That Age
By Ken Bradbury
Group I Group II Group III Joe Cates Shawn Beck Jeremy Depper Steven Shaw Chris Boulanger Dustin Jacoby
Jannelle Davidson Melissa Beard Jenna Post Carly Joehl Allison Phelps Jessica Millard Cody Winkelman Nick Stephens Andrew Waters Carlin Anderson Paul Schone Matt Schone
Stephen: Adolescence is a disease caught between the ages of 10 and 14. Sometimes people get over it.
Carly: No one has ever died from adolescence but some parents have been damaged beyond repair.
Jenna: Girls enter adolescence about two years before boys. This gives us a head start. If we’re lucky, we’ll be there and gone before the boys get there.
Nick: Boys enter adolescence then they get out when they get their driver’s license. Then they have kids of their own and it starts all over again.
Carlin: Puberty is the best part of adolescence but only if you discover it on your own. When teachers talk about it I want to bury my head in my book bag.
Melissa: In adolescence, the number of your sweat glands doubles. Thanks, God. Like I needed that.
Jeremy: The typical adolescent needs to increase his food intake 25% to stay healthy. Vegetables and milk products are the best way. Pizza has both of these.
Paul: Most adults think that puberty has to do with sex. The average 8th-grader knows it’s all about pimples.
Matt: Last night I found my first hair on my chest. This morning in the shower it washed off. Bummer.
Dustin: They say if you shave, the hair will grow quicker. I do know that you’ll bleed more.
Shawn: THE SEX LECTURE:
Paul: My Dad sat me down on the sofa and told me DUSTIN: “My son, it is time that we talked.” Paul: I told him, “You mean about X-men and pirates and baseball?” Paul: He said, DUSTIN:“No, a man to man talk.” Paul: He said, DUSTIN:“It’s time that we covered, the things that a young man should know About all the birds and the bees and the things that uh.. you know… make this world go.” PAUL: “You mean,” BOYS: I replied, PAUL: “like computers and cars and music and TV and such?” DUSTIN: “Not quite,” BOYS: said my Dad, then he looked sort of sad, DUSTIN: “I mean females, and girls… all that stuff.” PAUL: “Cool!” I responded, “That’s just what I wanted! ‘Cause I’d really like to know that! There’s girls on my team that just holler and scream when they miss a good strike with their bat.” DUSTIN: “That’s not what I mean,” BOYS: said my Dad, looking green. DUSTIN: “I’m mean about birds and the bees. I think you should know what makes the world go,” BOYS: Then his face scrunched like moldy Swiss cheese. DUSTIN:“It’s time, my young son, that we talked about sex, but I’m sort of uncomfortable though.” Paul: I smiled at my Dad, “Take it easy old man, just tell what you’d like to know!”
Allison: WHEN GOD MADE THE BOYS GIRLS: When God made the boys He must have been sleepy And made some mistakes so they turned out real creepy. Jenna & Carly: He must have been working on monkeys or cats Why else would a boy seem so much like a rat? GIRLS: A boy isn’t normal, a boy isn’t nice A boy picks his nose and he wiggles his eyes Jannelle: A boy scratches places that shouldn’t be scratched Jessica: A boy’s like a chicken that’s just not quite hatched. Jenna: He’s rude and he’s crude when he stumbles to speak Carly: And he changes his socks at least once a week. Melissa: A dog’s at least loving and loyal and kind. GIRLS: But when God made the boy he left his out mind. Carly: “I left my assignment at home,” GIRLS: he replies Jessica: “I think my dog ate it.” GIRLS: (The boys always lies.) Jessica & Allison: Maybe one day at the dawn of Creation God made a mistake in the human equation. Jannelle & Melissa: Perhaps because girls were so sweet and devout He created the boy to even things out. Jenna: But I’ve got a theory about what God did. He first made the man and he looked at this kid. He said, Carly: “Now I see what is wrong with this world!” GIRLS: And fixed the mistake …………………..and created the Girl!
Joe: GIRLS ARE JUST WEIRD BOYS: Girls are just weird, I can’t figure them out. And the strangest things can come out of their mouths. Cody: “Don’t ever talk to me again!” Nick: “How come he never talks to me?” Carlin: “Did you see the way he keeps staring at me?” Paul: “I can’t believe it! He hasn’t even looked at me all week!” BOYS: Girls are just weird, I can’t figure them out. And the strangest things can come out of their mouths. Matt: “Boys are just so immature!” Andrew: “He always tries to act older. What a stuck up!” Joe: I can figure out algebra, hamsters and cows BOYS: But girls are just weird, I can’t figure them out.
Chris: THINGS AN ADOLESCENT SHOULD NEVER SAY: Steven: “Mom, who’s older? You or Dad?” Jeremy: “Mom, can I stay over night at Cory’s house? His mom’s a really good cook.” Nick: “My Mom said that when I went to camp I had to change underwear every day. On Monday I changed with Travis, on Tuesday I changed with Ricky..” Jessica: “Why does grandma have a moustache?” Joe: “Dad said not to bother you today Mom, ‘cause you’re sort of a grouch.” Andrew: “Hey Dad, how much does a new window cost?” Dustin: “But he was cold, Mom! I didn’t think a microwave would do that to a hamster!” Chris: “Anybody seen my pet snake?” Melissa: “Guess what, Dad. A high school boy asked me out.” Shawn: “Mom, who’s older? You or grandma?”
Steven…….STUCK IN THE MIDDLE: ALL: They can never decide if I’m big or I’m little. I really don’t like bein’ stuck in the middle. Cody: “Would you just grow up!? Don’t act like a child!” Carlin: “No, you can’t stay alone while we’re gone for a while.” Jessica: “You’re now a young lady, so act like a queen.” Allison: “How come you’re so grouchy? You’re only thirteen!” Steven: They can never decide if I’m big or I’m little. ALL: I really don’t like bein’ stuck in the middle. Chris: “Stop running around!” Jannelle: “Go outside and play!” Dustin: “Come on, be a kid! Smile and laugh! Paul: “Act your age!” Jenna: “Sit like a lady.” Matt: “Be brave like a man.” Jessica: “Stop biting your nails.” Chris: “Now go wash your hands.” Carly: “You’re now a young woman.” Allison: “Just wait ‘til you’re older.” Shawn: “Would you just grow up!” Jeremy: “Stop stooping your shoulders.” ALL: I wish they’d decide if I’m grown or I’m not. It’s really confusing to be in this spot. Steven: They can never decide if I’m big or I’m little. ALL: I really don’t like bein’ stuck in the middle.
Paul……BIG BOYS DON’T CRY Group I: He threw the ball I should have caught Cody: I dropped the ball I shouldn’t drop. Group III: I missed the tackle, missed the block, Cody: Missed the shot right at the clock. Group I: I just forgot how lawnmowers work. Group III: I flunked the test, Chris: I burped in church, BOYS: And now I really wonder why they won’t allow us boys to cry. Matt: I threw up on the lunch room table, Group I: I tripped and ripped the TV cable, Group III: I stuck my pencil in my eye… Andrew: I wonder why big boys can’t cry? Joe: The other kids, they called me names They threw my books out in the rain. They pulled my pants down on the bus. Then sent me home because I cussed. BOYS: It don’t seem fair, it don’t seem right. Sometimes a boy just needs to cry. Dustin: I asked my Dad how come it’s true … Don’t you get sad? Don’t you get blue? I told him how I felt then he… my big old dad, he cried with me.
Shawn……..HOW COME? Nick: I wear the cool shirts and I wear the cool jeans So how come she never notices me? Carly: I spent fifty bucks on my hair and my eyes So how he never looks at me twice? Matt: I’ve practiced my walking so I could look cool. Jenna: I’ve written him notes. Bet he thinks I’m a fool. Melissa: At lunch I said “Hi!” and he just looked away. Andrew: I think that she wanted my French fries today. Allison: I’ll bet that he hates me. Carlin: She thinks that I’m gross. I wonder if her folks know my folks? Oh no! Jessica: I’ve sent him a letter, Steven: I’ve emailed her twice. Melissa: I put a note on his locker. Andrew: I sent her French fries. Jessica: I wonder if I just went over to him and just said “How are you?” and then maybe then…. Steven: I wonder if I just walked up close to her and said, “How you doin’?” She’s only a girl! Jessica & Steven: Maybe, just maybe… He/She might smile… I hope….. (the two turn to each other, walk carefully toward each other, begin to talk, then hurry back to their positions) BOTH: Nope!
Allison……….NOTES
Carly: Dear Janelle, Did you see the new kid? Is he cool or what? I wonder if he likes me? Jenna: Dear Mandy, He just walked into school for the first time. Don’t think it’s a little early to tell? Paul: Dear Rick, How come Janelle won’t speak to me? Chris: Dear Jason, That means she loves you. Paul: Dear Rick, Oh. Jannelle: Dear Amanda, Will you call me tonight? Melissa: Dear Audrey, You sat next to me all day and you wouldn’t talk! Why should I call you? Jannelle: Dear Amanda, So we can talk about it. Matt: Dear Sam, This class is really boring. Joe: Dear Jimmy, It’s about to get exciting. The teacher just stole your note from me.
Carly: From “The Principles of Secondary Education,” Harcourt and Brace. 1982. “The new teacher entering a classroom of adolescents for the first time should be prepared for a noise level that might at first be disconcerting.” Chris: What’s that mean? Carly: We’re noisy. (and the group erupts in pandemonium) Nick: (finally after much confusion, commotion and light destruction) Hey! We like noise! GROUP I: Blame it on our hormones! GROUP II: Blame it on our age! ALL: Blame it our parents and our culture and our rage! GROUP III: Blame it on caffeine! GROUP II: Blame it on our food! Cody: Blame the TV, and the movies that we’re loud and crude and rude! ALL: Blame it on our hormones that make us girls and boys… Chris: But I know the answer! ALL: (more mass confusion, then) We---Like---Noise! Yea!
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