Donovan II
Dec 1996
Unusual to get asked back.
The last time I was here. The worst speaking assignment in the world: immediately preceding me were people from the state talking about a new act of congress regarding the definition of handicapped and what a school must do. You were Mad!
Meg thought I was funny. Actually, I wasn’t. It’s just that after the folks who preceded me, anything would have been a relief.
I guess as long as we have a State Board of Education, we’ll need humor. And we’ll have a source of it. I said this at a speech in Springfield.. Third Presby church.. (speaker system) two board members introduced themselves afterwards. They agreed.
Trivia quiz for older staff members: In TIME magazine this week: Vaughn Meader. …. made a living poking fun at the President and first family. When Kennedy was killed, he couldn’t get work, went into severe depression. I guess I should hope the School Improvement Plan stays alive and well. It keeps us in humorous material.
We recently went through reading evaluation. Kids wrote on prompts. The previous year, English teachers taught writing hard for a semester, then sat their watching our coaching staff read and grade the papers! Arghhhh! This year: I’d coached my kids carefully on how to play the testing game. This is boring, this is not the proper way to write, and if you actually follow this formula in class I’ll kill you. But here’s a trick we’re going to play on the state. We did great! Our lower classes have been exempted from taking the IGAP for the next two years.
We are now in Round 349 of the re-vamped plan for School Improvement… we’ve been promised that this is the final plan. If you remember, plan # 345 was the (USIP) Ultimate School Improvement plan #346 Was the USIPR… Ultimate School Improvement Plan, Really! #347 was the …. WNK , The We’re not Kidding this time! #348 the “Ok, we blew it last time but now we’ve got it right.”
Why don’t they just come out with the #350. Called: “Look, the manufacturer’s lobby put pressure on us and we had to do something or we’d loose their political contributions!”
I have devised an IGAP test to send to each educator in Illinois: Question # 1) How many hours have you spent on the SIP program? 2) Now that you’ve taught them to write the IGAP way how many have died from boredom? 3) Now that 7th-graders have been tested on the intricacies of 17th century dance steps, have you seen a noticeable improvement in their lives?
- Is your school a better school because of the last six plans to revamp Illinois Education?
I didn’t keep a copy of my last speech to the Donovan faculty. Forgive me if I repeat myself. If you’re like my students, you only heard half of what I said the first time. I hope I have a few new insights.
Johnny Carson always said, “If you buy the premise, you’ll buy the joke.” I have but one premise today: and it’s no joke… THE KEY TO MOST SUCCESSFUL TEACHING IS JOY. A SIMPLE TEST: Think of one or two of your favorite teachers. They enjoyed their work. They enjoyed you. They were secure enough to laugh.
Being smart is good. A command of your subject matter helps. (But I know few who are strictly teaching their major… (Undertaker… Dad.. can you direct plays.. uh… sure ……Me: larger theatre program than athletic..never had a course in theatre)) But JOY… Joy in what you’re doing is essential.
Some advice you’ll not hear elsewhere. Some won’t agree, but I’m a long ways away from home and none of you has my address. And let me add: many of you are better at what you do than I could ever be. I’m simply expert because I traveled further than you did this morning.
You’ve got to be sold on the importance of what you’re doing to be successful at it. Nursing home: the real tragedy.. the depression, comes not so much from disease and infirmity and simply uselessness. If you aren’t completely sold on something you’re teaching, stop teaching it. I think I’ve read every discipline theory published. I would suggest this theory of classroom discipline: Stop being boring and irrelevant. Teach something worthwhile and meaningful or chuck it and sell insurance. YES! I KNOW! ITS HARD TO KEEP KIDS’ ATTENTION TODAY, but that’s no excuse for being boring or irrelevant. This is hard: Senior Speech Class… I am boring and irrelevant to them. But I’m still trying. I used to teach the parts of speech to 7th-graders for an entire year. An ENTIRE YEAR! It was awful. I felt awful. The kids felt awful but I kept control with an iron hand. The kids left 7th-grade thinking writing meant adverbs and prepositions. Then I asked myself: “Why am I doing this?” Because the 8th-grade teacher wants me to and because they’ll need it for standardized tests. I don’t do this any more. Now my kids leave 7th-grade grammatically stupid but happy. All they can do is read and write and they love doing both. They love language arts… every one of them. They will write and read forever and they won’t know their adverbs from a hole in the ground. First 9 weeks… write every week.. all A’s. Encouraging comments.. grades are totally unfair.. they are illogical … they are not a fair reflection of their writing skills… all they do is produce kids who love to write. If you think I’m going to kill that enthusiasm to prop up our IGAP scores, you’re crazy…
To take it one step further. To have joy in teaching, you have to love the work. Maybe your heart just isn’t in it. I know some who are “called to teach” because they hate to work. Please, get out of the profession. You’re hurting kids and you’re making the rest of us look really bad.
To have joy in teaching, you need to keep your perspective. Lighten up. You are not the end of the world. Most of what you do can be corrected by someone else. Leave your anxieties at home. Most kids bring their own and don’t need yours. (Roger Ebert?) Every time I leave school to speak… Looks on faces: “Geesh! Why?” Chuck Swindoll.. a minister and author… says as a minister he has a real danger of mistaking himself for an undertaker. Preached on praying for what you need the most. Lady: 31 year old divorcee. Hung pants on bedpost. Father in heaven, hear my prayer, and grant one if you can. I’ve hung a pair of trousers there, please fill them with a man. “Dear Chuck.. I am wondering if I should be worried about something. It has to do with our son. For the last two weeks I have noticed he has gone to bed with a woman’s bikini over the foot of his bed. Should I be concerned about this?
To have joy in teaching, you need to Work your butt off. Which is identical to my point #5 but it’s so important that I wanted to repeat it. There’s no easy way to teach. If you’re doing something the same way today that you did three years ago, it had better be a darned good idea. I recently did a hospital show… doctors every night.. lawyers… Nobody works harder than we do!
You cannot have joy in teaching while you play the blame game. I do morning calisthenics.. wake up feeling good then I start putting weights on myself.. I think about lazy teachers… lazy administrators.. irresponsible parents… I’m so heavy by the time I get to school, I can hardly get out of the car. Stop playing the blame game with parents. Most are doing the best they can. Many are incapable of doing a good job. Sex education: toilet seat. They’ve never seen it modeled by their parents. You are the best mom or dad some of your kids have so accept it, live with it and make it work. It’s not fair, it’s not what you’re trained for, it puts an undo burden on you, and it’s absolutely necessary. THE HOTTEST PLACE IN HELL IS RESERVED FOR WHINERS AND COMPLAINERS. QUIT IT! YOU’RE DESTROYING YOUR OWN EFFECTIVENESS AND YOU’RE MAKING THE REST OF US MISERABLE.
To have joy in teaching, you must remind yourself that you are not the best at everything. Give credit even to those who irritate you. There are teachers who are better than you at some things. Big deal. We’re in this together and they are helping you by being great. Tell them so. Appreciate each other. Ed Anderson. Recently had an administrator who was a complete incompetent but we didn’t care. He complimented people.
Now a special word about administrators. Realize that your administrator is not a teacher, you are. Realize where your administrator is coming from. Your idea of a good day is one in which ground was gained. Your administrator’s idea of a good day is one in which nothing important was burned to the ground, no one was killed, and the school doors opened on time. This is the nature of being the boss. This is not a sin. Your motto: “Learn for the joy of learning.” His: “Can’t we all just get along?” If you think about it, that’s what you want from him.
To have joy in teaching, you have to realize You will never get the credit you deserve. Most people don’t. Doctors in show… lonely, no social life. People intimidated by them. Lincoln show with lawyers.. truly hurt by lack of respect.. If you think you have it tough as a teacher… trying listening to lawyer jokes. Reward yourself. Congratulate yourself. Me: raised on a farm… look back on tractor and you can see what you’ve accomplished. A simple test, if you received as much praise as you give, would that be enough? Conway Twitty.
To have joy in teaching, you must Realize that you have a very good job. You can survive on the salary. Who wants to be rich with all the headaches? You do get summers off. Most school administrators are too busy to interfere with what you want to do. If your students are getting you down, spend a day behind the checkout counter at Walmart. Phalen: retired… a real curmudgeon.. Announce to students… two kinds of kids, students and jerks. I want all the students to sit on this side of the room … I’ll teach you. The jerks, sit over here and be quiet for 9 months. When we advertised for a part-time sub, he was the first to apply. He missed it. Came back with a whole new attitude. Jeff Stephens…
To have joy in teaching, you must realize your own importance. You are the most important factor in your school system. Not the kids, not the parents, not the administrators… YOU. I was a good teacher before I got on tenure. I’m a good teacher after tenure. Our school: 8 block four years ago. Some thought it would be the end of civilized education.. Nope. The great teachers in our school were great before 8-block and they’re great after. Bob Slavens.
It’s awfully hard to have joy without faith. Helen Dickens. I know this is a public school setting, but I have no idea how a person can teach without faith in God. Honestly: I would quit tomorrow. Make yourself this bargain: for every minute you spend worrying about your students, spend a minute praying for them. If you’re an atheist, find some sweat old Baptist lady and ask her to pray for you. What’s it gonna hurt?
FINALLY: My new school improvement plan. The Bradbury System. BS for short. After a month of school, the students will naturally fallen into three classes. Those who are there to learn, those who usually give some effort, and those who have no intention of learning a thing. Take the 3rd group… put in a large room.. videos, comic books, Mountain Dew and Diet Pepsi for a month… then give them the option of coming back or staying there.
There’s no group to whom I’d rather speak than teachers. In my college education class I was fed platitudes about the importance of teaching. I even read it in CHICKEN SOUP FOR THE SOUL. Even President Clinton says we’re important. Even Bob Dole says it… as long as we don’t belong to a union.
But only you know… only I know… with marijuana legalization on the near horizon, With the rate of child abuse rising faster than the gross national product With kids afraid to walk the streets of their own neighborhoods..
Only you and I know how essential our job is. How essential we are.. Even on our very worst days.