Try Again, Please

By Ken Bradbury

(Mik sits at his/her desk.) MIK: Next! LARS: (entering, hesitantly) Uh…I’m not next. I think I’m first. MIK: (shouting) First! LARS: Actually, I’m the only one. MIK: (shouting) Only! LARS: Is this where I…. MIK: Next! LARS: But I’m not done. MIK: Then have a seat. LARS: Which one? MIK: There would be good. It’s the only seat. LARS: Ah. MIK: Ah. LARS: So…I mean, what do I do? MIK: When? LARS: Now. What do I do now? MIK: Now? LARS: Now. MIK: Oh. LARS: (a beat, then) Well, what do I do? MIK: You mean…..? LARS: Now. Am supposed to do something? MIK: Thank you. Please try again. (Every time Mik says this line, he/she slaps the desk after “Thank you.”) (Lars quickly rises, exits, turns then enters) Next! LARS: Me. I’m next. MIK: Take a seat. There’s only one. LARS: (sits) Thank you. MIK: Don’t mention it. LARS: I appreciate that. MIK: I said “Don’t mention it.” LARS: Oh. MIK: Thank you. Please try again. (Lars again stands, exits, turns, and enters) Next! LARS: I’d like a seat. MIK: Take that one. LARS: Thank you. It’s the only one. MIK: I know. LARS: What do I do now? MIK: You mean…..? LARS: Now. MIK: Oh. LARS: Isn’t there something ……..?

MIK: Stand up! LARS: (jumping up to his/her feet) Oh! I’m sorry. MIK: Quite alright. Thank you. Please try again. (Lars does the exit/entrance bit) LARS: May I sit? MIK: Why not? (Lars sits) Stand up! LARS: Sorry. MIK: Natural mistake. LARS: Yes. MIK: Could happen to anyone. LARS: Yes. MIK: Did it once myself. That’s how I got mine. LARS: Yes. So……..(a long beat) MIK: So…….. LARS: Is there anything….? MIK: Don’t ask that! LARS: Sorry! MIK: Thank you. Please try again. (out and in) LARS: Is this the….. MIK: Thank you. Please try again. (out and in) LARS: My name is…. MIK: Thank you. Please try again. (out and in) LARS: Perhaps if I tried…. MIK: Thank you. Please try again. (out and in) LARS: (shouting) I am getting very tired! MIK: (shouting) Then don’t be such a ninny! Sit down! LARS: (shouting) Thank you! MIK: (shouting) You’re welcome!