For Sale
One sister for sale! One sister for sale! One crying and spying young sister for sale! I’m really not kidding, so who’ll start the bidding? Do I hear a dollar? A nickel? A penny? Or isn’t there, isn’t there, isn’t there any One kid who will buy this old sister for sale? This crying and spying young sister for sale? (Whimper) SLEEPING SARDINES (All huddle together…tight) “I’m tired of eating just beans,” says I. So I opened a can of sardines. But they started to squeak. ALL: “Hey! We’re tryin’ to sleep! We were snuggled in tight ‘til you let in the light! You big silly sap, let us finish our nap! Now close up the lid!” So that’s what I did. Will somebody please pass the beans?
LOVE Ricky was our “L” but he’s home with the flu. Lizzie, our “O” had some homework to do, Mitchell, “E” probably got lost on the way. So I’m all of love that could be here today.
MY HOBBY BOYS: When you spit from the twenty-sixth floor And it floats on the breeze to the ground, Does it fall upon hats Or on white Persian cats
Or on heads with a pitty-pat sound? I used to think life was a bore, But I don’t feel that way anymore, As I count up the hits, As I smile as I sit, As I spit from the twenty-sixth floor. GIRLS: OOOoooooo DEAF DONALD Deaf Donald met Talkie Sue But (make the gestures) was all he could do. And Sue said, “Donald, I sure do like you!” But (gesture) was all he could do. And Sue asked Donald, “Do you like me too?” But (gesture) was all he could do. “Good-bye then, Donald. I’m leaving you.” But (gesture) was all he DID do. And she left forever, so she never knew That (gesture) means “I love you.!” THE UNION FOR CHILDREN’S RIGHTS Strike! Strike! For children’s rights! Longer weekends! Shorter school hours! Higher allowances! Less baths and showers! No brussel sprouts! More root beer! And seventeen summer vacations a year! If you’re ready to strike, sign up right here!
ONE TWO! GIRLS: One two, buckle my shoe. BOYS: Buckle your own shoe! GIRLS: Who said that? BOYS: I did. What are you doing with those silly buckles on your shoes anyway? GIRLS: Three, four, shut the door. BOYS: You shut it! You opened it! GIRLS: Uh….five, six, pick up sticks. BOYS: Why should I pick them up? Do you think I’m your slave? Buckle my shoe, shut the door, pick up sticks, next thing you’ll be telling me to lay them straight! GIRLS: But it’s only a poem!.. nine, ten, a big fat… oh, never mind.
PRAYER OF THE SELFISH CHILD BOYS: Now I lay me down to sleep I pray the Lord my soul to keep If I should die before I wake I pray the Lord my toys to break So none of the other kids can use ‘em. …. Amen. MA AND GOD God gave us fingers…. Ma says, “Use your fork!” God gave us voices- - - Ma says, “Don’t scream!” Ma says eat broccoli, cereal and carrots. But God gave us tasteys for maple ice cream.
God gave us fingers. . .Ma says “Use your hanky!” God gave us puddles… Ma says “Don’t splash!” Ma says, “Be quiet, your father is sleeping!” But God gave us garbage can covers to crash!
God gave us fingers… Ma says, “Put your gloves on!” God gave us raindrops. . .Ma says, “Don’t get wet!” Ma says be careful, and don’t get to near to those strange lovely dogs that God Gave us to pet.
God gave us fingers. . . Ma says, “Go wash ‘em!” But God gave us coal bins and nice dirty bodies. And I ain’t too sure, but there’s one thing for certain.. . . Either Ma’s wrong or else God is.
JUMPING ROPE (Get tangled, then begin)
This started out as a jumping rope You probably think that I’m a dope But this started out as a jumping rope And now I fear that there is no hope But this started out as a jumping rope
THE BATTLE Would you like to hear of the terrible night When I bravely fought the . . . . ALL: No! All right.
THE LITTLE BOY AND THE OLD MAN Said the little boy, “Sometimes I drop my spoon.” Said the little old man, “I do that too.” The little boy whispered, “I wet my pants.” “I do that too,” said the little old man. Said the little boy, “I often cry.” The old man nodded, “So do I.” “But worst of all,” said the boy, “it seems grown-ups don’t pay attention to me.” And he felt the warmth of wrinkled old hand. “I know what you mean,” said the little old man.
LITTLE ABIGAIL AND THE BEAUTIFUL PONY There was a girl named Abigail who was taking a drive through the country With her parents when she spied a beautiful sad-eyed grey and white pony. And next to it was a sign that said, “For Sale!.. . . Cheap!” “Oh!” said Abigail. “May I have that pony? May I please?” And her parents said, “No you may not.” And Abigail said, “But I must have that pony.” And her parents said, “Well, you can’t have that pony but you can have a nice butter pecan ice cream cone when we get home.” And Abigail said, “I don’t want a butter pecan ice cream cone! I WANT THAT PONY! I MUST HAVE THAT PONY!” And her parents said, “Be quiet and stop nagging. .. You’re NOT getting that pony.” And Abigail began to cry and said, “If I don’t get that pony I’ll die!” And her parents said, “You won’t die. No child ever died yet from not getting a pony.” And Abigail felt so bad that when they got home she went to bed, And she couldn’t eat, and she couldn’t sleep, and her heart was broken And she DID DIE!.. All because of that pony that her parents wouldn’t buy. (This is a good story to tell your folks when they won’t buy you something you want.”
SNOWBALL: GROUP I: I made myself a snowball As perfect as could be. I thought I'd keep it as a pet And let it sleep with me. GROUP 2 & 3: I made it some pajamas GROUP 4: And a pillow for its head. GROUP I: Then last night it ran away, BRITTANY: But first- it wet the bed
ELISABETH: "I cannot go to school today," GROUPS 1 & 2: Said little Peggy Ann McKay. ZOE: "I have the measles and the mumps, A gash, a rash and purple bumps. KAITLYN N: My mouth is wet, my throat is dry, I'm going blind in my right eye. GROUPS 3 & 4: My tonsils are as big as rocks, 'I've counted sixteen chicken pox AUSTIN: And there's one more-- that's seventeen, GROUPS 1 & 2: And don't you think that my face looks green? ALLY: My leg is cut, my eyes are blue-- It might be instamatic flu. KAITLYN J: I cough and sneeze and gasp and choke, I'm sure that my left leg is broke-- KOLE: My hip hurts when I move my chin, ALLY: My belly button's caving in, GROUPS 3 & 4: My back is wreched, my ankle's sprained, GROUPS 1 & 2: My 'pendix pains each time it rains. AUSTIN: My nose is cold, my toes are numb, ELLY: I have a sliver in my thumb. GROUPS 3 & 4: My neck is stiff, my spine is weak, GROUPS 1 & 2: I hardly whisper when I speak. KOLE: My tongue is filling up my mouth, AUSTIN: I think my hair is falling out. GROUPS 3 & 4: My elbow's bent, my spine ain't straight, GROUPS 1 & 2: My temperature is one-o-eight. KAITLYN: My brain is shrunk, I cannot hear, MACKENZIE: There is a hole inside my ear. GROUPS 3 & 4: I have a hangnail, and my heart is--what? ELISABETH: What's that? What's that you say? You say that today is... Saturday? G'bye, I'm going out to play!" ALL: They've put a brassiere on a camel, 1: She wasn't dressed proper, you know. ALL: They've put a brassiere on a camel, 2: So that her humps wouldn't show. 3: And they're making other respectable plans, KYLIE: They're even even insisting the pigs should wear pants, AUSTIN: They'll dress up the ducks if we give them the chance ALL: Since they've put a brassiere on a camel. ALL: They've put a brassiere on a camel, 4: They claim she's more decent that way. ALL: They've put a brassiere on a camel, 3: The camel had nothing to say. KOLE: They squeezed her into it, I’ll never know how, LEVI: They say that she looks more respectable now, AUSTIN: Lord knows what they've got in mind for the cow, ALL: Since they've put a brassiere on a camel. KALEB: I’m Making a List! 1 & 2: I’m making a list of the things I must say for politeness, 3 & 4: And goodness and kindness and gentleness, sweetness and rightness: KAITLYN J: (sickeningly sweet) Hello ZOE: Pardon me KAITLYN N: How are you? ELLY: Excuse me KALEB: Bless you KYLIE: May I? ALLY: Thank you EMILY: Goodbye BRITTANY: If you know some that I forgot, Please stick them into your eye!
Anteater “A genuine aunteater,” the pet man told my dad. Turned out, it was an aunt eater, And now my uncle’s mad.
Kidnapped This morning I was kidnapped By three masked men. They stopped me on the side walk, And offered me some candy, And when I wouldn't take it They grabbed me by the collar, And pinned my arms behind me, And shoved me in a backseat Of this big black limousine and Tied my hands behind my back With sharp and rusty wire. Then they put a blindfold on me So I couldn't see where they took me, And plugged up my ears with cotton So I couldn't hear their voices. And drove for 20 miles or At least for 20 minutes, and then Dragged me from the car down to Some cold and moldy basement, Where they stuck me in a corner And went off to get the ransom Leaving one of them to guard me With a shotgun pointed at me, Tied up sitting on a stool... That's why I'm late for school!!! Dreadful Someone ate the baby, It’s rather sad to say. Someone ate the baby So she won’t be out to play. We’ll never hear her whiney cry Or have to feel if she is dry. We’ll never hear her asking “Why?” Someone ate the baby. Someone ate the baby. It’s absolutely clear Someone ate the baby ‘Cause the baby isn’t here. We’ll give away her toys and clothes. We’ll never have to wipe her nose. Dad says, “That’s the way it goes.” Someone ate the baby. Someone ate the baby. What a frightful thing to eat! Someone ate the baby Though she wasn’t very sweet. It was a heartless thing to do. The policemen haven’t got a clue. I simply can’t imagine who Would go and (burp) eat the baby.
Sarah Cynthia Slyvia Stout Would Not Take The Garbage Out Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout Would not take the garbage out! She'd scour the pots and scrape the pans, Candy the yams and spice the hams, And though her daddy would scream and shout, She simply would not take the garbage out. And so it piled up to the ceilings: Coffee grounds, potato peelings, Brown Bananas, rotten peas, Chunks of sour cottage cheese. It filled the can, it covered the floor, It cracked the window and blocked the door With bacon rinds and chicken bones, Drippy ends of ice cream cones, Prune pits, peach pits, orange peel, Gloppy glumps of cold oatmeal, Pizza crusts and withered greens, Soggy beans and tangerines, Crusts of black burned buttered toast, Grisly bits of beefy roasts... The garbage rolled down the hall, It raised the roof, it broke the wall... Greasy napkins, cookie crumbs, Globs of gooey bubble gum, Cellophane from green baloney, Rubbery blubbery macaroni, Peanut butter, caked and dry, Curdled milk and crusts of pie, Moldy melons, dried-up mustard, Eggshells mixed with lemon custard, Cold french fries and rancid meat, Yellow lumps of Cream of Wheat. At last the garbage reached so high That finally it touched the sky. And all the neighbors moved away, And none of her friends would come to play. And finally Sarah Cynthia Slylvia Stout said, "Ok, I'll take the garbage out!" But then, of course, it was too late... The garbage reached across the state, From New York to the Golden Gate. And there, in the garbage she did hate, Poor Sarah met an awful fate, That I cannot right now relate Because the hour is much too late. But children, remember Sarah Stout And always take the garbage out!