← Speeches & Workshops

8 Block Conf.

6 Oct 2000

Dan Williams said, “We’re tired of asking expensive speakers from a long distance away. So we decided to ask you.”

Intros.. Pilot Club.. forgot Illinois College.. Cerro Gordo.. famous authors Been introduced as Ray Bradbury twice. Drove to Metropolis (Please.. we’ve heard so much about you) one night after school… a long drive.. Bank President: “I’ll be damned if I can remember his name, but here he is. “

I don’t intend to be very heavy today. Most of you have already determined what sort of year this is going to be for you. If you do need a little humor in your life, just think for a moment of the Illinois State Board of Education.

I guess as long as we have a State Board of Education, we’ll need humor. And we’ll have a source of it. I said this at a speech in Springfield.. Third Presby church… two board members introduced themselves afterwards. They agreed. Hint as to what they were like.. it was a recognition dinner for those who’d been members of the church for at least 50 years.

Trivia quiz for older staff members: In USA TODAY magazine last week: Vaughn Meader. …. made a living poking fun at President Kennedy and first family. When Kennedy was killed, he couldn’t get work, went into severe depression. I guess I should hope the School Improvement Plan stays alive and well. It keeps us in humorous material.

We are now in Round 349 of the re-vamped plan for School Improvement… we’ve been promised that this is the final plan. If you remember, plan # 345 was the (USIP) Ultimate School Improvement plan #346 Was the USIPR… Ultimate School Improvement Plan, Really! #347 was the …. WNK , The We’re not Kidding this time! #348 the “Ok, we blew it last time but now we’ve got it right.”

Why don’t they just come out with the #350. Called: “Look, the manufacturer’s lobby put pressure on us and we had to do something or we’d loose their political contributions!”

I have devised an IGAP test to send to each educator in Illinois: Question # 1) How many hours have you spent on the SIP program? 2) Now that you’ve taught them to write the IGAP way how many have died from boredom? 3) Now that 7th-graders have been tested on the intricacies of 17th century dance steps, have you seen a noticeable improvement in their lives? 4) If it’s called the School Improvement plan, please list the ways your school has improved.

That’s not what I wanted to speak about.. it’s called ingratiating yourself to your audience.

Johnny Carson always said, “If you buy the premise, you’ll buy the joke.” I have but one premise today: and it’s no joke…

If I can read your faces correctly, you haven’t run short of intelligence since the school year began, nor have you run out of students or meaningful work. What you may be running short on is the simple joy of doing the job.

THE KEY TO MOST SUCCESSFUL TEACHING IS NOT ANOTHER STATE MANDATED PLAN…IT’S JOY.

If you don’t buy that, the next few minutes of my speech is going to be really boring to you, so at least pretend you believe it. THE KEY TO MOST SUCCESSFUL TEACHING IS JOY.

Simple test: think a moment.. the best 2 teachers you ever had… Now: a magic trick: I’ll tell you about them. They were either a man or a woman. (How am I doing?) Their age was illusive because of their attitude. They came to class more prepared than you did. They seemed to like you. They had joy. They were secure enough to laugh.

I sometimes see our Supt., Larry Armstrong pass my classroom. He’ll stop and listen and smile. I know there are many days he wishes he could return to the joy of teaching. Of course, then he thinks of my paycheck and moves on down the hallway.

Is there room in your lesson plans for the unexpected to happen in your classroom? Book that came out when I started teaching, Teacher, the geranium in the windowsill died and you kept right on teaching. I never read the book, but what cool title. Is there room in your lesson plans for the unexpected? One of the keys to joy in teaching. Matt J: Baritone.

Being smart is good. A command of your subject matter helps. (But I know few who are strictly teaching their major… (Undertaker… Dad.. can you direct plays.. uh… sure ……Me: taught theatre for 30 years and until right now, my supt. didn’t know I never had a course in theatre) But JOY… Joy in knowing that what you’re doing is essential. Jim Kern: Mrs. Brown

Quest Happiness Test.. two fingers … very hard to have joy in your teaching when you’re not being yourself. Have you passed a classroom and heard the teacher speaking and wondered, Who is that? I’ve taught with them for years, but I’ve never known the person who’s talking to the kids in that classroom.

Some advice you may not not hear elsewhere. Some won’t agree, but that’s too bad.. I have the microphone and you don’t. And let me add: many of you are better at what you do than I could ever be. I’m simply expert because I have the podium. And remember, I come cheap.

This speech contains no new technical information. It won’t help you make a webpage, train you to find out what’s on the Prairie State tests, or show you how to cheat out enough credits to qualify for certification. I have only one purpose today… to make you feel better about what you’re doing.

This is no easy task. Green Pastures Teachers Institute.. several years ago.. teachers met to come up with a plan to simply rejuvenate each other… a day of getting to know teachers from other districts… Based on this premise: THERE IS SO MUCH WE CAN LEARN FROM EACH OTHER AS EDUCATORS, BUT WE BARELY KNOW ONE ANOTHER. Look at the way you’re sitting today. (Hands raised for schools) See! 3 on 3 basketball, fingerpainting, nature walks, dance, improvisation, stress management… How many of you were there? Was it great or what? But the torturous meetings we had to go through to justify this to the administrators… Larry, you were the only wise head in the group. How can we justify having fun? We’re supposed to be educators! It poured that day. Our science walk in the woods became a primitive rendition of Noah’s Ark. And you know what? We left that day with joy and a new enthusiasm for teaching.

A private note to the administrators.. next year let the teachers plan the institutes. Please give them no guidelines. If this scares you, then listen closely to this speech. You need joy in your job, too.

I want to speak about bringing the joy back into your job.

You’ve got to be sold on the importance of what you’re doing to be successful at it. Some of us are losing our joy in teaching because we’ve lost your sense of importance.

Nursing home: the real tragedy.. the depression, comes not so much from disease and infirmity and simply uselessness. Lost my mother two years ago.. My Dad’s companion for 54 years.. in his words, “I was just getting used to her.” Dad is 81. Healthy. Works every day. Mows every widow’s yard within a ten mile radius. My brother and I have found that the most important responsibility we have toward my Dad is not seeing to his health or physical well-being, but simply letting him know how important he is to us. We went 40 years without tell him. We must be convinced of our importance.

One way to assure this in your teaching:

If you aren’t completely sold on something you’re teaching, stop teaching it. I think I’ve read every discipline theory published. I would suggest this theory of classroom discipline: Stop being boring and irrelevant.

Teach something worthwhile and meaningful or chuck it and sell insurance. YES! I KNOW! ITS HARD TO KEEP KIDS’ ATTENTION TODAY, but that’s no excuse for being boring or irrelevant. Charlie Rose interviewed a man who at age 93 is still the most in demand architect in the United States. Secret of his success: “If life were 100 times longer I’d still have no excuse for being bored a single minute of it. The hottest places in hell are reserved for the whiners and complainers.”

There are some things we cannot change about kids when they enter our classroom. We cannot change their family life. They were not raised in the fun fifties, the world-conscious sixties, the affluent seventies or the even more affluent eighties. They were raised in the nineties. If you’re going to teach them, you need to understand and adapt to where they’re coming from. You don’t know? Stop reading a couple of nights and watch television. We cannot change their method of learning. That has been established long before they met you. We cannot change the influence of their friends.

We can change attitudes, and if you’ve done that, then you’ve done 99% of the work in teaching the child.

I used to teach the parts of speech to 7th-graders for an entire year. An ENTIRE YEAR! It was awful. I felt awful. The kids felt awful but I kept control with an iron hand. The kids left 7th-grade thinking writing meant adverbs and prepositions. Then I asked myself: “Why am I doing this?” Because the 8th-grade teacher wants me to and because they’ll need it for standardized tests. The Emperor’s New Clothes. I don’t do this any more. Now my kids leave 7th-grade grammatically stupid but happy. All they can do is read and write and they love doing both. They love language arts… every one of them. They will write and read forever and they probably won’t know their adverbs from a hole in the ground.

First 9 weeks… write every week.. all A’s. Encouraging comments.. grades are totally unfair.. they are illogical … they are not a fair reflection of their writing skills… all they do is produce kids who love to write. If you think I’m going to kill that enthusiasm to prop up our IGAP scores, you’re crazy…

Think of it this way.. to become an interesting and relevant teacher, pretend that your students are…. Say… a group of teachers at an October institute. What are their main concerns? ---Why does it have to start so early? ---Why does it have to go past noon? ---Will it be boring? ---Is there any way I could skip it without getting caught? ---Will the other groups get to leave before I do?

(It’s at this point that Dan Williams is probably telling himself: “Next year I’ll go ahead and spend the money on a speaker.”)

To take it one step further. To have joy in teaching, you have to love the work. Maybe your heart just isn’t in it. I know some who are “called to teach” because they hate to work. Please, get out of the profession. You’re hurting kids and you’re making the rest of us look really bad. We tell our students over and over that in order for something to be interesting and worthwhile, you must work hard to achieve it. Are you still working hard at teaching?

(Note to myself: Duck briefly at this point and if nothing is being thrown, continue to the end of the speech)

To have joy in teaching, you need to keep your perspective. Lighten up. You are not the end of the world. Most of what you do can be corrected by someone else. Leave your anxieties at home. Most kids bring their own and don’t need yours. I could look in some of your purses and bags and read your anxieties.

(Roger Ebert?)

Chuck Swindoll.. a minister and author… says as a minister he has a real danger of mistaking himself for an undertaker. Sometimes we have the same problem. Preached on praying for what you need the most. Lady: 31 year old divorcee. Hung pants on bedpost. Father in heaven, hear my prayer, and grant one if you can. I’ve hung a pair of trousers there, please fill them with a man. “Dear Chuck.. I am wondering if I should be worried about something. It has to do with our son. For the last two weeks I have noticed he has gone to bed with a woman’s bikini over the foot of his bed. Should I be concerned about this?

Keep your perspective light. Your calling is serious and life-changing. Your methods don’t have to be. One of the reasons I enjoy teaching at Triopia is that there is much laughter. I hope the same is true for your school. We tend to teach with our doors open at Triopia. Linda Wilson teaches across the hall from me.. a well-controlled class. Down the hall, Julie Carriger, diligent group.. and Patty Clinton’s Spanish class is always well-controlled. The only time I have to close the door is during the faculty lunch period just down the hall. We do have joy. I hope you do, too.

To have joy in teaching, you need to Work your butt off. Which is almost identical to my point #2 but it’s so important that I wanted to repeat it. There’s no easy way to teach. If you’re doing something the same way today that you did three years ago, it had better be a darned good idea. I recently did a hospital show… doctors every night.. lawyers… Nobody works harder than we do!

You cannot have joy in teaching while you play the blame game. I do morning calisthenics.. wake up feeling good then I start putting weights on myself.. I think about teachers who I disagree with, administrators who I disagree with….. irresponsible parents… I’m so heavy by the time I get to school, I can hardly get out of the car. Teaching will never be fair. Get over it. If you don’t, your kids will suffer because of your unhappiness.

Someone will always be paid more than you for doing less. Get over it. Someone will always seem to have an easier schedule. Get over it. If you had their schedule you’d become less of a teacher, not more. 90% of the work in the world is done by people who don’t have time to do it. I hope that’s you. Stop playing the blame game with parents. Most are doing the best they can. Many are incapable of doing a good job. Sex education: toilet seat.

It is not fair that to teach in the new millenium, you must also be father and mother to so many. It’s not fair that they don’t pay you enough for that. However, it is a fact. Get over it. You are the best mom or dad some of your kids have so accept it, live with it and make it work. STOP COMPLAINING! QUIT IT! YOU’RE DESTROYING YOUR OWN EFFECTIVENESS AND YOU’RE MAKING THE REST OF US MISERABLE.

To have joy in teaching, you must remind yourself that you are not the best at everything. Give credit even to those who irritate you. There are teachers who are better than you . . . at some things. Big deal. We’re in this together and they are helping you by being great. Tell them so. Appreciate each other. The most valuable teacher in my building.. I’ve never been in his classroom, I’ve never asked kids about what kind of teacher he is although they’re always quick to tell me he’s great. He’s the most valuable person in the building because he’s an encourager. Ed Anderson. He encourages the teachers. He encourages the kids.

I teach a class called Quest.. self-confidence class. Last week I asked them: 1) Name someone who gave you money at least two years ago. Few could remember. THEN.. 2) name someone who gave you a compliment two years ago that you still remember.

Encouragement is the cheapest and the most valuable gift we can give one another.

Airport.. cookies.. Face it, sometimes we’re wrong.

If I were one of those highly paid motivational speakers I’d now ask you to all stand up, turn to someone near you and say, “I am sometimes wrong.” But I always hate it when a speaker does that. Instead.. just look at them.. you can tell it’s true by the look on their face.

Recently had an administrator who was a complete incompetent but we didn’t care. He complimented people. Our little Methodist church has had a string of incompetent ministers. We don’t care. It’s our church. We ignore the incompetents and go on doing Christ’s work. We make our church, not the minister. We now have a great minister and frankly don’t know what to do with him.

Now a special word about administrators. Realize that your administrator is not a teacher, you are. Realize where your administrator is coming from. Your idea of a good day is one in which ground was gained, kids learned, kids were excited about learning. Your administrator’s idea of a good day is one in which nothing important was burned to the ground, no one was killed, and the school doors opened on time. This is the nature of being the boss. This is not a sin.

We need someone with that as their main concern because we don’t have time to do those things. Your motto: “Learn for the joy of learning.” His: “Can’t we all just get along?” If you think about it, that’s what you want from him. You are the visionary in your school. You are the one to dream the dreams. Please, keep dreaming them.

To have joy in teaching, you have to realize You will never get the credit you deserve. Most people don’t. Doctors in show… lonely, no social life. People intimidated by them. Lincoln show with lawyers.. truly hurt by lack of respect.. If you think you have it tough as a teacher… trying listening to lawyer jokes. Recent email from Gus Gordon. Reward yourself. Congratulate yourself. Me: raised on a farm… look back on tractor and you can see what you’ve accomplished. You can’t do that in teaching. If you have stories, share them with each other. I’ll tell you one. Next year you can have the microphone and you can share yours. In fact, let’s have a workshop on simply that. BOB SLAVENS

A simple test, if you received as much praise as you give, would that be enough?

Conway Twitty.

To have joy in teaching, you must Realize that you have a very good job. You can survive on the salary. Who wants to be rich with all the headaches? You do get summers off. Most school administrators are too busy to interfere with what you want to do. If your students are getting you down, spend a day behind the checkout counter at Walmart.

History teacher: retired… a real curmudgeon.. Announce to students… two kinds of kids, students and jerks. I want all the students to sit on this side of the room … I’ll teach you. The jerks, sit over here and be quiet for 9 months. When we advertised for a part-time sub, he was the first to apply. He missed the jerks. Came back with a whole new attitude.

To have joy in teaching, you must realize your own importance. You are the most important factor in your school system. Not the kids, not the parents, not the administrators… YOU. I was a good teacher before I got on tenure. I’m a good teacher after tenure. Our school: 8 block many years ago. Some thought it would be the end of civilized education.. Nope. The great teachers in our school were great before 8-block and they’re great after.

It’s awfully hard to have joy without faith. Helen Dickens. I know this is a public school setting, but I have no idea how a person can teach without faith. Honestly: I would quit tomorrow. Make yourself this bargain: for every minute you spend worrying about your students, spend a minute praying for them. If you’re an atheist, find some sweat old Baptist lady and ask her to pray for you. What’s it gonna hurt?

Weird Al Saturday night.. man in lobby at intermission. Enjoying the show? How should I know? My daughter’s a freshman on her first date tonight in Pittsfield.

FINALLY: My new school improvement plan. The Bradbury System. BS for short. After a month of school, the students will naturally fallen into three classes. Those who are there to learn, those who usually give some effort, and those who have no intention of learning a thing. Take the 3rd group… put in a large room.. videos, comic books, Mountain Dew and Diet Pepsi for a month… then give them the option of coming back or staying there.

Yesterday morning.. teacher’s room.. both copy machines broken, tests to give.. 50 Jr. High students going to speech contest in a month but two of three scheduled had forgotten to stay for practice.. janitor running the weed-eater outside my classroom window.. Someone looked over my shoulder.. What are you doing? Writing a speech. On what? The Joys of teaching, now shut up and leave me alone.

It’s not easy to keep your joy in teaching… Just necessary.

There’s no group to whom I’d rather speak than teachers. In my college education class I was fed platitudes about the importance of teaching. I even read it in CHICKEN SOUP FOR THE SOUL. Even President Clinton says we’re important. Even George Bush III and Al Gore say we’re important.. as long as it can be verified on a standardized test. Don’t laugh. One of these guys will become the fifth successive “Education President.”

But only you know… only I know… with dogs sniffing our schools for drugs.. With the rate of child abuse rising faster than the gross national product With kids afraid to walk the streets of their own neighborhoods.. With the divorce rate seeking to destroy everything you’re trying to do for your kids… With White supremacists groups growing faster than church membership With government trying to solve very human and desperate problems with political solutions… With test scores getting more attention than the real needs of children…

Only you and I know how essential our job is. How essential we are.. Even on our very worst days. And that in itself should be a reason for great joy.

Well, that’s it. It was cheap. But I hope that to you, it was important.

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