← Speeches & Workshops

* Dance naked in front of your pets.

• Use your Mastercard to pay your Visa bill.
• Make a list of things you have already done.
• Bill your doctor for the time you spent in his waiting room.
• Jam tiny marshmallows up your nose and try to sneeze them out.
• Read the dictionary backwards and look for subliminal messages.
• When someone says "Have a nice day!" tell them you have other plans.
• Thumb through the National Geographic and draw underwear on the natives.
• Put your toddlers clothes on backward and send her off to preschool as if nothing is wrong.
• Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in housewares," and see what happens.
• Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
• Put M&M's on layaway.
• Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
• When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
• While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
• Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission Impossible."
• In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with various funnels.
• Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like "Pick me!! Pick me!!" and scare them into believing that the clothes are talking to them.
• When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"