Rotten Convention
They had a rotten convention And everyone was there… Hamburger Face and Gruesome Grace And the Skull with the slimy hair.
There was Mr. Mud and the Creepin’ Crud And the Drooler and Belchin’ Bob There was Three-headed Ann—she was holdin’ hands With the Whimperin’ Simperin’ Slob.
The Unpronounceable Name, he came And did Saw-Nose Dan And Poopin’ Pete and Smelly Feet And the Half-Invisible Man.
There was Sudden Death and Sweat-Sock Breath, Big Barf and the Deadly Bore, And Killin’ Dillon and other villains We’d never seen bfore.
And we all sat around and told bad tales Of the rottenest people we knew, And everybody there kept askin’… Where----were----You?
Red Flowers for You They could be poison ivy. They might be poison oak, But anyway, here’s your bouquet! Hey---can’t you take a joke?
No Grown-Ups
No grown-ups allowed! We’re playin’ a game and we don’t need Be-carefuls or Don’ts. No grown-ups allowed! We’re formin’ a club and the secret oath must not be shown! No grown-ups allowed! We’re goin’ for pizza—No, no one but me and my crowd So just stay away! Oh…now it’s time to pay? Grown-ups allowed!
Best Mask They just had a contest for the scariest mask, And I was the wild and daring one Who won the contest for the scariest mask.. And (sob) I’m not even wearing one!
Camp Wonderful I’m going to Camp Wonderful beside Lake Paradise.. Across from Blissful Mountain in the Valley of the Nice. They say it’s sunny, cool, and green, They say the angels made it. The motto is, “Be Fair and Care.” I know I’m gonna hate it.
Anteater “A genuine aunteater,” the pet man told my dad. Turned out, it was an aunt eater, And now my uncle’s mad.
One Two One Two, buckle my shoe Buckle your own shoe! Who said that? I did! What are you doing with those silly buckles on your shoes anyway? Three, four, shut the door. You shut it! You opened it! Uh….five, six, pick up sticks… Why should I pick them up? Do you think I’m your slave? Buckle my shoe, shut the door, pick up sticks, next thing you’ll be telling me to lay them straight! But it’s only a poem!... Nine, ten, a big fat…Oh, never mind
Deaf Donald Deaf Donald met Talkie Sue But……was all he could do. And Sue said, “Donald, I sure do like you.” But….was all he could do. And Sue asked Donald, “Do you like me, too?” But …… was all he could do. “Goodbye then, Donald, I’m leaving you.” But …. Was all he did do. And she left forever so she never knew That …..means “I love you.”
Kidnapped This morning I was kidnapped By three masked men. They stopped me on the side walk, And offered me some candy, And when I wouldn't take it They grabbed me by the collar, And pinned my arms behind me, And shoved me in a backseat Of this big black limousine and Tied my hands behind my back With sharp and rusty wire. Then they put a blindfold on me So I couldn't see where they took me, And plugged up my ears with cotton So I couldn't hear their voices. And drove for 20 miles or At least for 20 minutes, and then Dragged me from the car down to Some cold and moldy basement, Where they stuck me in a corner And went off to get the ransom Leaving one of them to guard me With a shotgun pointed at me, Tied up sitting on a stool... That's why I'm late for school!!!
I’m making a list I’m making a list of the things I must say for politeness, And goodness and kindness and gentleness, sweetness and rightness: Hello Pardon me How are you Excuse me Bless you May I? Thank you Goodbye If you know some that I forgot, Please stick them into your eye! The Battle Would you like to hear Of the terrible night When I bravely fought the— No? All right. Dreadful Someone ate the baby, It’s rather sad to say. Someone ate the baby So she won’t be out to play. We’ll never hear her whiney cry Or have to feel if she is dry. We’ll never hear her asking “Why?” Someone ate the baby. Someone ate the baby. It’s absolutely clear Someone ate the baby ‘Cause the baby isn’t here. We’ll give away her toys and clothes. We’ll never have to wipe her nose. Dad says, “That’s the way it goes.” Someone ate the baby. Someone ate the baby. What a frightful thing to eat! Someone ate the baby Though she wasn’t very sweet. It was a heartless thing to do. The policemen haven’t got a clue. I simply can’t imagine who Would go and (burp) eat the baby.
"Ma And God" God gave us fingers-Ma says, "Use your fork." God gave us voices-Ma says, "Don't scream." Ma says eat broccoli, cereal and carrots. But God gave us tasteys for maple ice cream. God gave us fingers-Ma says, "Use your hanky." God gave us puddles-Ma says, "Don't splash." Ma says, "Be quiet, your father is sleeping." But God gave us garbage can covers to crash. God gave us fingers-Ma says, "Put your gloves on." God gave us raindrops-Ma says, "Don't get wet." Ma says be careful, and don't get too near to Those strange lovely dogs that God gave us to pet. God gave us fingers-Ma says, "Go wash 'em." But God gave us coal bins and nice dirty bodies. And I ain't too smart, but there's one thing for certain- Either Ma's wrong or else God is. My Hobby When you spit from the twenty-sixth floor And it floats on the breeze to the ground.. Does it fall upon hats or on white Persian cats Or on heads with a pitty-pat sound? I used to think life was a bore, But I don’t feel that way anymore, As I count up the hits As I smile as I sit, As I spit from the twenty-sixth floor!
God's Wheel by Shel Silverstein GOD says to me with a kind of smile, "Hey how would you like to be God awhile And steer the world?" "Okay," says I, "I'll give it a try. Where do I set? How much do I get? What time is lunch? When can I quit?" "Gimme back that wheel," says GOD. "I don't think you're quite ready YET."
Strange Restaurant By Shel Silverstein I said, "I'll take the T-bone steak." A soft voice mooed, "Oh wow." And I looked up and realized The waitress was a cow. I cried, "Mistake--forget the the steak. I'll take the chicken then." I heard a cluck--'twas just my luck The busboy was a hen. I said, "Okay no, fowl today. I'll have the seafood dish." Then I saw through the kitchen door The cook--he was a fish. I screamed, "Is there anyone workin' here Who's an onion or a beet? No? Your're sure? Okay then friends, A salad's what I'll eat." They looked at me. "Oh,no," they said, "The owner is a cabbage head."
"I cannot go to school today," Said little Peggy Ann McKay. "I have the measles and the mumps, A gash, a rash and purple bumps. My mouth is wet, my throat is dry, I'm going blind in my right eye. My tonsils are as big as rocks, 'I've counted sixteen chicken pox And there's one more-- that's seventeen, And don't you think that my face looks green? My leg is cut, my eyes are blue-- It might be instamatic flu. I cough and sneeze and gasp and choke, I'm sure that my left leg is broke-- My hip hurts when I move my chin, My belly button's caving in, My back is wreched, my ankle's sprained, My 'pendix pains each time it rains. My nose is cold, my toes are numb, I have a sliver in my thumb. My neck is stiff, my spine is weak, I hardly whisper when I speak. My tongue is filling up my mouth, I think my hair is falling out. My elbow's bent, my spine ain't straight, My temperature is one-o-eight. My brain is shrunk, I cannot hear, There is a hole inside my ear. I have a hangnail, and my heart is--what? What's that? What's that you say? You say that today is... Saturday? G'bye, I'm going out to play!"
Sarah Cynthia Slyvia Stout Would Not Take The Garbage Out Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout Would not take the garbage out! She'd scour the pots and scrape the pans, Candy the yams and spice the hams, And though her daddy would scream and shout, She simply would not take the garbage out. And so it piled up to the ceilings: Coffee grounds, potato peelings, Brown Bananas, rotten peas, Chunks of sour cottage cheese. It filled the can, it covered the floor, It cracked the window and blocked the door With bacon rinds and chicken bones, Drippy ends of ice cream cones, Prune pits, peach pits, orange peel, Gloppy glumps of cold oatmeal, Pizza crusts and withered greens, Soggy beans and tangerines, Crusts of black burned buttered toast, Grisly bits of beefy roasts... The garbage rolled down the hall, It raised the roof, it broke the wall... Greasy napkins, cookie crumbs, Globs of gooey bubble gum, Cellophane from green baloney, Rubbery blubbery macaroni, Peanut butter, caked and dry, Curdled milk and crusts of pie, Moldy melons, dried-up mustard, Eggshells mixed with lemon custard, Cold french fries and rancid meat, Yellow lumps of Cream of Wheat. At last the garbage reached so high That finally it touched the sky. And all the neighbors moved away, And none of her friends would come to play. And finally Sarah Cynthia Slylvia Stout said, "Ok, I'll take the garbage out!" But then, of course, it was too late... The garbage reached across the state, From New York to the Golden Gate. And there, in the garbage she did hate, Poor Sarah met an awful fate, That I cannot right now relate Because the hour is much too late. But children, remember Sarah Stout And always take the garbage out! HYPERLINK "http://www.geocities.com/%7Ekitiaria/ShelSilverstein.html" \l "Top%20of%20Page"
Sick "I cannot go to school today," Said little Peggy Ann McKay. "I have the measles and the mumps, A gash, a rash and purple bumps. My mouth is wet, my throat is dry, I'm going blind in my right eye. My tonsils are as big as rocks, 'I've counted sixteen chicken pox And there's one more-- that's seventeen, And don't you think that my face looks green? My leg is cut, my eyes are blue-- It might be instamatic flu. I cough and sneeze and gasp and choke, I'm sure that my left leg is broke-- My hip hurts when I move my chin, My belly button's caving in, My back is wreched, my ankle's sprained, My 'pendix pains each time it rains. My nose is cold, my toes are numb, I have a sliver in my thumb. My neck is stiff, my spine is weak, I hardly whisper when I speak. My tongue is filling up my mouth, I think my hair is falling out. My elbow's bent, my spine ain't straight, My temperature is one-o-eight. My brain is shrunk, I cannot hear, There is a hole inside my ear. I have a hangnail, and my heart is--what? What's that? What's that you say? You say that today is... Saturday? G'bye, I'm going out to play!" Messy Whosever room this is should be ashamed! His underwear is hanging on the lamp. His raincoat is there in the overstuffed chair, And the chair is becoming quite mucky and damp. His workbook is wedged in the window, His sweater's been thrown on the floor. His scarf and one ski are beneath the TV, And his pants have been carelessly hung on the door. His books are all jammed in the closet, His vest has been left in the hall. A lizard named Ed is asleep in his bed, And his smelly old sock has been stuck to the wall. Whosever room this is should be ashamed! Donald or Robert or Willie or-- Huh? You say it's mine? Oh dear, I knew it looked familiar!
SNOWBALL by Shel Silverstein I made myself a snowball As perfect as could be. I thought I'd keep it as a pet And let it sleep with me.
I made it some pajamas And a pillow for its head. Then last night it ran away, But first- it wet the bed Smart My dad gave me one dollar bill 'Cause I'm his smartest son, And I swapped it for two shiny quarters 'Cause two is more then one! And then I took the quarters And traded them to Lou For three dimes-- I guess he didn't know That three is more than two! Just then, along came old blind Bates And just 'cause he can't see He gave me four nickels for my three dimes, And four is more than three! And I took the nickels to Hiram Coombs Down at the seed-feed store, And the fool gave me five pennies for them, And five is more than four! And I went and showed my dad, And he got red in the cheeks And closed his eyes and shook his head-- Too proud of me to speak!