That’s Shel!

Group I: Elisabeth Werries, Zoe O’Neil, Abby Perry, Levi Job Group II: Emily Burns, Brittany Davis, Kaitlyn Jackson, Kole Covington Group III: Elly Crawford, Ally Bunfill, Megan Evans, Kaleb Brogdon Group IV: Mackenzie Musch, Kaitlyn Nordsiek, Kylie McGinnis, Austin Holt BRITTANY: Shel Silverstein is dead. (group is shocked) ELISABETH: Hold it! Hold it! What do you think you’re doing? BRITTANY: I’m introducing our chorale presentation. ELISABETH: I know that, but …I mean…You just said. BRITTANY: Shel Silverstein is dead. He died 12 years ago. (a beat, then) And he’s still dead. ELISABETH: I know that, Brittany, but you don’t have to come out and say it like that. BRITTANY: Why not? They’ll find out sometime. Just try texting him. No answer. ELISABETH: My POINT is that …well…that’s no way to introduce our program. BRITTANY: Okay. I’m sorry. ELISABETH: Okay…We forgive you. Just start again. BRITTANY: (a beat as she thinks a moment, then) Shel Silverstein is just sleeping. ALL: Brittany!!! BRITTANY: Geesh. You guys are hard to please. Speaking of sleeping…Here’s Prayer of a Selfish Child. .. ALL BOYS: Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep, And if I die before I wake, I pray the Lord my toys to break. So none of the other kids can use ‘em… Amen. BRITTANY: Okay, but if he’s dead, why can’t we just say… ELLY: (to someone) Take care of this girl. (the other person pulls Brittany back into line) Snowball! GROUP I: I made myself a snowball As perfect as could be. I thought I'd keep it as a pet And let it sleep with me. GROUP 2 & 3: I made it some pajamas GROUP 4: And a pillow for its head. GROUP I: Then last night it ran away, BRITTANY: But first- it wet the bed (They all stare at Brittany) EMILY: (starring at Brit) You had to say it, didn’t you? BRITTANY: It’s part of the poem! LEVI: But we weren’t going to say the ….you know…. BRITTANY: Wetting the bed? (looking at the audience) Oh come on now. I’ll bet we’ve got a lot of bed wetters out there. (moving to the audience) Okay, who out there ever… ALL: Brittany! BRITTANY: (a beat, then) I was just curious. EMILY: Just introduce the next poem. BRITTANY: Oh, okay. (a beat, then pointing to someone in the audience) I’ll bet he did! ALL: Brittany! BRITTANY: Okay! Sick! ELISABETH: "I cannot go to school today," GROUPS 1 & 2: Said little Peggy Ann McKay. ZOE: "I have the measles and the mumps, A gash, a rash and purple bumps. KAITLYN N: My mouth is wet, my throat is dry, I'm going blind in my right eye. GROUPS 3 & 4: My tonsils are as big as rocks, 'I've counted sixteen chicken pox AUSTIN: And there's one more-- that's seventeen, GROUPS 1 & 2: And don't you think that my face looks green? ALLY: My leg is cut, my eyes are blue-- It might be instamatic flu. KAITLYN J: I cough and sneeze and gasp and choke, I'm sure that my left leg is broke-- KOLE: My hip hurts when I move my chin, ALLY: My belly button's caving in, GROUPS 3 & 4: My back is wreched, my ankle's sprained, GROUPS 1 & 2: My 'pendix pains each time it rains. AUSTIN: My nose is cold, my toes are numb, ELLY: I have a sliver in my thumb. GROUPS 3 & 4: My neck is stiff, my spine is weak, GROUPS 1 & 2: I hardly whisper when I speak. KOLE: My tongue is filling up my mouth, AUSTIN: I think my hair is falling out. GROUPS 3 & 4: My elbow's bent, my spine ain't straight, GROUPS 1 & 2: My temperature is one-o-eight. KAITLYN: My brain is shrunk, I cannot hear, MACKENZIE: There is a hole inside my ear.  GROUPS 3 & 4: I have a hangnail, and my heart is--what? ELISABETH: What's that? What's that you say? You say that today is... Saturday? G'bye, I'm going out to play!" BRITTANY: Nice job, guys. And now for They’ve Put a Brassiere on the Camel! MEGAN: Hold it! Hold it just a darned minute. BRITTANY: Now what? MEGAN: A brassiere. A bra? We’re doing a poem about underwear? BRITTANY: I didn’t write it. It was the dead… ALL: Brittany! BRITTANY: The sleeping guy. The sleeping guy wrote it. ALL: They've put a brassiere on a camel,  1: She wasn't dressed proper, you know.  ALL: They've put a brassiere on a camel,  2: So that her humps wouldn't show.  3: And they're making other respectable plans,  KYLIE: They're even even insisting the pigs should wear pants,  AUSTIN: They'll dress up the ducks if we give them the chance  ALL: Since they've put a brassiere on a camel.  ALL: They've put a brassiere on a camel,  4: They claim she's more decent that way.  ALL: They've put a brassiere on a camel,  3: The camel had nothing to say.  KOLE: They squeezed her into it, I’ll never know how,  LEVI: They say that she looks more respectable now,  AUSTIN: Lord knows what they've got in mind for the cow,  ALL: Since they've put a brassiere on a camel. MACKENZIE: I cannot believe we just did that. KAITLYN J: No Grownups!

ALL: No grown-ups allowed! 1: We’re playin’ a game and we don’t need Be-carefuls or Don’ts. ALL: No grown-ups allowed! 2: We’re formin’ a club and the secret oath must not be shown! ALL: No grown-ups allowed! 3: We’re goin’ for pizza—No, no one but me and my crowd 4: So just stay away! ABBY: Oh…now it’s time to pay? ALL: (a beat, then) Grown-ups allowed! ALLY: You know, these poems could get us into trouble.

BRITTANY: Don’t worry. Shel didn’t hear a thing. He’s….

EMILY: (interrupting Brit) Okay! How about a nice one!

BRITTANY: Shel Silverstein wrote nice poems?

EMILY: Lots of ‘em! Like….Love!

(assigned positions: L: Austin, O: Elisabeth, V: Levi, E: Mackenzie)

1: Ricky was “L” but he’s home with the flu…(Austin sneezes, then leaves) 2: Lizzie, our “O” had some homework to do. ELISABETH: Oh, I forgot! (Elisabeth leaves) 3 & 4: Mitchell, “E” prob’ly got lost on the way. (Kylie wanders off) MACKENZIE: So I’m all of love that could make it today. ALL: Awwwwwww…. KALEB: I’m Making a List! 1 & 2: I’m making a list of the things I must say for politeness, 3 & 4: And goodness and kindness and gentleness, sweetness and rightness: KAITLYN J: (sickeningly sweet) Hello ZOE: Pardon me KAITLYN N: How are you? ELLY: Excuse me KALEB: Bless you KYLIE: May I? ALLY: Thank you EMILY: Goodbye BRITTANY: If you know some that I forgot, Please stick them into your eye! ALL: Brittany!! BRITTANY: That’s the way the poem goes! ALLY: Look, let’s just do a nice one. Is the judge still smiling? BRITTANY: Do judges ever smile? ALL: Brittany! BRITTANY: Sorry. (a beat, then) Ma and God. 1 & 2: God gave us fingers-Ma says, ALLY: "Use your fork." 3 & 4: God gave us voices-Ma says, ELISABETH: "Don't scream." 1 & 2: Ma says eat broccoli, cereal and carrots. ABBY: But God gave us tasteys for maple ice cream. 3 & 4: God gave us fingers-Ma says, ALLY: "Use your hanky." 1 & 2: God gave us puddles-Ma says, ELISABETH: "Don't splash." 3 & 4: Ma says, ALLY: "Be quiet, your father is sleeping." ABBY: But God gave us garbage can covers to crash. 1 & 2: God gave us fingers-Ma says, ELISABETH: "Put your gloves on." 3 & 4: God gave us raindrops-Ma says, ALLY: "Don't get wet." 1 & 2: Ma says ELISABETH: “Be careful, and don't get too near to Those strange lovely dogs that God gave us to pet.” 1 & 2: God gave us fingers-Ma says, ALLY: "Go wash 'em." ALL: But God gave us coal bins and nice dirty bodies. EMILY: And I ain't too smart, but there's one thing for certain- Either Ma's wrong or else God is. ELLY: Hey guys, we’re almost done and we really haven’t introduced Shel Silverstein.

KALEB: So whatta we do?

ZOE: Brittany was the one who was supposed to look up the information.

ELLY: Oh no. Not that again.

KAITLYN N: Come on, Brit. Do it right. You know the facts.

BRITTANY: I thought you didn’t trust me.

ELLY: We don’t…but you’re the only choice we’ve got.

BRITTANY: See? I knew you’d need me. (clears her throat, then) Shel Silverstein was an HYPERLINK "http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States" \o "United States" American HYPERLINK "http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poet" \o "Poet" poet, HYPERLINK "http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Singer-songwriter" \o "Singer-songwriter" singer-songwriter, HYPERLINK "http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Musician" \o "Musician" musician, HYPERLINK "http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Composer" \o "Composer" composer, HYPERLINK "http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cartoon" \o "Cartoon" cartoonist, HYPERLINK "http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Screenwriter" \o "Screenwriter" screenwriter and HYPERLINK "http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Author" \o "Author" author of HYPERLINK "http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Children%27s_books" \o "Children's books" children's books. Translated into 20 languages, his books have sold over 20 million copies.

ELLY: (as the group breathes a sigh of relief) That’s better.

BRITTANY: Not bad for a dead guy. (they all groan)

ELISABETH: Let’s end this …quick! One! Two! Three! Four!

(they begin snapping) 1 & 2: He writes about bugs and things that bite… ALL: Shel..Shel…That’s Shel! 3 & 4: He sure can dream and he sure can write! ALL: Shel..Shel…That’s Shel!

1 & 2: Bumps and lumps and bruises, too! ALL: Shel..Shel…That’s Shel! 3 & 4: People like me and folks like you! ALL: Shel..Shel…That’s Shel! 1 & 2: A little bit weird, but that’s okay! ALL: Shel..Shel…That’s Shel! 3 & 4: We love his poems anyway! ALL: Shel..Shel…That’s Shel! 1 & 2: Lots of ideas in his head! ALL: Shel..Shel…That’s Shel! BRITTANY: Not too bad for a man who’s… ALL: Brittany! BRITTANY: ….sleeping. (heads down…we’re outa here)

(he’s dead)

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