Jansen Joehl

Katie Clayton Corey Andrews Lydia Welch Phillip Whited Adrienne McLain Ryan Link Sydney Carlin Hayden Upchurch Emily Carls Andy Cooper Kelsey Jackson Dakota Langley Halei Carl (17) John Love

Jacob Burrus

Dustin Meade

Group I: Jansen, Corey, Phillip, Ryan, Dustin Group II:Hayden, Jacob, Andy, Dakota, John Group III: Katie, Lydia, Adrienne Group IV: Sydney, Emily, Kelsy, Halei

All but Adrienne: They've Put a Brassiere On a Camel! Adrienne: (stepping out from the group) Hold it! Hold it! John: (Xing to her) What’s the matter? Adrienne: We can’t say that. John: Uh…I think we just did. That’s the poem we’re doing. Shel Silverstein wrote it. Adrienne: But look at the audience. They think we’re…you know… perverts or something. John: It’s called acting, Adrienne. Adrienne: It’s called indecent. My grandma’s out there. (or change to “teacher” or “mom” or something) John: But she’s smiling. Adrienne: You always smile when your granddaughter’s onstage. It’s a law, I think. John: (to the group) Come on, guys. One more time.

ALL: They've put a brassiere on a camel,  1: She wasn't dressed proper, you know.  ALL: They've put a brassiere on a camel,  2: So that her humps wouldn't show.  3: And they're making other respectable plans,  JACOB: They're even even insisting the pigs should wear pants,  JANSEN: They'll dress up the ducks if we give them the chance  ALL: Since they've put a brassiere on a camel.  ALL: They've put a brassiere on a camel,  4: They claim she's more decent that way.  ALL: They've put a brassiere on a camel,  3: The camel had nothing to say.  SYDNEY: They squeezed her into it, I’ll never know how,  EMILY: They say that she looks more respectable now,  JACOB: Lord knows what they've got in mind for the cow,  ALL: Since they've put a brassiere on a camel.

Adrienne: That’s disgusting. John: Live with it, Adrienne. Come on guys… Best Mask! 1 & 2: They just had a contest for the scariest mask, And I was the wild and daring one Who won the contest for the scariest mask.. JOHN: And (sob) I’m not even wearing one! Adrienne: Great. A poem about ugly faces. I’m sure everybody wanted to hear that. John: You know, Adrienne, sometimes you’re really a drag. The Little Boy and the Old Man!

1: Said the little boy, JANSEN: "Sometimes I drop my spoon." 2: Said the old man, PHILLIP: "I do that too." 3: The little boy whispered, JANSEN: "I wet my pants." PHILLIP: "I do that too," 4: laughed the little old man. 1: Said the little boy, JANSEN: "I often cry." 2: The old man nodded, PHILLIP: "So do I." JANSEN: "But worst of all," 3: said the boy, JANSEN"it seems Grown-ups don't pay attention to me." ALL (but Jansen and Phillip) And he felt the warmth of a wrinkled old hand. PHILLIP: "I know what you mean," ALL: said the little old man.

Adrienne: Now it’s pants wetting? What kind of weirdo was this Shel Silverstein? John: A very rich one. Hey, he was a good poet! He wrote about fun stuff. Adrienne: Is he gonna save us when we’re kicked out of contest? John: Probably not. He died seven years ago. One! Two!

GIRLS: One Two, buckle my shoe BOYS: Buckle your own shoe! GIRLS: Who said that? BOYS: I did! What are you doing with those silly buckles on your shoes anyway? GIRLS: Three, four, shut the door. BOYS: You shut it! You opened it! GIRLS: Uh….five, six, pick up sticks… BOYS: Why should I pick them up? Do you think I’m your slave? Buckle my shoe, shut the door, pick up sticks, next thing you’ll be telling me to lay them straight! GIRLS: But it’s only a poem!... Nine, ten, a big fat…Oh, never mind Adrienne: Now that was really cruel. That’s sexism! John: It’s just a poem, Adrienne! Adrienne: Who is this Shel Silverstein nut? John: He was a songwriter, a playwright, a musician, and singer and he wrote 18 books of poetry. Adrienne: From jail? John: Adrienne, would you just lighten up? I like the title of this next one..It’s called “Love!”

(Part assignments: Ricky: Dakota, Lizzie: Sydney, Mitchell: Andy)

KATIE: Ricky was “L” but he’s home with the flu… Lizzie, our “O” had some homework to do. Mitchell, “E” prob’ly got lost on the way. So I’m all of love that could make it today. John: (looking at Adrienne) No complaints? Adrienne: It was silly, but I’ll let it pass. John: Great. The Land of Happy!  ALL: Have you been to the land of happy,  Where everyone's happy all day,  1 & 2: Where they joke and they sing  Of the happiest things,  LYDIA: And everything's jolly and gay?  3 & 4: There's no one unhappy in Happy  There's laughter and smiles galore.  COREY: I have been to The Land of Happy-  ALL: What…. a …..bore

John: The Union for Children’s Rights! 1 & 2: Strike! 3 & 4: Strike! ALL: For Children’s Rights! JACOB: Longer weekends! LYDIA: Shorter school hours! HALEI: Higher allowances! JOHN: Less baths and showers! JANSEN: No asparagus! HAYDEN: More Root Beer! ALL: And seventeen summer vacations a year! HAYDEN: If you’re ready to strike, sign up right here! John: For sale! 1: One sister for sale! 2: One sister for sale! 1 & 2: One crying and spying young sister for sale! RYAN: I’m really not kidding, So who’ll start the bidding? JANSEN: Do I hear the dollar? PHILLIP: A nickel? JACOB: A penny? 1 & 2: Oh, isn’t there, isn’t there, isn’t there any One kid that will buy this old sister for sale, This crying and spying young sister for sale? (Girls: Sob!)

Adrienne: And that is supposed to be nice? John: It’s supposed to be funny. Adrienne: Sister abuse? John: You ever met my sister? Little Abigail and the Beautiful Pony! 3 & 4: There was a girl named Abigail Who was taking a drive Through the country With her parents When she spied a beautiful sad-eyed Grey and white pony. And next to it was a sign That said, 1 & 2: FOR SALE--CHEAP LYDIA: "Oh," 3 & 4 : said Abigail, LYDIA: "May I have that pony? May I please?" 3 & 4: And her parents said, PHILLIP & ADRIENNE: "No you may not." 3 & 4: And Abigail said, LYDIA: "But I MUST have that pony." 3 & 4: And her parents said, PHILLIP & ADRIENNE: "Well, you can't have that pony, But you can have a nice butter pecan Ice cream cone when we get home." 3 & 4: And Abigail said, LYDIA: "I don't want a butter pecan Ice cream cone, I WANT THAT PONY-- I MUST HAVE THAT PONY." 3 & 4: And her parents said, PHILLIP & ADRIENNE: "Be quiet and stop nagging-- You're not going to get that pony." 3 & 4: And Abigail began to cry and said, LYDIA: “If I don't get that pony, I'll die." 3 & 4: And her parents said, "You won't die. No child has ever died yet from not getting a pony." 3 & 4: And Abigail felt so bad That when they got home she went to bed, EMILY: And she couldn't eat, KELSEY: And she couldn't sleep, HALEI: And her heart was broken, 3 & 4: And she DID die-- All because of a pony That her parents wouldn't buy.  LYDIA: This is a good story To read to your folks When they won't buy You something you want.

Adrienne: And that is supposed to teach kids a good lesson? John: Good? No, but it’s valuable. I use it all the time. Adrienne: You would. John: Oh, Adrienne. Now…three short ones by Shel Silverstein! Sidewalking!

(Ma: ..need a volunteer) 1 & 2: They say if you step on a crack, You will break your mother’s back. But that’s just silly, ha-ha-ha----- (scream and fall) Oops----Plop----Sorry, Ma.

John: Stone Airplane! 1 & 2: I made an airplane out of stone. Corey: I always did like stayin’ at home.

John: Advice! (William Tell: Phillip, Boy: Hayden) ALL: William Tell, William Tell, Take your arrow, grip it well, There’s the apple---aim for the middle--- (William shoots, Hayden dies) ALL: Oh well---you just missed by a little.

Adrienne: Child abuse? Now we’re doing child abuse? John: Oh come on. Adrienne: I’m serious, John. (looking at the audience) Just look at those faces out there. Do you want to grow up to be weird and dangerous? John: (looks at the audience, then) Looks like we might be too late. Yuck!

EMILY: I stepped in something yucky as I walked by the crick. KELSEY: I grabbed a stick to scrape it off, the yuck stuck to my stick! JOHN: I tried to pull it off the stick, The yuck stuck to my hand! JANSEN: I tried to wash it off---but it stuck to the washin’ pan! KATIE: I called my dog to pull me loose, The yuck stuck to his fur. LYDIA: He rubbed himself against the cat, The yuck got stuck to her. JACOB: My friends and neighbors came to help—Now all of us are stuck. ALL: Which goes to show what happens When one person steps in yuck! John: Jumping Rope!

ALL: This started out…as a jumping rope… You pro’bly think that I’m a dope But this started out as a jumping rope.. And now I fear there is no hope But this started out as a jumping rope… Adrienne: Why can’t we do something nice and pleasant…like school. John: School? I thought you said “nice and pleasant!” (thinks a minute) Okay! I got it! Kidnapped!

3 & 4: This morning I was kidnapped By three masked men. KATIE: They stopped me on the side walk, And offered me some candy, LYDIA: And when I wouldn't take it They grabbed me by the collar, And pinned my arms behind me, ADRIENNE: And shoved me in a backseat Of this big black limousine and Tied my hands behind my back With sharp and rusty wire. SYDNEY: Then they put a blindfold on me So I couldn't see where they took me, And plugged up my ears with cotton So I couldn't hear their voices. EMILY: And drove for 20 miles or At least for 20 minutes, and then Dragged me from the car down to Some cold and moldy basement, KELSEY: Where they stuck me in a corner And went off to get the ransom Leaving one of them to guard me With a shotgun pointed at me, 3 & 4: Tied up sitting on a stool... COREY: That's why I'm late for school!!!

Jansen, Phillip, Ryan grab Corey

Offer him candy

They do…put him in back seat of car with Hayden & Dakota driving..bouncing along

John blindfolds Corey and jumps into car with Hayden and Dakota with Corey

Jacob drags Corey from car and throws him into the “basement”

Jansen points shotgun at Corey

Adrienne: Oh great! That’s really great! Now we’re in big trouble! John: No. We’ll be in big trouble after this one. Come on, guys! The Prayer of the Selfish Child! ALL BOYS: Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep, And if I die before I wake, I pray the Lord my toys to break. So none of the other kids can use ‘em… Amen.

Adrienne: Is this almost over? John: Not quite! My Hobby! 1 & 2: When you spit from the twenty-sixth floor And it floats on the breeze to the ground.. Does it fall upon hats or on white Persian cats JANSEN: Or on heads with a pitty-pat sound? PHILLIP: I used to think life was a bore, But I don’t feel that way anymore, 1 & 2: As I count up the hits As I smile as I sit, As I spit from the twenty-sixth floor!

JOHN: Rudy Felsh! 1 & 2: Rudy Felsh knows how to belch better than anyone ever did. PHILLIP: Margo says that Rudy Felsh is a nasty, vulgar kid. JANSEN: Someday he will go to hell..or jail..or Canada.. 1 & 2: But now..every night I hope and pray that Rudy Belsh will show me how!

Adrienne: Okay! Okay! That’s it! You’ve really gone too far this time! John: Canada? Adrienne: You know what I mean, John! We’re gonna do terrible today, I just (she hiccups) ..I just (hiccups) John: Hey everybody! She knows a poem! (they gather around her)

Adrienne: What are you…..? Hic... Hic... Hic... ALL: Want to cure your hiccups quick? Stick out your tongue and bite your lip. Hold your breath and shake one hip. Pull back your left foot and kick up. Now, you see, we've cured your hiccup. Nothing much to it -- don't you feel swell? Adrienne: Thanks, guys….Hic... ALL: Oh well... (All bow)

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