Mary Nelson,
kb, Tim, Julie Nelson, Linda Traub, Trish Ballard, Margie Steiner
KEN: Welcome to the first annual and perhaps final performance of the IESA speech advisory committee musical theatre…a musical tour of some of things we’ll all be encountering in the coming weeks as we prepare for contest…etc.
(Try to Remember) TIM: Try to remember it’s only September You’ve still got time to sign them up now… Try to remember …whatever your gender That where you lead…they just may follow. Deep in December you’ll fondly remember That day in November they made you proud, now Try to remember it’s only September…so swallow… Swallow, swallow, swallow, swallow!
MARY: First let’s go into the mind of one of your students.. She’s sitting alone in the hallway, waiting to enter your classroom to practice her speech. She knew this speech really, really well last night laying on her bed watching Dancing With the Stars while listening to Kenny Chesney on her MP3 player and doing her social studies and sending text messages to her friends…and now it’s time to practice her speech with you.
(Memory) MARGIE: Memory…I keep losing my memory… All alone in my bedroom…I’m so perfect and yet.. When the dawn comes…my monologue goes out of my mind And my memory…I forget.
MARY: And right behind her is little Johnny. Johnny was the first one to sign up for contest. He’s bright, he’s cheerful, he’s full of enthusiasm, and he hasn’t even looked at his speech since you worked with him two weeks ago. In fact, he’s lost the script completely.
(Tomorrow) TRISH: I’ll work on my speech..tomorrow.. Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow.. I’ll get time… I’ll think about speech…tomorrow…There’s no need for heartache and the sorrow.. I’ll do fine.. When I’m stuck with a day that’s bright and cheery… I start to rehearse, but then…I say… Tomorrow…tomorrow…I learn it..tomorrow… The contest’s a week a way…
MARY: But what about you? The speech coach. Let’s take a trip into your mind. Your next duet has just walked in the door.
(Don't Cry for Me, Argentina) JULIE: Don't cry to me, little Tina…the truth is, you chose your partner So stop the racket. She couldn’t hack it. She’s lost her speech now..the fifteenth time now. Don't cry to me, little Stephen… your mama can’t do this homework You’ve got to study…not with a buddy… It’s only you now… What will you do now?
LINDA: So you sit there after a day of teaching a full load, a parent-teacher conference where the parent did all the talking and your administrator was too busy to attend, you’ve sat through a meaningless faculty meaning on the new Illinois Goals and Standards, and now while your fellow teachers are on hole number seven at the local golf course, you prepare to work with your speech students…You look up from your ragged copy of Edna Means catalog and you sing..
(Razzle Dazzle) TIM: Give me the old..razzle-dazzle…razzle-dazzle ‘em. Give me a team that’s really passionate Because God knows there ain’t no cash in it. Give me the old hocus-pocus…Work a miracle! Some of my kids can’t find even our bus! Give me a team with more than cool looks Give me a judge who’s read the rule book Razzle-dazzle ‘em… Oh, please do it for us!
Give me the time to work with students… Change the schedule… Give me at least a group that’s normal and…Please get their mind off things hormonal Give me the co---operation… of teaching staff… Give me a principal who knows I’m here! Give me a group who won’t look terrible And for one day…please make them eligible Razzle dazzle ‘em…. At the contest this year!
JULIE: Bob signed up for contest. Of course Bob signed up for contest. Bob signs up for everything. When you ask a question in class, Bob’s hand will be the first one up and he’ll have absolutely no idea what the question was, much less have an answer. If you’d ask who’d like to march into hell, Bob’s hand would go up. And now…he’s a member of your speech team.
(A Little Bit of Luck) TIM: The Lord above made Bob sign up for contest.. A little brat who tries to drive you nuts! And every day he signs his name to practice….but… With a little bit of luck! … With a little bit of luck! … With a little bit of luck he won’t show up!
He hasn’t learned the title of his speech yet… He always waits ‘til everything is due… He always been impossible to teach yet…but… With a little of luck! ..With a little bit of luck! .. With a little bit of luck he won’t show up! With a little bit! With a little bit! With a little bit of bloomin’ luck!
MARY: Little Suzie signed up for duet acting..without a partner. Suzie’s hardest work of the day is picking out the right outfit. She doesn’t mind flunking the math test as long as her hair looked good while taking it. She’s in speech because she heard there were lots of cute guys at contest. And now Suzie comes to you to ask if you’ve chosen her a partner.
(Matchmaker) LINDA: Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match.. Find me a partner..but there’s a catch.. Make her someone who works harder than me… And I’ll tag along for free! Please just…put us in Improv duet …..where nothing is learned… I’ll just have a good time and win a first place that I haven’t earned! Matchmaker, matchmaker, give me a pal…Smarter than me..cuter somehow Give me someone who works harder than me…And I’ll tag along for free!
TIM: So there you sit…still at school after everyone but the basketball coach and night janitor have left, grading papers that you weren’t able to get to during speech season. You just walked by your school’s half-million dollar gymnasium, the carpet, air-conditioned weight room, the new volleyball court…and you look down upon the worn out cardboard box marked “Fritos” which is the sum total of your speech material file. You sigh to yourself and sing…
(If I Were a Rich Man) KEN: If I were a Rich Man…yaiddle…(etc.) All day long I’d biddy-biddy bum If I were a wealthy man! I wouldn’t have work hard… Yaidle (etc.) If I had a budget like the rest… Yaidle-deedle, yaidle-deedle man. I’d have my own nice office just like the coach does Right in the middle of the school… A practice room with sound-proof doors all ‘round. And I’d rehearse for hours with no interruptions… No government mandated tests…. And never once does someone shout.. “Rebound!”
The best and brightest kids would pound my door to talk to me… They would ask me to rehearse them..while they fight to be the first.. “If you please, dear speech coach!” “Pardon me, dear speech coach!” All memorized and well-rehearsed! If I were a Rich Man…yaiddle…(etc.) All day long I’d biddy-biddy bum If I were a wealthy man! I wound’t have work hard… Yaidle (etc.) Lord, who made the monologue and verse I’m poor and tired and don't know which is worse Could you get the coach and I reversed? So I’d be a weal-thy…man!
MARGIE: But…here we’re today because there is hope. You’re sitting in a room with a hundred other people with the same problems as you…the same schedules, the same workloads, the same feelings of inadequacy, and making the same huge fortune by coaching speech. But today is a day to sit back and be encouraged…
(Cabaret) TRISH: What good is sitting alone in your room…waiting for contest day? Life’s just too short for that, old chum… Welcome to IE---S-A! Put down your planbook….forget about tests… Come hear the music play…. We’re here to help you lose all that stress… Come to IE----S-A!
ALL: Come drink the wine! TRISH: (Well..Diet Coke) ALL: Come hear the band.. TRISH: (He’s all we’ve got) TRISH: Your kids aren’t here to irritate you… An entire day to celebrate…you!
ALL: No use complaining about grades or sports… Your troubles are miles away! Kick back! Be happy! Loosen your shorts! Welcome to IE---S-A!
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