I’m just a lowly speech coach… I feel so all alone…
No training and no time, even my stopwatch is on loan. Nobody else would take it… And I have got a hunch… It was either this or I’d be supervising lunch.
I’m just a dad-blamed speech coach….Lord! What a mess I am in! Just a month to contest and I feel like the walls are cavin’ in! If somethin’ doesn’t happen then I’m destined for the speech coach loony bin!
My desk is filled with entries, they’ll fallin’ on the floor. Soon as I assign ‘em then they give me twenty more! Can’t even get a minute to try to sleep or teach… I got duets stuck in places I can’t hardly even reach!
I’m just a dad-blamed speech coach….Lord! What a sight I be! A month to a seventh-grader…is like an eternity. Unless the thing’s tomorrow nobody sees it comin’ but me.
Before and after school I’ve got students out my ears My doctor asks me why I haven’t eaten lunch in years! And Lord, I hear excuses! I hear ‘em all time. My kids can never memorize but you oughta hear ‘em whine.!
I’m just a dad-blamed speech coach….Lord! What will I do? The other schools are ready but my team is somewhere stuck in Timbuktu! I must remember contest when I get my certificate renewed!
Oh you can look at find my body… Under a pile of monologues… My obituary’s listed… In the Consortium catalog! The ghost of Edna Means is bangin’ on my head I look at what I’ve got to do and know why she is dead.
(Instrumental)
I finally get a team who are ready to perform… They’ve learned their lines..well sorta…though they sound a bit deformed. Little Johnny’s ready to finally give his speech… Then his dog-goned partner goes ineligible next week!
I’m just a dad-blamed speech coach….Lord! I need a break! What did I do to deserve this confounded fate? Someday I’ll have them ready …they’ll only be seven months late!
The host, she wants my entries…. My students want to win The parents want my neck and my principal wants my skin! My eyes are gettin’ bleary from readin’ all those scripts… Sometimes I want to walk out into the hall and holler…. I quit!
I’m just a dad-blamed speech coach….Oh…dear merciful God! A lowly low-paid speech coach…Lord!… I wanna sob! The kids want their medals and me…. Lord, I need a job!
When I get to heaven..and walk up to the Lord I know from what I’ve suffered that He’ll give me my reward.. He’ll say, “Well here’s that speech coach! He’s a friend of mine!” “But ‘ccording to my watch you’re seven seconds under time!”
I’m just a dad-blamed speech coach….Lord! What a mess I am in! Just a month to contest nobody’s got their piece memorized, the basketball coach just stole my chorale group, all my events have turned to Improv, “I know my lines, I just don’t know when to say them,” “My partner just quit,” “Sorry, but we can’t provide a bus…” and I feel like the walls are cavin’ in!
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