gushy-to-the-point-of-obnoxious camp activities director) GooooooD-Morning, campers! And Welcome to Camp Sunshine! I’m Gloria .. that’s G-L-O-R-I-A! And I’m your camp social director! Say! Are we ready for a fun-filled week or what? You know, Camp Sunshine is just the biggest and best bible camp in Arkansas and you know why? It’s because God created it! That’s right! One day God was walking down Interstate 129 just outside of Little Rock and He said, “Wow! What a great place for a camp!” Yes He did! It’s in the bible somewhere. No, don’t look for it, Lucille… It’s in the new Precious Moments edition.

LUCILLE: (writing) Dear Mommy and Daddy, from your lonely and abandoned daughter Lucille. This is my first day at camp. I hate it. The social director reminds me of Aunt Midge.. the one who jiggles when she sings. My bunkmate is a girl named Margo who spends all our small group prayer time staring at boys’ butts. We’re supposed to meet the Sports Director this afternoon. His name is Uncle Ernie. I hope he’s nice.

UNCLE ERNIE: (a heavily muscled reject from all-star wrestling, obviously the victim of testosterone poisoning) Let me make one thing clear! God hates wimps! God wants you girls and boys to me men! When you go on that 25-mile nature run through the swamp this afternoon I want you to run like the Devil hisself was on your butt! My name’s Uncle Ernie and I’m in charge of showing you God’s love through athletics!

LUCILLE: Dear Mommy and Daddy. Uncle Ernie is a creep. Today he ran into an oak tree head-first to show us how God’s love can protect us. I guess God was lookin’ the other way ‘cause Uncle Ernie nearly bashed his brains in.

GLORIA: Good morning, campers! It’s Gloria again! That’s G-L-O-R-I-A! Hey, how’re my little campers on their second day at Camp Sunshine!? Hunky-dorey? That’s the Camp Sunshine Spirit! Well, you’ll never guess what we have planned for you today! First! The Isaiah group will be in the craft hall with Aunt Ruth, our leather woman, who will be showing you how to make the perfect gift for grandma.. The Soddom and Gomorrah leather bookmarker! The Jeremiah group will be going out on our world-famous Great Birds of the Bible bird hunt! Be sure you have your gun permits with you. Since Uncle Ernie is recovering from brain surgery without anesthetic, the Joshua group will be memorizing the book of First Kings to the accompaniment of Sandi Patty tapes!

LUCILLE: Dear Mommy and Daddy.. I hate Sandi Patti. I’ve got a bunk to myself now. They caught Margo making out with Skip Henderson during evening vespers and flag raising. They’re making her wash dishes with a nun for punishment.

SKIP: Dear Spike. This is Skip. They say I gotta write a lousy letter every day and I hate to write so I thought I’d write one to you since you can barely read. Ha ha. I meet this really hot chick named Margo. They caught us makin’ out last night but it was worth it. I don’t think Margo is a Baptist. From what I’ve heard the old man say, I’d say she was a Democrat.

UNCLE ERNIE: (limping a bit) Okay, you guys. Satan got me with that oak tree but I’m back again. You can’t keep a man of God down for long. I want to talk to you today about … well, about pain. About how if you don’t know pain, then you just don’t know God. God made pain. If you ain’t just about half miserable, then you can’t truly know God! Today we’re gonna play a little game.. It’s called the Pain Game. It’s a test to see who truly knows the love of God and who’s a by-God pinko, communist atheist.. What I have here is a lit candle….

LUCILLE: Dear Mommy and Daddy. This is Lucille. Do you hate me?

MARGO: Dear Skip. This is ..(a lusty breath)..Margo. I’ll meet you tonight out on Retribution Point.

MARGO: Dear Skip. This is Margo. I’ll meet you tonight out on Retribution Point.

SKIP: Dear Margo. This is Skip. How will I find you in the dark?

MARGO: Dear Idiot. Feel your way around.

SKIP: Dear Smart aleck. That’s how I got in trouble at the flag raising.

UNCLE ERNIE: (very crippled-up now, hobbling) Okay you campers! Uncle Ernie is back! Yes-sir-ee Bob! Old Satan, he tried to get his hooks in me but it’ll take more than an oak tree and a fire to get Uncle Ernie! Tonight I want to talk to you about suffering. Oh, I know it’s summer camp and the robins are singin’ and your little hormones are runnin’ like a jackrabbit in a brush fire, but tonight I’m gonna give a Bible study on self-control … mind over matter. Let me tell you about my stint in the Marine Corps.

LUCILLE: Dear Mom and Daddy. This is Lucille. It’s been a dull day. Margo and Skip were ex-communicated from the Baptist church last night. We met for the ceremony out on the Love, Hope & Charity Memorial Softball Field. Margo was stripped of her all her Sunday School perfect attendance pins and Uncle Ernie baptized Skip in a really cold shower. G-L-O-R-I-A Gloria, the Social Director, now has us listening to a tape of The Story of David and Bath-Sheba as read by Charlton Heston.

GLORIA: Hey campers! (as she begins to melt into tears) Here we are on the final day of Camp Sunshine! I’m sure gonna miss you little guys and I don’t know if I can wait a whole year to see you back again. As you take your final Camp Sunshine bible quiz, I want you to think of me.. Gloria.. G-L-O-R-I-A, and what an inspiration I have been to you all.

LUCILLE: Dear Mom and Daddy, I think I flunked my Happy Camper Test. I asked G-L-O-R-I-A Gloria what “begat” meant since it seems like that’s all the bible heroes ever did. She made me do dishes with Sister Phillip in the mess hall. I asked her if Catholics begat. She said yes, but they are forgiven. I asked her if Baptists begat. She said no, they just share.

UNCLE ERNIE: (limping even worse now) People, I want to apologize to those of you in Jeremiah cabin for what happened last night. I have eaten broken glass on several occasions in the service of the Lord but that was the first time I ever got hiccups. I just got word that little Marjorie Swenson has had most of the fragments removed from her right eye. I hope to see you all back again next year when the theme will be, “If Job hadn’t suffered, he’d never of made the NFL!”

LUCILLE: Dear Margo, I am sending this letter home with your parole officer. He says that he’ll be seeing you every week. I was really sorry about what happened to you and Skip. Gloria says that you both must have had some Methodist in your blood to pull such a trick. It’s too bad you had to leave early. The next camp was coming in as we left. It was the Australians for God Power-Lifting Camp. You would really have liked their spandex. I can see mom and daddy’s car coming up Damnation Boulevard now so I’ve got to go. As a farewell demonstration of God’s power, Uncle Ernie tried to jump off the Rec Hall roof blindfolded. I hope God is forgiving, because Uncle Ernie forgot about Sister Phillip’s barbecue grill. Love you! Lucille.

Cross in My Pocket

(reading from a small metallic cross) “I carry this cross in my pocket. It reminds to take time and pray. And ask that my sins be forgiven, and ask for His mercy each day.” You wanna talk about sins, let’s talk. About yours, I mean. (an uncomfortably long beat as he stares at the audience) Oh… you don’t want to do that? You’d rather talk about mine? I picked this thing up in the giveaway bin at Dollar General. It was free. It should be, at least from what they used to teach me. Free. But when you finally tell your parents your gay, this little sucker gets real expensive. It costs a lot. When I was 12 years old our family sat right behind Robert Havens who beat his kids. He had seven of them, owned a hog farm, and beat the crap out of his kids and his wife on a regular basis. Pete was in my class and he’d miss school every Monday. It took that long to heal. Nobody ever turned Robert Havens in. It was none of our business and besides, the kids grew up alive. .. pretty much. Pete says he’ll never have kids. On the other side of the church was a lady who switched sleeping partners like other people change socks, and the head deacon was an appliance salesman who had moved his office just twenty feet out of the city limits to keep from paying sales tax. And those are just the stories I know about. I was stupid. I thought all sin was the same. I mean, to be queer.. really queer.. not old enough to be gay yet, just a queer 7th-grader… that was just like Robert Havens without the blood and bruises, right? “Mom, I think I’m queer.” “Don’t be silly.” “Mom, I think I’m queer.” “No you’re not. Don’t even talk that way.” That was the extent of my parental counseling. “Don’t be silly.”

“And Jesus went to eat with the Publicans and sinners.” It took me years to realize that the Bible never mentions whether anybody else showed up. I’ve been “eating” alone for a long time. I don’t know what it means to be gay. I am one, but I don’t know what it means. I know that it’s the church’s unforgivable sin. I know that it’s the dirtiest label you can carry.. worse than racist.. worse than bigot.. worse than … everything. Pissed? Yep. So what’re you mad at? Me? God for allowing it? God for forgiving it? Do you even know how you feel? I do. Pissed. Robert Havens lives in Arizona. Retired. Good farmer. The adultress has four grandchildren, and the tax evader has a BMW and the town’s only indoor swimming pool. I’ve got a church that is terribly embarrassed about what I’ve become. I’ve got old friends who no longer ask Mom about her son. I’ve got a big black hole inside my gut that’s got room for me and God but nobody else wants to come in. I’ve got a cross in my pocket. (he looks at the cross and throws it to the floor…a beat, he looks at it, then picks it up and puts it back in his pocket)

A Sermon Diary by Freida Marie Crump

The clock strikes, the bell tolls, the service begins... and the mind... the mind begins to wander...

Ten o’clock. There are seventy-two pieces of stained glass in Jesus Christ’s belly. I know. I counted ‘em. I counted ‘em for three Sundays in a row. Mama sings in the choir and can see every move I make so I gotta count ‘em out of the corner of my eye. Seventy-two. And in case you’re interested, there are exactly 59 huge pipes in the organ and 117 smaller pipes that you can see from the third pew from the back, left hand side, three seats in. I have to count the little ones while the choir’s singing. 117 takes more concentration. It’s 10:008. All the church business is taken care of. The preacher has just started to read the scripture and suddenly it hits me: this insane, illogical desire to stand up and shout, “Hey! Anybody wanna play volleyball?” I mean, I’ve never actually done this.. it’s just an urge.. like wanting to jump of the top of the house just to see what it feels like, or seeing how many Oreos you can stuff into your mouth at one time. Then I look around and think, “Heck, I’ll bet there’s not a volleyball player in the whole front row.” Twelve minutes after ten. Mama looks at me. She can see the evil thoughts actually seething inside my head. Twice she’s caught me with my copy of Sixteen magazine sticking out of the hymnbook. Stupid, small hymnbook. It could barely hold a Readers Digest. 10:20. The sermon starts. The seige begins. Mr. Dalton’s head begins to bob. Bob, bob, bob, Jerk! There he goes again...bob...snort...bob.. the snore begins... And a quick, sharp elbow from Mrs. Dalton comes flying out of left field, whizzes past the second baseman, bounces off the shortstop’s glove and Whamo! She lays him a shot in the ribs which causes the old man’s eyes to blast open, his dentures explode out onto the hardwood floor and his bible erupts out of his hands like a geyser, flying over ten feet in the air and then making splash-down right on the back of Mrs. Wilson’ head! She turns on him, eyes aglow. She raises her King James version high above her head and brings it down with a sickening thud on the top of Mr. Dalton’s bald spot, causing him to fall unconscious into Mrs. Dalton’s lap. Mrs. Dalton, mistakenly taking this move for the first sign of romance since their last child was born, swoons in a fit of romantic surprise. She slumps unconscious into the lap of Retired Colonel James P. Montgomery, a life-long bachelor, who, unnerved by the sight of a seventy-four year old woman making a pass at his wooden leg, involuntarily comes to attention, looses his balance and falls head-long onto poor Mrs. Wilson who has just now resumed her seat after singing the fifteenth verse of “I’ll Fly Away.” I wish some of this would actually happen sometime. It would make the sermon go so much quicker. When I was just four, Mama said I stood up in the pew and shouted, “Fire! Fire! Hell’s on Fire!” The next week the board of elders voted to install a nursery and I was its first prisoner. 10:25. The preacher is stuck somewhere in the middle of the Red Sea. There are exactly eighteen white tasseled balls hanging from the pulpit cloth. Twenty-eight wooden rungs around the alter rail. 6,000 Hebrews crossing the Red Sea with over 120,000 evil Egyptian soldiers in hot pursuit. Just once I’d like to see them catch ‘em. I mean, it would ruin the story, but oh, the variety it would give us all! Mr. Dalton’s drowsy head has now reached the level of the pew in front of him. In another second his chin will be resting on Mrs. Wilson’ shoulder. And.. and...Yes! Touch down! His sleeping nose has dug deeply into the bare flesh above her blue Sunday dress. She senses the nose. I mean, how could you not? Somewhere in his dream, he sniffs a deep sniff and two of Mrs. Wilson’s imitation pearls are immediately sucked up his left nostril. Mrs. Wilson, now choking with the pearl’s pulled tightly around her neck, senses that she is begin once again attacked by an elderly Lutheran in the middle of the Red Sea. She jerks on the pearls, causing the lodged strand to be pulled forcefully out the side of Mr. Dalton’s nose. He is startled into consciousness in mid-dream, just as Bridgett Bardot is about to ask him to go for a midnight swim on the beach at Monte Carlo. His eyes open to find his nose bleeding and the angry, bloodshot eyes of Mrs. Wilson staring directly into his! She pulls out a .45 magnum revolver and levels it at Bardot’s lover. She fires! 10:31. The preacher is now heading into part two of today’s double-header. There are exactly fifteen folds in the red velvet curtain behind the cross. The second one from the right has been stained for six years from a communion accident. The gray on Mrs. Seybold’s roots has crept up exactly one-fourth inch since last Sunday, 6,000 Hebrews make it to safely, the Pharaoh, (who obviously knew this was going to happen since he sent his troops out first) is foiled again. The hymnbook has exactly 457 pages, counting the index, official order of worship and not counting the nameplate dedicated to the loving memory of the Women’s Auxiliary Guild, 1947. Mr. Dalton snores again. Mrs. Dalton pulls a twelve-pound stem of bananas from her purse and smacks him in the head with the entire bunch. He wakes in a fit of confusion, sees only Mrs. Wilson’s face staring back at him from the next pew, jumps on her and strangles her with her own imitation pearls. The preacher says “Amen” and we take up the collection. Some day. Some day I will worship God in a church without seventeenth-century hymns, without 18th-century architecture, and without 16th-century ritual. Some day I will take my children into the woods and see God in the dandelions, and the muskrats, and the bullfrogs, and the butterflies. Some day... Some day I will see a real, living, loving and exciting creator. And he take my hand and we’ll dance. Some day... (sighs, looks up)... I wonder how many ceiling tile.

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